Quotes and Jokes (1 Viewer)
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SaparotRob
Unter Gemeine Geschwader Murmeltier XIII
When ya gotta go, ya gotta go.
Greg Boeser
2nd Lieutenant
I'm still trying to figure out who that tired old man is, who keeps staring at me through the bathroom window.
Greg Boeser
2nd Lieutenant
My Southern Baptist grandmother would have none of this. She recognized an evasive synonymn when she heard one.
SaparotRob
Unter Gemeine Geschwader Murmeltier XIII
I actually got called out by pleasingly plump GF for using "Jehoshaphat!" as an exclamation. "Are you calling me fat?" I haven't used it since. Sheesh.
True story.
special ed
2nd Lieutenant
- 5,686
- May 13, 2018
special ed
2nd Lieutenant
- 5,686
- May 13, 2018
A couple from Disorder in the American court:
JUDGE: First of all, I need to ask you if you understand what a jury trial is, just as you have had in this case. Do you understand what a jury trial is?
DEFENDANT: Yeah, a jury trial is twelve ignorant people that is illiterate of the law.
-------
POLICE REPORT: I observed the defendant driving without headlights on. Defendant's vehicle was swaying from westbound curb lane to eastbound#1.
As the defendant's vehicle passed, I noticed a large dog helping defendant drive. The dog had front paws on the steering wheel, possibly trying to save its own life.
Upon stopping defendant's vehicle, defendant began yelling, "F--- Skippy. You really got me f---ed this time."
Skippy had no statement.
-------
ATTORNEY: Now, you are entitled to a speedy and public trial by jury or by the court. You know what a jury trial is?
DEFENDANT: Yes
ATTORNEY: What's a jury trial?
DEFENDANT: A jury trial, twelve people find you guilty.
ATTORNEY: Yeah, that's about right. On occasion, they find you not guilty, but...
DEFENDANT: I don't want to find out.
ATTORNEY: All right. A court trial is a judge sitting alone hearing your case.
DEFENDANT: I know that, too.
ATTORNEY: And he usually finds you guilty, too.
DEFENDANT: Yeah, so it is thirteen against one in other words.
ATTORNEY: Well...
DEFENDANT: With the district attorney, it is about fifteen to one.
JUDGE: First of all, I need to ask you if you understand what a jury trial is, just as you have had in this case. Do you understand what a jury trial is?
DEFENDANT: Yeah, a jury trial is twelve ignorant people that is illiterate of the law.
-------
POLICE REPORT: I observed the defendant driving without headlights on. Defendant's vehicle was swaying from westbound curb lane to eastbound#1.
As the defendant's vehicle passed, I noticed a large dog helping defendant drive. The dog had front paws on the steering wheel, possibly trying to save its own life.
Upon stopping defendant's vehicle, defendant began yelling, "F--- Skippy. You really got me f---ed this time."
Skippy had no statement.
-------
ATTORNEY: Now, you are entitled to a speedy and public trial by jury or by the court. You know what a jury trial is?
DEFENDANT: Yes
ATTORNEY: What's a jury trial?
DEFENDANT: A jury trial, twelve people find you guilty.
ATTORNEY: Yeah, that's about right. On occasion, they find you not guilty, but...
DEFENDANT: I don't want to find out.
ATTORNEY: All right. A court trial is a judge sitting alone hearing your case.
DEFENDANT: I know that, too.
ATTORNEY: And he usually finds you guilty, too.
DEFENDANT: Yeah, so it is thirteen against one in other words.
ATTORNEY: Well...
DEFENDANT: With the district attorney, it is about fifteen to one.
Last edited:
MiTasol
1st Lieutenant
And for serious upsets - you second hand, third rate, fourth grade product of the imagination of two sexually dysfunctional intellectually handicapped maggots masturbating in a pit of nausea..
