A couple from Disorder in the American court:
JUDGE: First of all, I need to ask you if you understand what a jury trial is, just as you have had in this case. Do you understand what a jury trial is?
DEFENDANT: Yeah, a jury trial is twelve ignorant people that is illiterate of the law.
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POLICE REPORT: I observed the defendant driving without headlights on. Defendant's vehicle was swaying from westbound curb lane to eastbound#1.
As the defendant's vehicle passed, I noticed a large dog helping defendant drive. The dog had front paws on the steering wheel, possibly trying to save its own life.
Upon stopping defendant's vehicle, defendant began yelling, "F--- Skippy. You really got me f---ed this time."
Skippy had no statement.
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ATTORNEY: Now, you are entitled to a speedy and public trial by jury or by the court. You know what a jury trial is?
DEFENDANT: Yes
ATTORNEY: What's a jury trial?
DEFENDANT: A jury trial, twelve people find you guilty.
ATTORNEY: Yeah, that's about right. On occasion, they find you not guilty, but...
DEFENDANT: I don't want to find out.
ATTORNEY: All right. A court trial is a judge sitting alone hearing your case.
DEFENDANT: I know that, too.
ATTORNEY: And he usually finds you guilty, too.
DEFENDANT: Yeah, so it is thirteen against one in other words.
ATTORNEY: Well...
DEFENDANT: With the district attorney, it is about fifteen to one.