RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! (x3)
Quotes and Jokes
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Aaron Brooks Wolters
Brigadier General
NEVER CHEAT ON A COUNTRY WOMAN!
A country wife came home just in time to find her husband in bed with another woman.
With super-human strength, borne of fury, and cutting firewood, lifting sacks of
feed, and bales of hay, she dragged him down the stairs, out the back door, and into
the barn.
She put his manhood in a vice and then secured it tightly and removed the handle.
Next she picked up an old carpenter's saw.
The banged-up-cheater was terrified and hollered, ! "Stop! Stop! You're not gonna
cut it off with that rusty saw, are you?"
The wife, with a gleam of revenge in her eye, put the saw in her husband's hand and
said .....
"Nope....You are!
I'm gonna burn down the Barn!"
A country wife came home just in time to find her husband in bed with another woman.
With super-human strength, borne of fury, and cutting firewood, lifting sacks of
feed, and bales of hay, she dragged him down the stairs, out the back door, and into
the barn.
She put his manhood in a vice and then secured it tightly and removed the handle.
Next she picked up an old carpenter's saw.
The banged-up-cheater was terrified and hollered, ! "Stop! Stop! You're not gonna
cut it off with that rusty saw, are you?"
The wife, with a gleam of revenge in her eye, put the saw in her husband's hand and
said .....
"Nope....You are!
I'm gonna burn down the Barn!"
RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
...ouch...
RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
When the doctor asked Chuck about what he did yesterday, he told him about his day: "Well, yesterday afternoon, I waded across the edge of a lake, escaped from a mountain lion in the heavy brush, marched up and down a mountain, stood in a patch of poison ivy, crawled out of quicksand, and jumped away from an aggressive rattlesnake."
Inspired by his story, the doctor exclaimed, "Chuck, you must be an awesome outdoorsman!"
"No," Chuck replied, "I'm just a lousy golfer."
Inspired by his story, the doctor exclaimed, "Chuck, you must be an awesome outdoorsman!"
"No," Chuck replied, "I'm just a lousy golfer."
razor1uk
Staff Sergeant
Some real rib strainers there 
and some lump in the throaters too 
(tsk tsk, no not that sort of lump I might add you naughty people).
View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8gpjk_MaCGM
and some lump in the throaters too (tsk tsk, no not that sort of lump I might add you naughty people).View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8gpjk_MaCGM
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RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
Short but sweet!
Will I live to be 80?
I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing "fairly well" for my age.
A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, "Do you think I'll live to be 80?"
He asked, "Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer or wine?"
"Oh no," I replied. "I'm not doing drugs, either!"
Then he asked, "Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?"
I said, "No, my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!"
"Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?"
"No, I don't," I said.
He asked, "Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?"
"No," I said. "I don't do any of those things."
He looked at me and said, "Then why do you care if you live to 80?"
I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing "fairly well" for my age.
A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, "Do you think I'll live to be 80?"
He asked, "Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer or wine?"
"Oh no," I replied. "I'm not doing drugs, either!"
Then he asked, "Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?"
I said, "No, my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!"
"Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?"
"No, I don't," I said.
He asked, "Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?"
"No," I said. "I don't do any of those things."
He looked at me and said, "Then why do you care if you live to 80?"
RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
Why do men fart more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to
build up the required pressure.
Because women can't shut up long enough to
build up the required pressure.
razor1uk
Staff Sergeant
roflmao..
What is better the tulips on a piano?
Tulips on your organ.
What is better the tulips on a piano?
Tulips on your organ.
