Quotes and Jokes (1 Viewer)

Ad: This forum contains affiliate links to products on Amazon and eBay. More information in Terms and rules

DEFENCe Attorney:
Will you please state your age?

Old Lady:
I am 94 years old.

Defence Attorney:
Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of
April 1st?

Old Lady:
There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm
spring evening,
When a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside
me.

Defence Attorney:
Did you know him?

Old Lady:
No, but he sure was friendly.

Defence Attorney:
What happened after he sat down?

Old Lady:
He started to rub my thigh.

Defence Attorney:
Did you stop him?

Old Lady:
No, I didn't stop him.

Defence Attorney:
Why not?

Little Old Lady:
It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Albert died some 30
years ago.

Defence Attorney:
What happened next?

Old Lady:
He began to rub all over my body

Defence Attorney:
Did you stop him then?

Old Lady:
No, I did not stop him.

Defence Attorney:
Why not?

Old Lady:
His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that
good in years!

Defence Attorney:
What happened next?

Old Lady:
Well, by then, I was feeling so spicy' that I just laid down and
told him
'Take me, young man. Take me now!'

Defence Attorney:
Did he take you?

Old Lady:
Hell, no! He just yelled, 'APRIL FOOL!' And that's when I shot him,
the little bastard.
 
MALE LOGIC ..... Critical Thinking
At Its Best!



Woman:
Do you drink beer?
Man: Yes

Woman:
How many beers a day?

Man:
Usually about 3

Woman:
How much do you pay per beer?

Man: $5.00 which includes a tip

(This is where it gets scary !)

Woman:
And how long have you been drinking?

Man:
About 20 years, I suppose

Woman:
So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your spending each month at $450. In one year, it would be approximately $5400 correct?

Man:
Correct

Woman:
If in 1 year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation, the past
20 years puts your spending at $108,000, correct?

Man:
Correct

Woman:
Do you know that if you didn't drink so much beer, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting
for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?

Man:
Do you drink beer?

Woman:
No

Man:
Where's your Ferrari?
 
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. He passed a sign that said "low bridge ahead."
Before he knew it, the bridge was right ahead of him and he got stuck under the bridge. You could say that he got a rock solid "Trucker's Wedgie."
Cars were backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car pulled up. The cop got out of his car and walked around to the truck driver, put his hands on his hips and said, "Got stuck, huh?"
The truck driver said, "No officer,… I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas!"
 
A teacher asked children of her kindergarten class "what is the greatest hurt in the world"
A small Maggie put her hand up and said.... The greatest hurt is when a woman gives birth.
Listening to that John screamed in anger .. Oh yeah ? I guess nobody has hammered your nuts so far.
 
Last edited:

Yeah, and women often go back for seconds.

I've never heard a guy say "You know, I could go another kick in the nuts.."
 
Last edited by a moderator:
A guy sits downstairs while his wife is soaking in the tub. After he hears her crawl into bed he decides to head up figuring there was only one reason why she bathed just before bedtime.

After a couple of minutes he reaches over and starts to put the moves on when she throws his arm off and with some and derision informs her husband that she has an early morning appointment with her gynaecologist.

The husband lays there for a minute and then asks if she has a dentist appointment in the morning.........



Cheers,

Jeff
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Users who are viewing this thread

Total: 2 (members: 1, guests: 1)

Similar threads

A
Cars named after (or same as) WW2 and 1950s aircraft?
2 3 4
Replies
77
Views
2K
Thumpalumpacus
Football, Mince Pie and Bovril....
Replies
6
Views
337
Lucky13
Marcel and Adler’s Euro Cup 2024 Thread
19 20 21
Replies
401
Views
10K
pbehn
P
Luftwaffe and allied air forces forum question
Replies
15
Views
2K
Geoffrey Sinclair
G
Trinkets and Toy Pictures
Replies
7
Views
1K
Snautzer01
Menu
Log in
Register