Quotes and Jokes (2 Viewers)

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A teacher noticed that little Johnny at the back of the class was squirming around, scratching his crotch, and not paying attention. She went back to find out what was going on.

He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been circumcised and he was quite itchy. The teacher told him to go down to the principal's office and to phone his mother and ask her what he should do about it. He did and returned to his class.

Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room so she went back to investigate, only to find Johnny sitting at his desk with his "private part" hanging out.

"I thought I told you to call your mom!" she said.

"I did," he said, "And she told me that if I could stick it out till noon, she'd come and pick me up from school."
 
Hmm. Governor of California eh? Let's see then ... compulsory (free) war-bird rides twice a month, free air-show passes, discount on fuel for all classic, V-8 cars, a ban on a certain hamburger outlet, no politically correct 'do gooders', and bacon issued as a diet supplement.
Think that would work for starters ?
 
My wife hosted a dinner party for all our friends, some of whom we
hadn't seen for ages and everyone was encouraged to bring their children
along as well.

All throughout dinner my wife's best friend's four-year-old daughter
stared at me as I sat opposite her. The little girl could hardly eat her
food for staring.

I checked my shirt for spots, felt my face for food, and patted my hair
in place, but nothing stopped her from staring at me. I tried my best to
just ignore her, but finally it was too much for me.

So I asked her, "Why are you staring at me?"

Everyone at the table had noticed her behaviour and all went quiet,
waiting for her response.

The little girl said: "I'm just waiting to see how you drink like a fish."
 

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