Quotes and Jokes (1 Viewer)
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michaelmaltby
Colonel
A Japanese company (Toyota) and an American company (General Motors) decided to have a canoe race on the Missouri River. Both teams practiced long and hard to reach their peak performance before the race.
On the big day, the Japanese won by a mile.
The Americans, very discouraged and depressed, decided to investigate the reason for the crushing defeat. A management team made up of senior management was formed to investigate and recommend appropriate action.
Their conclusion was the Japanese had 8 people paddling and 1 person steering, while the American team had 7 people steering and 2 people paddling.
Feeling a deeper study was in order, American management hired a consulting company and paid them a large amount of money for a second opinion.
They advised, of course, that too many people were steering the boat, while not enough people were paddling.
Not sure of how to utilize that information, but wanting to prevent another loss to the Japanese, the paddling team's management structure was totally reorganized to 4 steering supervisors, 2 area steering superintendents and 1 assistant superintendent steering manager.
They also implemented a new performance system that would give the 2 people paddling the boat greater incentive to work harder. It was called the 'Rowing Team Quality First Program,' with meetings, dinners and free pens for the paddlers. There was discussion of getting new paddles, canoes and other equipment, extra vacation days for practices, and bonuses. The pension program was trimmed to 'equal the competition' and some of the resultant savings were channeled into morale boosting programs and teamwork posters.
The next year the Japanese won by two miles.
Humiliated, the American management laid off one paddler, halted development of a new canoe, sold all the paddles, and cancelled all capital investments for new equipment. The money saved was distributed to the Senior Executives as bonuses.
The next year, try as he might, the lone designated paddler was unable to even finish the race (having no paddles), so he was laid off for unacceptable performance, all canoe equipment was sold and the next year's racing team was out-sourced to India.
The End.
On the big day, the Japanese won by a mile.
The Americans, very discouraged and depressed, decided to investigate the reason for the crushing defeat. A management team made up of senior management was formed to investigate and recommend appropriate action.
Their conclusion was the Japanese had 8 people paddling and 1 person steering, while the American team had 7 people steering and 2 people paddling.
Feeling a deeper study was in order, American management hired a consulting company and paid them a large amount of money for a second opinion.
They advised, of course, that too many people were steering the boat, while not enough people were paddling.
Not sure of how to utilize that information, but wanting to prevent another loss to the Japanese, the paddling team's management structure was totally reorganized to 4 steering supervisors, 2 area steering superintendents and 1 assistant superintendent steering manager.
They also implemented a new performance system that would give the 2 people paddling the boat greater incentive to work harder. It was called the 'Rowing Team Quality First Program,' with meetings, dinners and free pens for the paddlers. There was discussion of getting new paddles, canoes and other equipment, extra vacation days for practices, and bonuses. The pension program was trimmed to 'equal the competition' and some of the resultant savings were channeled into morale boosting programs and teamwork posters.
The next year the Japanese won by two miles.
Humiliated, the American management laid off one paddler, halted development of a new canoe, sold all the paddles, and cancelled all capital investments for new equipment. The money saved was distributed to the Senior Executives as bonuses.
The next year, try as he might, the lone designated paddler was unable to even finish the race (having no paddles), so he was laid off for unacceptable performance, all canoe equipment was sold and the next year's racing team was out-sourced to India.
The End.
Old Wizard
2nd Lieutenant
I'm sensing more real world truth than funny there......
Airframes
Benevolens Magister
Yep.
Crimea_River
Marshal
Reminds me of a sign in an auto repair shop. Goes something like:
Labour Rate: $70/hour
If you want to watch: $90/hour
If you want to help: $120/hour
Labour Rate: $70/hour
If you want to watch: $90/hour
If you want to help: $120/hour
at6
1st Sergeant
I once worked for a company or two like that one with the canoe race. Pep talks and meetings to" boost performance" with incentive programs, increased out put quotas, and if you got any injury trying to meet or exceed standards, there were written warnings and after two warnings, a paper cut was final termination. The paper cut part is no joke as that is how I left my final job before taking early retirement.
fubar57
General
The I.O.C. went a little too far with their doping decision about the Rio Games...
Old Wizard
2nd Lieutenant
Crimea_River
Marshal
I dunno, she's kinda cute.
at6
1st Sergeant
Isn't that Jan's new lady?
michaelmaltby
Colonel
A simple way to explain politics ...
I told my son "I want you to marry a girl of my choice!"
He said "NO!"
I told him its Bill Gates daughter!!!!
He said "OKAY!"
I got in contact with Bill Gates and told him "I want your daughter to marry
my son!"
He said "NO!"
I told him my son was the CEO of the World Bank!
He said "OKAY!"
I went to the President of the World Bank and told him to make my son CEO of
the Bank!
He said "NO!"
I told him my son was Bill Gates' Son in Law!
He said "OKAY!"
And that's exactly how Politics works ....
I told my son "I want you to marry a girl of my choice!"
He said "NO!"
I told him its Bill Gates daughter!!!!
He said "OKAY!"
I got in contact with Bill Gates and told him "I want your daughter to marry
my son!"
He said "NO!"
I told him my son was the CEO of the World Bank!
He said "OKAY!"
I went to the President of the World Bank and told him to make my son CEO of
the Bank!
He said "NO!"
I told him my son was Bill Gates' Son in Law!
He said "OKAY!"
And that's exactly how Politics works ....
Last edited:
Old Wizard
2nd Lieutenant
Don't know whether to giggle or barf.
michaelmaltby
Colonel
This is what we've come to:
WELCOME to 2016
� Our Phones - Wireless
� Cooking - Fireless
� Cars - Keyless
� Food - Fatless
� Tires -Tubeless
� Dress - Sleeveless
� Youth - Jobless
� Leaders - Shameless
� Relationships - Meaningless
� Attitudes - Careless
� Babies - Fatherless
� Feelings - Heartless
� Education - Valueless
� Children - Mannerless
� Country - Godless
We are-SPEECHLESS,
Government-is CLUELESS,
And our Politicians-are WORTHLESS!
And frankly ....
I'm scared - Shitless!
WELCOME to 2016
� Our Phones - Wireless
� Cooking - Fireless
� Cars - Keyless
� Food - Fatless
� Tires -Tubeless
� Dress - Sleeveless
� Youth - Jobless
� Leaders - Shameless
� Relationships - Meaningless
� Attitudes - Careless
� Babies - Fatherless
� Feelings - Heartless
� Education - Valueless
� Children - Mannerless
� Country - Godless
We are-SPEECHLESS,
Government-is CLUELESS,
And our Politicians-are WORTHLESS!
And frankly ....
I'm scared - Shitless!
