Quotes and Jokes (3 Viewers)

[michael rauls]

Ok, there doesn't seem to be any prohibition on bad jokes so here goes.
A bear walks into a bar. The bartender says "whatleyahave". The bear answers" I'll have a rum and............................................................
............coke. Bartender says" why the big pause? Bear says" i dunno, I was born with em. <-----------------rim shots here.

 

[at6]

Ok, there doesn't seem to be any prohibition on bad jokes so here goes.
A bear walks into a bar. The bartender says "whatleyahave". The bear answers" I'll have a rum and............................................................
............coke. Bartender says" why the big pause? Bear says" i dunno, I was born with em. <-----------------rim shots here.

If there were no bad jokes, there would be no good jokes. More bad ones please.

 

[Gnomey]

 

[Airframes]

A white horse walks into a bar and says "A pint of Guinness please".
The barman says "We've got a whisky named after you".
"What, Eric ?" replied the horse

Same horse goes to another bar, and asks for the same.
Barman says "**** me, a talking horse !"

I've got me coat, hat and the taxi is on it's way ............................

 

[Crimea_River]

Call Uber. Quicker.

A guy walks into a bar and orders a.beer. The bartender notices he has a toad sitting on his shoulder, points to it and says "What's that?"

The toad says "Not sure. Yesterday I noticed a wart on my ass and this morning it had grown into this!"

 

[Greg Boeser]

A cannibal says to another cannibal:
"Ya know, I really don't like your mother in law."
The other cannibal looks over and says:
"Well, then just eat the noodles!"

 

[Crimea_River]

 

[Gnomey]

 

[Wayne Little]

 

[Crimea_River]

 

[Gnomey]

 

[Lucky13]

 

[Wurger]

 

[Crimea_River]

The last one gave me a good laugh.

 

[Airframes]

A repair man is working on one of the big cats cages at the local zoo.
At lunchtime, he leaves his tools, and goes to the zoo cafe. When he returns, his tool box is still there, but all of his tools have gone, so he calls the head zoo keeper to complain.
"What do you expect," the keeper said, "that's the Jaguar's cage."
"So what ?" the repair man replied.
"Well, it's a tool eater Jaguar !"
Two liter Jag ................ never mind, I've got me coat !!

 

[Crimea_River]

Terry, that's worthy of a Canadian parka. Away wi' yeh!!!

 

[Gnomey]

 

[Airframes]

A tortoise gets mugged by a gang of snails.
When the Police arrive, they ask the tortoise to describe the assailants.
The tortoise says "Oh, I don't know ... it all happened too fast."

 

[Gnomey]

 

[Greg Boeser]

My wife loves me. She lets me do whatever she wants.