Quotes and Jokes (19 Viewers)

[Glider]

This is really bad...but I'm sharing it anyway!!!

View attachment 623425

Where I used to live there was a chap who installed TV Ariel's, Satellite dishes etc. His slogan on the back of his van simply stated

'100% guarantee with every erection'

I sometimes wondered how he got away with it

 

[DerAdlerIstGelandet]

 

[MIflyer]

Back in the early 1900's George Westinghouse said, "Aircraft will always be slower that ground vehicles, because weight goes up as power increases and aircraft cannot weigh very much."

Boy, did he get that one wrong, and he was one of the foremost experts on transportation of his day! Of course, if we are talking steam only he probably was right.

 

[Gnomey]

 

[Lucky13]

 

[Lucky13]

 

[buffnut453]

 

[buffnut453]

I just got banned from the Flat Earth Society's Facebook page for asking if 2m social distancing was pushing anyone over the edge.

 

[MIflyer]

If you tattoo artist is a bit deaf you might end up with:

"Born Too Loose"

 

[special ed]

A man was riding on a bus minding his own business when the gorgeous woman next to him began breast feeding her baby. The baby wouldn't take it, so she said, "Come on sweetie, eat it all up or I'll have to give it to this nice man next to us." Five minutes later the baby was still not feeding, so she said, "Come on honey. Take it or I'll give it to this nice man here." A few minutes later the man blurted out, " Come on kid. Make up your mind! I was supposed to get off four stops ago!"

 

[Leonidas]

View attachment 467740

I'm the Nashorn

 

[Lucky13]

 

[Lucky13]

 

[Lucky13]

 

[SaparotRob]

I'm the Nashorn

That was my favorite piece when playing "Panzer Blitz". Trademark Avalon-Hill.

 

[Lucky13]

 

[fubar57]

This has probably been posted here before and is supposedly based on an actual event. The scene is a foggy night on the Mediterranean Sea. A RN motor torpedo boat is on patrol and off to the side, the barely discernible shape of another ship is noticed, running on the same course. The skipper notifies the crew to prepare to fire once the ship is identified. They maintain position all night and into the dawn. It is now that the fog lifts and they discover they were targeting another RN motor torpedo boat. Maintaining radio silence, the skipper of the first boat signals over the the second, "You are lucky. We had you in our sights all night." The second boat signals over, "You're luckier.....we missed"

 

[Leonidas]

This has probably been posted here before and is supposedly based on an actual event. The scene is a foggy night on the Mediterranean Sea. A RN motor torpedo boat is on patrol and off to the side, the barely discernible shape of another ship is noticed, running on the same course. The skipper notifies the crew to prepare to fire once the ship is identified. They maintain position all night and into the dawn. It is now that the fog lifts and they discover they were targeting another RN motor torpedo boat. Maintaining radio silence, the skipper of the first boat signals over the the second, "You are lucky. We had you in our sights all night." The second boat signals over, "You're luckier.....we missed"

I assume they launched a torpedo?

 

[Gnomey]

 

[at6]

I'm the Nashorn

I'm the TigerII.