Quotes and Jokes (2 Viewers)
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A4K
Brigadier General
Old kid's joke but what the hey!
Why was the pirate so upset when he got his hook and peg?
They cost him an arm and a leg.
(I think I left my coat next to Terry's....)
Why was the pirate so upset when he got his hook and peg?
They cost him an arm and a leg.
(I think I left my coat next to Terry's....)
Greg Boeser
1st Sergeant
Speaking of pirates,
One day a young sailor was in a wharf-side pub when he saw a salty old sailor with a peg leg, a hook in place of his right hand, and an eye patch over his right eye. Eager to hear the man's story he bought him a big glass of rum and asked how he'd come to his injuries.
"Argg! I'll tell ya me lad," said the pirate. "I lost me leg off the coast of Majorca, in runnin' fight wit a Spanish man o'war. Cannonball took it clean off just below the knee!"
"What about the hand?"
The hand? Argg! Lost while boardin' a treasure galleon in the West Indies. a Spanish marine got me with his cutlass, but not before I'd run 'im through with a pike!
"And the eye?"
"The eye?, Argg! a bird shat in it."
"A bird shat in it?"
"Argg! A bird. Ya see, t'was the day after I got me 'ook."
One day a young sailor was in a wharf-side pub when he saw a salty old sailor with a peg leg, a hook in place of his right hand, and an eye patch over his right eye. Eager to hear the man's story he bought him a big glass of rum and asked how he'd come to his injuries.
"Argg! I'll tell ya me lad," said the pirate. "I lost me leg off the coast of Majorca, in runnin' fight wit a Spanish man o'war. Cannonball took it clean off just below the knee!"
"What about the hand?"
The hand? Argg! Lost while boardin' a treasure galleon in the West Indies. a Spanish marine got me with his cutlass, but not before I'd run 'im through with a pike!
"And the eye?"
"The eye?, Argg! a bird shat in it."
"A bird shat in it?"
"Argg! A bird. Ya see, t'was the day after I got me 'ook."
Crimea_River
Marshal
An old man lay awkwardly sprawled across three entire seats in the movie theater
When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the old man,
"Sorry sir, but you're only allowed one seat."
The old man didn't budge.
The usher became more impatient.
"Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager."
Once again, the old man just muttered and did nothing.
The usher marched briskly back up the aisle, and in a moment returned with the manager.
Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the old disheveled man, but with no success.
Finally they summoned the police.
The officer surveyed the situation briefly, then asked, "All right, buddy, what's your name?"
"Fred," the old man moaned.
"Where you from, Fred?" asked the police officer.
With a terrible strain in his voice, and without moving, Fred replied;
"The balcony"......
When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the old man,
"Sorry sir, but you're only allowed one seat."
The old man didn't budge.
The usher became more impatient.
"Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager."
Once again, the old man just muttered and did nothing.
The usher marched briskly back up the aisle, and in a moment returned with the manager.
Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the old disheveled man, but with no success.
Finally they summoned the police.
The officer surveyed the situation briefly, then asked, "All right, buddy, what's your name?"
"Fred," the old man moaned.
"Where you from, Fred?" asked the police officer.
With a terrible strain in his voice, and without moving, Fred replied;
"The balcony"......
special ed
1st Sergeant
- 5,188
- May 13, 2018
WARNING- Dad joke incoming:
My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to the local pet shop and they were $70. Forget it, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.
My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to the local pet shop and they were $70. Forget it, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.
ARTESH
Chief Master Sergeant
A4K
Brigadier General
What lies at the bottom of the sea and shakes?
A nervous wreck.
A nervous wreck.
special ed
1st Sergeant
- 5,188
- May 13, 2018
A doctor who had been seeing an 80 year old woman for most of her life retired. At her next checkup, the new doctor told her to bring a list of all medicines she had been prescribed. As the doctor looked through them he realised she had a prescription for birth control pills. "Mrs. Smith, do you know these are birth control pills?" "Yes, they help me sleep at night." "Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is nothing in these that could possibly help you sleep." She reached and patted the young doctor's hand and said, "Yes, dear, I know that. But every morning, I grind one up and mix it in my 16 year old Granddaughter's orange juice. And believe me it definitely helps me sleep."
Lucky13
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michaelmaltby
Colonel
Lucky13
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Lucky13
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Glider
Captain
I found this in my old computer file.
