Always have been sure the cats were thickheads though.
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Always have been sure the cats were thickheads though.
Snautzer01
Honourably banned
- 42,528
- Mar 26, 2007
Lucky13
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buffnut453
Captain
I have no idea if this is a true story....but I SO want it to be true. Even if it's not true, it's plausible given some of the "characters" in the British military:
Lt Col Robert Maclaren retired from the British Army in 2001 after a long and fulfilling career. On the day that he retired he received a letter from the Army's Personnel Department setting out details of his pension and, in particular, the tax-free 'lump sum' award, based on completed years of service, that he would receive in addition to his monthly pension. The letter read:
"Dear Lt Col Maclaren,
We write to confirm that you retired from the Royal Scots Dragoon Guards on 1st March 2001 at the rank of Lieutenant Colonel, having been commissioned into the British Army at Edinburgh Castle as a 2nd Lieutenant on 1st February 1366. Accordingly your lump sum payment, based on years served, has been calculated as £68,500. You will receive a cheque for this amount in due course.
Yours sincerely,
Army Paymaster"
Col Maclaren replied;
"Dear Paymaster,
Thank you for your recent letter confirming that I served as an officer in the Royal Scots Dragoon Guards between 1st February 1366 and 1st March 2001 – a total period of 635 years and 1 month. I note however that you have calculated my lump sum to be £68, 500, which seems to be considerably less than it should be bearing in mind my length of service since I received my commission from King Edward III.
By my calculation, allowing for inflation and currency fluctuations, my lump sum should actually be £6, 427, 586, 619. 47p.
I look forward to receiving a cheque for this amount in due course.
Yours sincerely,
Robert Maclaren (Lt Col, Ret'd)"
A month passed by and then in early April, a stout manilla envelope from the Ministry of Defence in Edinburgh dropped through Lt Col Maclaren's letter box. It read:
"Dear Lt Col Maclaren,
We have reviewed the circumstances of your case as outlined in your recent letter to us dated 8th March 2001. We do indeed confirm that you were commissioned into the Royal Scots Dragoon Guards by King Edward III at Edinburgh Castle on 1st February 1366, and that you served continuously for the following 635 years and 1 month. We have re-calculated your pension and have pleasure in confirming that the lump sum payment due to you is indeed £6, 427, 586, 619. 47p.
However, we also note that, according to our records, you are the only surviving officer who had command responsibility during the following campaigns and battles;
The Wars of the Roses 1455 -1485 (Including the battles of Bosworth Field, Barnet and Towton)
The Civil War 1642 -1651 (Including the battles of Edge Hill, Naseby and the conquest of Ireland)
The Napoleonic War 1803 – 1815 (including the battle of Waterloo and the Peninsular War)
The Crimean War (1853 – 1856) (including the battle of Sevastopol and the Charge of the Light Brigade)
The Boer War (1899 -1902).
We therefore wish to know what happened to the following items, which apparently were not returned to Stores by you upon completion of operations:
9,765 Cannon
26,785 Swords
12,889 Pikes
127,345 Rifles (with bayonets)
28,987 horses (fully kitted)
Plus three complete marching bands with instruments and banners.
We have calculated the total cost of these items and they amount to £6,427,518,119.47p. We have therefore subtracted this amount from your lump sum, leaving a residual total of £68,500, for which you will receive a cheque in due course.
Yours sincerely . . . ."
Lt Col Robert Maclaren retired from the British Army in 2001 after a long and fulfilling career. On the day that he retired he received a letter from the Army's Personnel Department setting out details of his pension and, in particular, the tax-free 'lump sum' award, based on completed years of service, that he would receive in addition to his monthly pension. The letter read:
"Dear Lt Col Maclaren,
We write to confirm that you retired from the Royal Scots Dragoon Guards on 1st March 2001 at the rank of Lieutenant Colonel, having been commissioned into the British Army at Edinburgh Castle as a 2nd Lieutenant on 1st February 1366. Accordingly your lump sum payment, based on years served, has been calculated as £68,500. You will receive a cheque for this amount in due course.
Yours sincerely,
Army Paymaster"
Col Maclaren replied;
"Dear Paymaster,
Thank you for your recent letter confirming that I served as an officer in the Royal Scots Dragoon Guards between 1st February 1366 and 1st March 2001 – a total period of 635 years and 1 month. I note however that you have calculated my lump sum to be £68, 500, which seems to be considerably less than it should be bearing in mind my length of service since I received my commission from King Edward III.
By my calculation, allowing for inflation and currency fluctuations, my lump sum should actually be £6, 427, 586, 619. 47p.
I look forward to receiving a cheque for this amount in due course.
Yours sincerely,
Robert Maclaren (Lt Col, Ret'd)"
A month passed by and then in early April, a stout manilla envelope from the Ministry of Defence in Edinburgh dropped through Lt Col Maclaren's letter box. It read:
"Dear Lt Col Maclaren,
We have reviewed the circumstances of your case as outlined in your recent letter to us dated 8th March 2001. We do indeed confirm that you were commissioned into the Royal Scots Dragoon Guards by King Edward III at Edinburgh Castle on 1st February 1366, and that you served continuously for the following 635 years and 1 month. We have re-calculated your pension and have pleasure in confirming that the lump sum payment due to you is indeed £6, 427, 586, 619. 47p.
However, we also note that, according to our records, you are the only surviving officer who had command responsibility during the following campaigns and battles;
The Wars of the Roses 1455 -1485 (Including the battles of Bosworth Field, Barnet and Towton)
The Civil War 1642 -1651 (Including the battles of Edge Hill, Naseby and the conquest of Ireland)
The Napoleonic War 1803 – 1815 (including the battle of Waterloo and the Peninsular War)
The Crimean War (1853 – 1856) (including the battle of Sevastopol and the Charge of the Light Brigade)
The Boer War (1899 -1902).
We therefore wish to know what happened to the following items, which apparently were not returned to Stores by you upon completion of operations:
9,765 Cannon
26,785 Swords
12,889 Pikes
127,345 Rifles (with bayonets)
28,987 horses (fully kitted)
Plus three complete marching bands with instruments and banners.
We have calculated the total cost of these items and they amount to £6,427,518,119.47p. We have therefore subtracted this amount from your lump sum, leaving a residual total of £68,500, for which you will receive a cheque in due course.
Yours sincerely . . . ."
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vikingBerserker
Lieutenant General
That's brilliant, and I SO hope it's true!
special ed
2nd Lieutenant
- 5,603
- May 13, 2018
special ed
2nd Lieutenant
- 5,603
- May 13, 2018
ARTESH
Chief Master Sergeant
Where is my invitation???
ARTESH
Chief Master Sergeant
I hope they didn't run out of paper, because they forgot to talk about his last 100 years of career, literally 1902 - 2001.
buffnut453
Captain
So the item list should be populated with a couple of hundreds tanks, lorries, MGs, helmets etc ..
About the fuel I even don't mention at all
Actually, Lt Col Maclaren probably wasn't responsible for anything after the Boer War. The last British Tommy from the Great War died in 2009 so I'm guessing there were still a few officers alive from that conflict in 2001. And there were plenty of WW2 veterans still alive then, too...so pretty much all other conflicts since 1902 were covered.
They're smart these paymasters, y'know!
ARTESH
Chief Master Sergeant
Smart is not enough!They're smart these paymasters, y'know!
