Quotes and Jokes (8 Viewers)

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My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
I asked, "Do you know him?"
"Yes. He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking just after we split and I hear he hasn't been sober since."
"Amazing. Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"

That's when the fight started.
 
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, slipped into the garage, hooked up the boat to the van and backed out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 miles per hour, so I drove back into the garage, turned on the radio and found the weather would be bad all day.
I went into the house and quietly undressed and slipped into bed.
I cuddled my wife's back with anticipation and whispered, "The weather is terrible out there."
"And can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"

And that's how the fight started
 
I do like those dad jokes.
 
After retiring, I went to the social Security office to register and apply.
When the lady at the counter asked for my drivers license, I realised I had left my wallet home.
I said I was sorry and would have to go home and get it .
She said, "I have most of your information here. I just I.D. showing your age.. Unbutton your shirt."
"That grey hair on your chest is good enough."
She then processed my application.
When I got home, I told my wife of the experience at Social Security.
She said, "You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too."
 
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