Quotes and Jokes (2 Viewers)

[Gnomey]

 

[special ed]

 

[special ed]

 

[special ed]

 

[special ed]

 

[Greg Boeser]

From a recently uncovered trove of correspondence at the Royal Society archives.

To: Chief Curator, Royal Society

From: Reginald Duxford, 5th Earl of Farthinham, OBE

Dear Sir,
We are pleased to report our latest finding in our excavation of the tomb complex of Nimrud. On Tuesday we broke into a previously untampered crypt and discovered a vast hoard of funerary vessels. Among them we found a most unique specimen, which, based on its size, shape and the honored position among the other urns leads us to believe we have recovered a perfectly preserved petrified penis of a pompous Persian prince. We enclose this specimen, with its accompanying urn for your inspection and authentication.

Collegially yours,
Reggie

To: Lord Duxford, OBE

From: Sir Robert de Fleurry, Chief Curator, Royal Society

My Lord,
We received your package with great enthusiasm and subjected it to the scrutiny of several of our resident subject matter experts. No expense was spared in our efforts to authenticate your find. The specimen was subjected to rigorous tests to include x-ray and chemical analysis.
It is with regret that, based on the expert opinion of our esteemed colleagues, we must put paid to the proposition that this particular piece is the petrified penis of a pompous Persian prince.
It is our considered conclusion that it is, on the contrary, a crude creation of a crafty Corinthian, who crept into the crypt, and crapped.

Humbly yours,
Sir Robert de Fleurry, Chief Curator, Royal Society

 

[GTX]

 

[GTX]

 

[Ralph Haus]

View attachment 666443

HE!!!! Careful.

 

[Wurger]

 

[MiTasol]

View attachment 666418

That looks like a typical worksite for our local council though the 12 vehicles (11 new medium size sedans and one old ute) the various staff need to travel (over 100km) from the council depot to any local work site are missing.

The pre graphics version of that truism is

BOATRACE​

Once upon a time Brand X Aviation and the American manufacturer of their aircraft decided to have a competition boat race on the river Thames.

Both teams practised long and hard to reach their peak performance. On the big day, they were as ready as they could be.

The Americans won by a mile!

Afterwards the Brand X Aviation team became very discouraged by the loss and morale sagged. Senior management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found and a project team was set up to investigate the problem and recommend appropriate action.

THE CONCLUSION:

The problem was the Americans had eight people rowing, and one person steering. Brand X Aviation had one person rowing and eight people steering.

Senior management immediately hired a consultancy company to do a study on the team structure. Millions of dollars and several months later the consultancy company concluded that:

"Too many people were steering and not enough rowing".

To prevent losing to the Americans again next year, the team structure was changed to:

One rower
Four Steering Managers
Three Senior Steering Managers and
One Executive Steering Manager

A new quality performance system was set up for the person rowing the boat to give more incentive to work harder and become a key performer.

THE NEXT YEAR THE AMERICANS WON BY TWO MILES!

Brand X Aviation laid off the rower for poor performance, sold all the paddles and cancelled all the capital investment for new equipment.

They halted the development of a new canoe, awarded high performance awards to the Consultants and distributed the money saved as bonuses to Senior Management.

 

[Lucky13]

 

[Lucky13]

 

[Lucky13]

"He who sweats more in training bleeds less in war." – Spartan Creed

 

[ThomasP]

 

[Gnomey]

 

[ARTESH]

View attachment 666476

I should try this!

 

[ARTESH]

 

[ARTESH]

Boys vs. Girls ...

Girls after getting 19.75 in any exam:

---

Boys after 3 terrible defeats and loosing half of their land:

 

[GTX]