Quotes and Jokes (9 Viewers)

[Ralph Haus]

Lifted from The Buzzard Roost News (Rising Star, TX)

A women from New York was driving through a remote part of Arizona when her car broke down. An American Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town. She climbed behind him on the horse and they rode off. The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian would let out a "Yeeehaaa!" so loud that it echoed from the surrounding hills and canyon walls.

When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, yelled one final "Yeeehaaa!"and rode off.


'What did you do to get that Indian so excited?", asked the service attendant. Nothing, the woman answered, I merely sat behind him on the horse, wrapped my arms around his waist, and held onto the saddle horn so I wouldn't fall off.

Lady, the attendant said, Indians don't use saddles.

 

[Wurger]

 

[MiTasol]

Mods delete if too political - Note this joke appears very current at present because the NSW government has just announced it will spend $25 MILLION to add an extra flagpole to the 99 year old Sydney Harbour Bridges and that it must be designed to look identical to the old ones. Apparently it will cost well over $24.5 million just to duplicate the original drawings which are probably in Archives anyway. Unfortunately that is not a/the joke. When challenged on the cost the Premier said he had no idea why so expensive but that is what the experts told him it would cost.

NSW Premier forced to review $25million Harbour Bridge flagpole price tag

Four years ago the now NSW Premier accused Labor's commitment to flying the Aboriginal flag on the Harbour Bridge as being "virtue signalling". Now, his government will do the same, for a hefty cost.

www.sbs.com.au

A government agent is responsible for finding an architect to build a tower

So he brings 3 architects, a Chinese, an American and an Australian with links to senior NSW police. The Chinese architect says I charge 3 Millions, 1.5M for material, 1M for workers and 0.5M as my salary.

He goes to the next one. The American architect says I charge 6 Millions, 3M for material, 2M for workers and 1M as my salary.

Finally he asks the Australian . The Australian architect says I charge 9 Millions. The agent asks surprisingly "How come?!"

The Australian replies: "You take 3M, I take 3M and we pay 3M to the Chinese to build the tower"

 

[MiTasol]

 

[MiTasol]

 

[SaparotRob]

I bought a wig on eBay for one dollar today.

I thought it was a cheap price to pay.

 

[Gnomey]

 

[Ralph Haus]

Mods delete if too political - Note this joke appears very current at present because the NSW government has just announced it will spend $25 MILLION to add an extra flagpole to the 99 year old Sydney Harbour Bridges and that it must be designed to look identical to the old ones. Apparently it will cost well over $24.5 million just to duplicate the original drawings which are probably in Archives anyway. Unfortunately that is not a/the joke. When challenged on the cost the Premier said he had no idea why so expensive but that is what the experts told him it would cost.

NSW Premier forced to review $25million Harbour Bridge flagpole price tag

Four years ago the now NSW Premier accused Labor's commitment to flying the Aboriginal flag on the Harbour Bridge as being "virtue signalling". Now, his government will do the same, for a hefty cost.

www.sbs.com.au

A government agent is responsible for finding an architect to build a tower

So he brings 3 architects, a Chinese, an American and an Australian with links to senior NSW police. The Chinese architect says I charge 3 Millions, 1.5M for material, 1M for workers and 0.5M as my salary.

He goes to the next one. The American architect says I charge 6 Millions, 3M for material, 2M for workers and 1M as my salary.

Finally he asks the Australian . The Australian architect says I charge 9 Millions. The agent asks surprisingly "How come?!"

The Australian replies: "You take 3M, I take 3M and we pay 3M to the Chinese to build the tower"

Now I'm Depressed. Having visited/worked in Sidney, enjoying the extremely welcoming people and all, I never paid much attention to the politics; always assuming some sanity? Looks like I was wrong. Please, someone, give me the name of at least one country that has a 'sane' political leadership? Yeah, I know.....Liechtenstein maybe??? Monaco???

 

[SaparotRob]

Now I'm Depressed. Having visited/worked in Sidney, enjoying the extremely welcoming people and all, I never paid much attention to the politics; always assuming some sanity? Looks like I was wrong. Please, someone, give me the name of at least one country that has a 'sane' political leadership? Yeah, I know.....Liechtenstein maybe???

Have you considered the Duchy of Grand Fenwick?

 

[DerAdlerIstGelandet]

Lifted from The Buzzard Roost News (Rising Star, TX)

Three friends married women from different branches of the military.

The first married a woman from the Navy. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.

The second man married a women from the Air Force. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but by the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done, and there was a huge dinner on the table.

The third man married a Woman Marine. He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said on the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he still didn't see anything but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher. He still has some difficulties when he pees

Meanwhile she is eating crayons and telling everyone she sees that she is a Marine.

 

[DerAdlerIstGelandet]

M.A.R.I.N.E.S

My Ass Rides In Navy Equipment and Ships

 

[special ed]

In a military theme:

 

[davparlr]

In a military theme:

View attachment 674889View attachment 674890View attachment 674892View attachment 674893

Speaking of maintenance men, when I was in Pilot training at Vance AFB, Ok. They had civilian mantence, which were very good (IPs would write up planes for being dirty). I started dating a girl who's dad was head of T-38 maintenance. You can bet I treated her very well! In fact we've been married 51 years.

In a military theme:

View attachment 674889View attachment 674890View attachment 674892View attachment 674893

Speaking of Maintenance men, when I was in pilot training at Vance AFB OK, I dated a girl who's dad was chief of T-38 Maintenance. You can bet I treated here very well. We've been married for 51 years.

 

[ThomasP]

Air Force female avionics maintainer when I was 23.

Air Force female avionics maintainer now I am 63.

 

[Lucky13]

Well....oh never mind!

 

[at6]

That's just nasty.

 

[MiTasol]

Well....oh never mind!

View attachment 674898

Hey Jan
You should have had worn purple shoes in that self portrait.

 

[at6]

I think that he ate all of Rochie's cooking in one setting.

 

[WARSPITER]

There's a special place in hell for people who tell jokes like that.

And guess where we have just opened a new branch. Welcome.

 

[Snautzer01]

Well....oh never mind!

View attachment 674898