Quotes and Jokes (5 Viewers)
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Lucky13
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special ed
2nd Lieutenant
- 5,747
- May 13, 2018
special ed
2nd Lieutenant
- 5,747
- May 13, 2018
special ed
2nd Lieutenant
- 5,747
- May 13, 2018
special ed
2nd Lieutenant
- 5,747
- May 13, 2018
A man was in a bookstore with his young son and the boy was holding a quarter. Suddenly, the boy began choking and turning blue in the face. His father realizes his son has swallowed the coin, panics and calls for help.
A well dressed, attractive and serious looking woman in a business suit looks up from the adjoining coffee bar, puts down her cup, folds her newspaper, makes her way, unhurriedly, across the store.
Reaching the boy, she drops his pants, takes a firm grip of the boy's testicles, and begins to squeeze and twist, firmly at first, then more intensely. After a few seconds, the boy convulses, then coughs up the quarter. The woman catches the quarter, hands it to the man and walks back to her table without saying a word.
As soon as the man is certain his son is recovered, he rushes to the woman, thanks her saying, "I've never seen anything like that before. Are you a doctor?"
"No, divorce attorney."
A well dressed, attractive and serious looking woman in a business suit looks up from the adjoining coffee bar, puts down her cup, folds her newspaper, makes her way, unhurriedly, across the store.
Reaching the boy, she drops his pants, takes a firm grip of the boy's testicles, and begins to squeeze and twist, firmly at first, then more intensely. After a few seconds, the boy convulses, then coughs up the quarter. The woman catches the quarter, hands it to the man and walks back to her table without saying a word.
As soon as the man is certain his son is recovered, he rushes to the woman, thanks her saying, "I've never seen anything like that before. Are you a doctor?"
"No, divorce attorney."
ThomasP
Senior Master Sergeant
ThomasP
Senior Master Sergeant
at6
1st Sergeant
So that's what happens if you buy a firearm from IKEA.
MiTasol
1st Lieutenant
MiTasol
1st Lieutenant
special ed
2nd Lieutenant
- 5,747
- May 13, 2018
There's a special place in hell for people who tell jokes like that.
Ralph Haus
Tech Sergeant
Lifted from The Buzzard Roost News (Rising Star, TX)
Three friends married women from different branches of the military.
The first married a woman from the Navy. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.
The second man married a women from the Air Force. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but by the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done, and there was a huge dinner on the table.
The third man married a Woman Marine. He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said on the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he still didn't see anything but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher. He still has some difficulties when he pees
Three friends married women from different branches of the military.
The first married a woman from the Navy. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.
The second man married a women from the Air Force. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but by the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done, and there was a huge dinner on the table.
The third man married a Woman Marine. He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said on the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he still didn't see anything but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher. He still has some difficulties when he pees
Ralph Haus
Tech Sergeant
Lifted from The Buzzard Roost News (Rising Star, TX)
A former sergeant in the Marine Corps took a new job as a high school teacher. Just before the school year started , he injured his back. He was required to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. Fortunately, the cast fit under his shirt and wasn't noticeable.
On the first day of class, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in the school. The smart punks, having heard the new teacher was a former Marine, were leery of him and he knew they would be testing his discipline in the classroom.
Walking confidently into the classroom, the new teacher opened the window wide and sat down at his desk. When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he picked up a stapler and stapled the tie to his chest.
Dead silence...the rest of the year went very smoothly.
A former sergeant in the Marine Corps took a new job as a high school teacher. Just before the school year started , he injured his back. He was required to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. Fortunately, the cast fit under his shirt and wasn't noticeable.
On the first day of class, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in the school. The smart punks, having heard the new teacher was a former Marine, were leery of him and he knew they would be testing his discipline in the classroom.
Walking confidently into the classroom, the new teacher opened the window wide and sat down at his desk. When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he picked up a stapler and stapled the tie to his chest.
Dead silence...the rest of the year went very smoothly.
