Quotes and Jokes (5 Viewers)

[buffnut453]

Putin and Zelensky are having a nice phone chat.

Zelensky: Hey Vlad, it's Volod. Wanna hear a joke?

Putin: Sure.

Zelensky. Ok...here goes. Kyiv.

Putin: I don't get it.

Zelensky: EXACTLY!!!!!

 

[Gnomey]

 

[DerAdlerIstGelandet]

Putin and Zelensky are having a nice phone chat.

Zelensky: Hey Vlad, it's Volod. Wanna hear a joke?

Putin: Sure.

Zelensky. Ok...here goes. Kyiv.

Putin: I don't get it.

Zelensky: EXACTLY!!!!!

Stealing this…lol

 

[Lucky13]

 

[GTX]

 

[GTX]

 

[ARTESH]

5 years old me, when seeing a plane in sky...

125 years old me, same as above!!!

I prefer MP3!!!

Previously talking about translation errors, here is an example.

Once I was behind a traffic light in Tabriz, it turned green and I forgot to drive my car...

A few seconds later, the police officer knocked the window and asked: "Excuse me Madame, didn't you like any of our colours?"

 

[Ralph Haus]

View attachment 689078

Actually needing some for a UTV that will NOT run correctly if seat belts not snapped in. This thing has doors and a steel bar that would keep anything from falling out. Now turn overs is a different story!

 

[Frog]

Definition of a millisecond :
The time laps between the light turning green and the sound of the horn from the asshole behind your car.

 

[Gnomey]

 

[special ed]

A woman was having a daytime affair while hubby was at work, however one rainy day, in bed with her boyfriend, she heard her husband's car come into the driveway.
"Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window. My husband is home early!"
"I can't jump out the window. It's raining out there."
"If my husband catches us , he'll kill us both. He has a bad temper and a gun, so the rain is the least of your problems."
The boyfriend grabs his clothes and jumps out the window. As he ran down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's annual marathon, so he started running beside others. Among the the 300 or so runners, being naked with his clothes under his arm, he tried to blend in a group of runners near him who had been watching with curiosity.
One asked, "Do you always run in the nude?"
"Oh, yes. It feels so free."
Another said, "Do you always run carrying your clothes under your arm?"
"Yes. That way I can get dressed at the end of the run and drive home."
A third runner, looking lower, asked, "Do you always wear a condom when you run?"
"No, only when it's raining."

 

[DerAdlerIstGelandet]

 

[ThomasP]

Funny . . he doesn't look Russian.

 

[cammerjeff]

But he talks Fast, so he always sounds like he is rushing, sort sounds like Russian.

 

[GTX]

 

[Gnomey]

 

[special ed]

A few more Dad jokes:

 

[Lucky13]

 

[Lucky13]

Enough said....

 

[Wurger]