Quotes and Jokes (2 Viewers)

MiTasol · Nov 17, 2022

MiTasol · Nov 17, 2022

One of my favourite quotes is anonymous but is demonstrated in many of the items in this thread

Old age and treachery beat youth and enthusiasm

special ed · Nov 17, 2022

I used the knowledge of age over youth once when playing vollyball. One of the players on the other side was a career pizza delivery man. Whenever the ball went to him, I threw a nickel near his feet. He always looked down and missed the ball. He caught on when he realised they were all nickles and I had to throw a couple of quarters before he ignored the tinkle of coins. I figure I spent close to a dollar, but it was worth it.

GTX · Nov 17, 2022

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SaparotRob · Nov 17, 2022

Reminds me of something I saw about oxygen starvation on PBS years ago.
"I cut this piece 3 times and it's still too short ".

MiTasol · Nov 17, 2022

Snautzer01 · Nov 17, 2022

I laughed loudly to the annoyance of the cat. Go see the series

Snautzer01 · Nov 17, 2022

love this series very funny

Gnomey · Nov 17, 2022

manta22 · Nov 17, 2022

MiTasol said:
A farmer stopped by the local mechanic shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.

On the way home, he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint.

He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem – how to carry his entire purchases home.

While he was scratching his head, he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, 'Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?'

The farmer said, 'Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house. I would walk you there, but I can't carry this lot.'

The old lady suggested, 'Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm, and carry the goose in your other hand?'

'Why, thank you very much,' he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.

On the way he says, 'Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time.'

The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, 'I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?'

The farmer said, 'Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?'

The old lady replied, 'Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens.'

The sequel to this:
"The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, 'I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me twice?"
The farmer asked "Twice"?
The old lady replied "Well, we're coming back the same way, aren't we?"