Quotes and Jokes (2 Viewers)
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MiTasol
1st Lieutenant
Yesterday I was at my local TESCO store buying a large bag of Pedigree dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had, an elephant?
So, since I'm retired and have ittle to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Pedigree Diet again.
I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in hospital last time, but I'd lost 2 stone before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with Pedigree nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again.
(I have to mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off the kerb to sniff an Irish Setter's arse and a car hit me.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.
I'm now banned from TESCO.
Better watch what you ask retired people…
They have all the time in the world to think of daft things to say!
What did she think I had, an elephant?
So, since I'm retired and have ittle to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Pedigree Diet again.
I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in hospital last time, but I'd lost 2 stone before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with Pedigree nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again.
(I have to mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off the kerb to sniff an Irish Setter's arse and a car hit me.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.
I'm now banned from TESCO.
Better watch what you ask retired people…
They have all the time in the world to think of daft things to say!
special ed
2nd Lieutenant
- 5,591
- May 13, 2018
I was in line to check out with canned cat food and other things, when the young lady behind me asked if I had a cat. I said, "No, I'm making meatloaf tonight." We old guys think alike.
at6
1st Sergeant
At the checkout one night I referred to canned dog food as beef stew helper.
ThomasP
Senior Master Sergeant
I must confess, many times in the past the enticing aroma of canned cat food has tempted me to try it. Sometimes even now, when I walk down the cat food aisle in the supermarket I am tempted by the memory of the smell. I think I did try some when I was small . . . and I think I liked it. 
special ed
2nd Lieutenant
- 5,591
- May 13, 2018
I tasted the sliced beef. It needs salt.
SaparotRob
Unter Gemeine Geschwader Murmeltier XIII
Ya' know, ya' see memes like this and ya' wish it was true.
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manta22
Banned
For an "incompetent" he has done rather well for himself...........
manta22
Banned
Arrrggghhhhhhhhhhhh
It's terrible beer…
at6
1st Sergeant
And now we know why.
MiTasol
1st Lieutenant
Snautzer01
Honourably banned
- 42,434
- Mar 26, 2007
Fixed it.
special ed
2nd Lieutenant
- 5,591
- May 13, 2018
Did I just see Der Adler call it beer? I'm sure he misspoke!
Good point. It's piss water.
