Snautzer01
Honourably banned
- 38,475
- Mar 26, 2007
He is ahead off you. Practice makes perfect. Usain tried it once. He does not talk about it.
Quotes and Jokes (7 Viewers)
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special ed
1st Sergeant
- 4,883
- May 13, 2018
Lucky13
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special ed
1st Sergeant
- 4,883
- May 13, 2018
Now I bow my head down in awe!
My wife will NEVER complain about my piddly collection EVER again!!
special ed
1st Sergeant
- 4,883
- May 13, 2018
ARTESH
Chief Master Sergeant
A: What do you call someone who only likes Persian rice?
B: A riceist!
----
A government agent is responsible for finding an architect to build a tower
So he brings 3 architects, a Chinese, an American and an Iranian. The Chinese architect says I charge 3 Millions, 1.5M for material, 1M for workers and 0.5M as my salary.
He goes to the next one. The American architect says I charge 6 Millions, 3M for material, 2M for workers and 1M as my salary.
Finally he asks the Iranian. The Iranian architect says I charge 9 Millions. The agent asks surprisingly "How come?!"
The Iranian replies: "You take 3M, I take 3M and we pay 3M to the Chinese to build the tower"
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B: A riceist!
----
A government agent is responsible for finding an architect to build a tower
So he brings 3 architects, a Chinese, an American and an Iranian. The Chinese architect says I charge 3 Millions, 1.5M for material, 1M for workers and 0.5M as my salary.
He goes to the next one. The American architect says I charge 6 Millions, 3M for material, 2M for workers and 1M as my salary.
Finally he asks the Iranian. The Iranian architect says I charge 9 Millions. The agent asks surprisingly "How come?!"
The Iranian replies: "You take 3M, I take 3M and we pay 3M to the Chinese to build the tower"
---
special ed
1st Sergeant
- 4,883
- May 13, 2018
bdefen
Senior Airman
The missing link.
bdefen
Senior Airman
Like the explosive dye-bomb banks used to place in the loot when they were robbed. When the perp went out the door, electronic devices at the door would trigger the bomb sensors. (kind of like today's door-exit shoplifting alarms). Either within a pre-set time, or when Jesse James handled the loot, the bomb would explode, coating Mr. James and his crew with a profoundly indelible and highly visible red dye.
I was a bank branch auditor, and our procedures required that we check on the dye-bombs to see that their batteries had been changed regularly. One fellow auditor had seen the aftermath of an explosion. Lots of new clothes required, and some serious scrubbing to remove the dye.
special ed
1st Sergeant
- 4,883
- May 13, 2018
special ed
1st Sergeant
- 4,883
- May 13, 2018
A man walked into Joe's Barber Shop for his regular haircut. As he snips, Joe asks, "What's up?"
The man explains he is taking a vacation to Rome.
"ROME?! Why would you want to go there? It's a crowded dirty city full of Italians. You'd be crazy to go to Rome! So how ya getting there?"
"We're taking TWA."
"TWA?! They're a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly and they're always late! So where are you staying in Rome?"
We'll be at the International Marriot."
"THAT DUMP?! That's the worst hotel in the city! The rooms are small, the service surly, slow and overpriced! So whatcha doing while you are there?"
"We're going to see the Vatican and hope to see the Pope."
"HA! That's rich. You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on THIS trip. You're going to need it."
A month later the man comes in for his regular haircut.
Joe says, " Well, how was that trip to Rome? Betcha TWA gave you the worst flight of your life."
"No quite the opposite. Not only were we on time in one of their brand new planes, but since it was full, they bumped us to first class. The food and wine was great and we had a beautiful 28 year old flight attendant who waited on us continuously."
"Well, I bet the hotel was just as I described."
"No, just the opposite. They just finished a $25 million remodelling. It's the finest hotel in Rome now. They were overbooked, so they gave us the Presidential suite at no extra charge."
"Well, I KNOW you didn't see the Pope!"
"Actually, we were quite lucky. As we toured the Vatican, A Swiss guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained the Pope likes to personally meet some of the visitors, and would I be so kind as to step into this private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet us. Sure enough , the Pope walked in and shook my hand. I knelt as he spoke a few words to me."
Impressed, Joe asked, "Tell me, please. What did he say?"
"Oh, not much really. Just 'Where did you get that awful haircut?' "
The man explains he is taking a vacation to Rome.
"ROME?! Why would you want to go there? It's a crowded dirty city full of Italians. You'd be crazy to go to Rome! So how ya getting there?"
"We're taking TWA."
"TWA?! They're a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly and they're always late! So where are you staying in Rome?"
We'll be at the International Marriot."
"THAT DUMP?! That's the worst hotel in the city! The rooms are small, the service surly, slow and overpriced! So whatcha doing while you are there?"
"We're going to see the Vatican and hope to see the Pope."
"HA! That's rich. You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on THIS trip. You're going to need it."
A month later the man comes in for his regular haircut.
Joe says, " Well, how was that trip to Rome? Betcha TWA gave you the worst flight of your life."
"No quite the opposite. Not only were we on time in one of their brand new planes, but since it was full, they bumped us to first class. The food and wine was great and we had a beautiful 28 year old flight attendant who waited on us continuously."
"Well, I bet the hotel was just as I described."
"No, just the opposite. They just finished a $25 million remodelling. It's the finest hotel in Rome now. They were overbooked, so they gave us the Presidential suite at no extra charge."
"Well, I KNOW you didn't see the Pope!"
"Actually, we were quite lucky. As we toured the Vatican, A Swiss guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained the Pope likes to personally meet some of the visitors, and would I be so kind as to step into this private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet us. Sure enough , the Pope walked in and shook my hand. I knelt as he spoke a few words to me."
Impressed, Joe asked, "Tell me, please. What did he say?"
"Oh, not much really. Just 'Where did you get that awful haircut?' "
