Quotes and Jokes

[GTX]

 

[GTX]

 

[special ed]

More dad jokes:

My grief counselor died.
He was so good, I don't even care.

 

[special ed]

My wife left a note on the fridge: This isn't working.
I'm not sure what she means, I opened the door and it's working fine.

 

[Gnomey]

 

[special ed]

Murphy didn't have long to live, and his children were gathered around his deathbed.
As the 88 year old seemed to doze in blissful sleep, the children discussed funeral plans.
One wanted to spend only a hundred Euros for a coffin.
Another said a plain wooden box was enough.
A third was for dumping the remains in a paper sack.
They all agreed there was no reason to spend much, as their father would never know.
Just then, Murphy stirred, having heard every word.
"Children, I have never told you this, and never wanted to, but I must relieve myself of this burden."
"My children, your dear departed mother and I were never married."
The eldest, aghast, "you mean were...."
"Right you are, and cheap ones at that!"

 

[special ed]

Studies show humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.

 

[special ed]

When I was a kid, I was afraid of the dark.
Now, an adult, the electricity bill makes me afraid of the light.

 

[Frog]

Studies show humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.

In the old french army ration, the beef stew can was called canned monkey.

 

[Greg Boeser]

Studies show humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.

I remember sitting in a Geography of Africa class back in college. The subject of the origins of AIDS came up. One theory at the time was that it had spread from apes to humans by Africans eating monkeys. Now there were several international students, actual Africans, in the class. One objected to the idea that people eat monkeys. Another scoffed at the theory because where he came from nobody had AIDS and they eat a lot of monkeys.

 

[GTX]

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dJ9ln6SYbxI

 

[MiTasol]

I remember sitting in a Geography of Africa class back in college. The subject of the origins of AIDS came up. One theory at the time was that it had spread from apes to humans by Africans eating monkeys. Now there were several international students, actual Africans, in the class. One objected to the idea that people eat monkeys. Another scoffed at the theory because where he came from nobody had AIDS and they eat a lot of monkeys.

Older people these days forget, and the young ones never knew, that the first AIDS victim was a priest, diagnosed in Haiti, who had never been to Africa.

For that reason I have NEVER believed the African monkey crap.

 

[SaparotRob]

I always trust South American monkey crap.

 

[A4K]

The weirder it sounds, the more true it is, right?
I'm with the monkey crap

 

[Vic Balshaw]

Personally!......I don't give a monkey's........................................................Where's my bl**dy coat!

 

[CATCH 22]

Older people these days forget, and the young ones never knew, that the first AIDS victim was a priest, diagnosed in Haiti, who had never been to Africa.

For that reason I have NEVER believed the African monkey crap.

You don't necessarily need to go to Africa to meet an African monkey, eh? Maybe he had it at his home or met it on the beach?

 

[Lucky13]

 

[A4K]

You don't necessarily need to go to Africa to meet an African monkey, eh? Maybe he had it at his home or met it on the beach?

Maybe he's one of those weird guys who hangs around in monkey pick up joints... ('Monkey bars'? )

 

[GTX]

 

[GTX]