Not sure what to do anymore... in need of guidance

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Thanks guys

Well his 3 days are up tomorrow and the only state that doesn't require him to sign himself in is Utah so that is where he is headed. Two air Marshalls are picking him up and transporting him by plane to Utah where he will then be transfered to the rehab facility.
 
Still prayin, bro, for you, your family, and your brother. Sometimes its hard, but sometimes the best thing is to let someone slam face-first into rock-bottom. I know several folks who got their wake-up call that way.
 
B-17engineer said:
Well, he had a relapse, and it was a bad one.

I came home from school yesterday and my parents told him to stay outside and that they needed to talk to him. I told my little brother to go downstairs and i'd be down in a second. They got a call he was using opiates. He proceeded to start throwing things, he broke a glass table in the backyard, my dads bike, and a few other miscellaneous items. My dad told him that he needs to be evaluated at a hospital and he said he'd never take a drug test, screamed a few profanities, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the steps in the front of our house. Then my dad (Police officer) starting comparing my eyes to his, his pupils were like the point of a pin. He was obviously under the influence during this whole ordeal and the symptoms for heroin are violence toward loved ones.

He also broke one of my things and im bigger then him so I grabbed him and held him against the wall, my dad told me to let him go and then said not to come back in. We had the police take him to the hospital since he wouldn't go willingly. Doctors evaluated him there, he tested positive, but the kicker is they can't hold him there. He won't sign himself into a rehab and said he would rather be in jail. So my parents yesterday took pictures of everything broken and plan on filing charges with the police.

Everything that comes out of his mouth is a lie. Its not like were in some impoverished inner city area, my parents are both hardworking people who contribute to society. I don't get it.
Click to expand...

Harrrison

i really feel for the situation you and your family are facing. I speak from experience, though my brother was an alcoholic, and a bad one (he was violent). and i come from a decent middle class background similar to your situation). so i believe my experience may be of some help. Just remember this, what you are dealing with here is not your brother, its the substance abuse. your brother is the guy you knew before the trouble started, not what you are seeing now. When he behaves like he does, it does no good to get in there and reason or debate or seek justice or retribution. The solution is that you have to be the adult, setting the limits on what is acceptable behaviour and what is not. you need to t0lk to your parents, and i would strongly recommend you get advice from a Counsellor (perhaps through your school....talk to your parents0. You need skills and maturity to deal with this situation, and i wont lie, its tough.

forgive your brothers lies it comes with the territory, but dont forget. Sounds like you are at the point that he will say or do anything. thats not him talking, its his dependance. he sounds like he is just a kid, hasnt realized or is uncaring as to the terrible toll his dependance is causing on himself and his family.

I want you to stop being a brother for a minute and be an adult. Thats what you need to do im afraid, if my experience is anything to go by. famillies are not well equipped to deal with this situation though your dads experience as a Police officer does (i think) give your family additional resources that might be helpful. There is no magic bullet to solve what you and your family face. You cannot abandon your brother if you love him, but neither can you let him run amok in your lives because his dependance will destroy you if you let that happen

In my opinion, the answer is the setting of limits as to what is acceptable and what isnt. This might sound stupid, but i think you need some area of sanctuary, an area or space that is yours, and your brother is not allowed to come into. I had the same problem. My brother used to come into my room and steal stuff and want to pick fights with me all the time. i got my parents to put a solid core door with a lock on my door. I had a relephone in my room. When my brother used to come home drunk and want to pick a fight with me, or steal or extort money from me, i would simply lock the door and he couldnt get in. My fortress. my sanctuary. when i would leave for school the door was locked. you also need to talk to your brother 9when he is sober, and lay down the "rules" for him as far as his dealings with you are concerned......what is acceptable and what isnt. Do that in consultation with your parents and counsellor. I would recomend you write them down.

eg

"1.Dont ever come in my room except when im there and with my full permission
2. Dont ever touch my stuff except with me there and with my permission
3. If you break or damage anything that is mine, you will pay for it (method of payment to be decided by Mom and Dad)
4. If you (your brother) dont use for 1 week, i promise to take you to bike riding each saturday morning, but if you lie about your usage and we find out, ther will be no bike rides for 1 month " .....etc

This wont just be for your benefit...it will set structure and order for your brother as well, and it sets limits for the whole family to know. it gives some sense of order and safety for a family which i think would be doing it tuff right now.

Michael
 
parsifal said:
Harrrison

i really feel for the situation you and your family are facing. I speak from experience, though my brother was an alcoholic, and a bad one (he was violent). and i come from a decent middle class background similar to your situation). so i believe my experience may be of some help. Just remember this, what you are dealing with here is not your brother, its the substance abuse. your brother is the guy you knew before the trouble started, not what you are seeing now. When he behaves like he does, it does no good to get in there and reason or debate or seek justice or retribution. The solution is that you have to be the adult, setting the limits on what is acceptable behaviour and what is not. you need to t0lk to your parents, and i would strongly recommend you get advice from a Counsellor (perhaps through your school....talk to your parents0. You need skills and maturity to deal with this situation, and i wont lie, its tough.

forgive your brothers lies it comes with the territory, but dont forget. Sounds like you are at the point that he will say or do anything. thats not him talking, its his dependance. he sounds like he is just a kid, hasnt realized or is uncaring as to the terrible toll his dependance is causing on himself and his family.

I want you to stop being a brother for a minute and be an adult. Thats what you need to do im afraid, if my experience is anything to go by. famillies are not well equipped to deal with this situation though your dads experience as a Police officer does (i think) give your family additional resources that might be helpful. There is no magic bullet to solve what you and your family face. You cannot abandon your brother if you love him, but neither can you let him run amok in your lives because his dependance will destroy you if you let that happen

In my opinion, the answer is the setting of limits as to what is acceptable and what isnt. This might sound stupid, but i think you need some area of sanctuary, an area or space that is yours, and your brother is not allowed to come into. I had the same problem. My brother used to come into my room and steal stuff and want to pick fights with me all the time. i got my parents to put a solid core door with a lock on my door. I had a relephone in my room. When my brother used to come home drunk and want to pick a fight with me, or steal or extort money from me, i would simply lock the door and he couldnt get in. My fortress. my sanctuary. when i would leave for school the door was locked. you also need to talk to your brother 9when he is sober, and lay down the "rules" for him as far as his dealings with you are concerned......what is acceptable and what isnt. Do that in consultation with your parents and counsellor. I would recomend you write them down.

eg

"1.Dont ever come in my room except when im there and with my full permission
2. Dont ever touch my stuff except with me there and with my permission
3. If you break or damage anything that is mine, you will pay for it (method of payment to be decided by Mom and Dad)
4. If you (your brother) dont use for 1 week, i promise to take you to bike riding each saturday morning, but if you lie about your usage and we find out, ther will be no bike rides for 1 month " .....etc

This wont just be for your benefit...it will set structure and order for your brother as well, and it sets limits for the whole family to know. it gives some sense of order and safety for a family which i think would be doing it tuff right now.

Michael
Click to expand...

I really appreciate this, as his use went on this second time around his lies got worse and worse so it was easier to catch him in a lie and when we did its when he'd get angry/violent. He wants to be treated like an adult he said and I almost laughed at it. After all the privileges he abused he wants to be treated like an adult? The Doctor said he doesn't feel any guilt for his actions and takes pleasure in recalling 'drug stories'. He is probably the most normal person in the psychiatric hosptial but it should give him a shock of what is to become. They sedated a guy in front of us in the hallway who was fighting with doctors I mean its crazy.

Well in about 6 hours (6am ET) the two Marshals will get ready to pull him out of bed and get on a plane with him to Utah. if he refuses to get on the plane they rent a car and drive and will give him opportunities to get on a plane at major airports along the way. If not theyre driving the two and a half days to Utah with him.

Today when were talking to him he said are you guys gonna get me out of here and my mom said yes...not in the way he thinks but she wasn't lying either.
 
H, I missed alot of this thread and just catching up. Nothing more I can add to what already has been said, except when you need to vent, do it here. All of us can provide an ear and a shoulder for you.
 
Ah, I think I saw that on TV once. Some sort of documentary, but out in the desert.

Well, we are all thinking of you, and I wish your brother the best of luck.
 
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