Not sure what to do anymore... in need of guidance

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Well, he called home from the hospital, and said if we didn't get him out he was going to do something to get himself thrown in jail. So my dad called and alerted the desk and they brought in another doctor for a second opinion. He's committed to 3 days in patient at literally a mental hospital. We still need to get him court ordered for longer but its a start
 
It's just a bummer, to see someone close, one who has such an impact on family. It's such a stigma that gets attached. It's saddening to see someone crumble in front of you. It Is something over which You have no control. It's like watching a train wreck, one that takes years from start to finish, and you cannot stop it from happening.

I have a friend in L.A., we learned to fly at the same time 21 years ago, who's wife is giving him so much grief. She has turned his two young boys against him. He's trying to get custody and get them away from the spiteful things she does. The thing I have asked him to do, is to make sure he does something for Him. He is the one that has to come thru all that is going on around him. Because He is going to be The influence his children will bank on in the end.

So, I think I have said this before to you as well. Make sure You survive this. Take care of You. One day you may be the influence that brings your brother thru all this. Show him you are genuinely concerned for his welfare, that you are on his side, as you have done. It's all you can do my friend.

Thinking about You,
Just Plane Bill
 
Still prayin, bro. Maybe a week or two in the joint will put him in where he can see firsthand the effects that this lifestyle will have on him. Hopefully the tough-love and brutal reality will open his eyes. But stay tough yourself, don't let this get you down.
 
Sorry to hear about the recent turn of events Harrison. Just awful for everyone concerned. As Just Plane Bill says - take care of your little brother. As you said too - he shouldn't have to see all this; it's a stark way to find out the dangers of getting involved in all this (serious) caper, loosing control and bieng unable to kick it all into touch. And look after yourself too. You're doing all you can but it's becoming clear your brother might not be coming out of this for a long time to come.
 
Thanks guys, the insurance company approved 3 days in a physchiatric hospital. So we need to wait for another evaluation and see where that puts us
 
Harrison, I've been here very infrequently of late and I hated to see this update today. I've been a Registered Nurse for over 20 years and nearly all of that time in psych nursing so I've seen scenarios similar to this played out many, many times. While the situations and the substances abused may vary widely, two things never change: the family suffers horribly from the chaos and believe it or not....so does the addict.

I won't presume to give advice, unsolicited and without full knowledge of all the dynamics, but I would like to make a few general observations. On the issue of ordering someone into a mental health facility or rehab; generally this is a civil court order as opposed to a criminal court order. Laws vary from state to state (I'm in Virginia) but often these involuntary orders are relatively short in duration and intended as a crisis admission to evaluate "Imminent" danger to self or others. Someone that is actively psychotic and running in traffic....or someone hopelessly depressed and suicidal with a plan are two classic examples. While a substance abuser may display very risky and harmful behavior when they are under the influence, disinhibited by their drug of choice. They often 'sober up" in 24-36 hours and want nothing more than to be released and go get high....again. Unless they are currently displaying the same dangerous and harmful behavior that got them admitted in the first place, a court may have no choice but to release them. At least in my state, these civil orders generally can NOT order an addict into treatment if there are no other factors (delusions, psychosis, suicidally depressed) present.

Second, there is a (slow) growth of a new treatment options for substance abusers who have "intersected with the justice system" and that is Drug Courts. At times this is a hot-bed issue when people believe it is being soft on crime and no politician want to be accused of having a "Hug a Thug" record rather than tough on crime stance. But drug courts are (again, generally) made for non-vioelnt offenders with a substance abuse problem. It is a program run by a specially trained judge and support staff that requires an offender to meet ALL of their requirements or its back in jail for them. I know that Virginia, especially rural Virginia, has just a few of these. I found the website below that has a littel information on this, but I don't know where to point you for further information or referrals.
Pennsylvania Unified Judicial System

I don't mean to sound discouraging and I hope it doesn't make you feel that way. You mentioned opiate pain killers earlier and if thats the case it is a dangerous and powerfully addictive substance. Some great pain meds under a Dr's care but all too easily abused. And all too common on the street these days.
Its a very diffiucult thing to watch a loved one self-destruct before your eyes. Its just as difficult to really want to help them but not sure how to do that without either enabling them (rescuing) so they just use again...or help in a way that doesn't make you feel like your turning your back on them. Talking helps, it really does. I've been impressed with your candor and strength to reach out like this to your friends on this forum. Assuming all of what I've written above may be of some help and not just old news you've heard a dozen times before; you may want to look for local family support groups like "Nar-Anon" or "Al-Anon" in your area. A quick google search found the site naranonepa.org for eastern PA, but I'm not sure if thats where you live.

Good luck and all the best to you and your parents.........Your brother too. Nobody chooses to be an addict; its a miserable spiral that they may believe they have control over, but it ultimatley controls them. Treatment can work, when they choose it. I hope he does.

(Looks like I did give advice after all, sorry. I know how this situation feels and I hope my best wishes come across even if my words may seem dire.)

Best regards,
Derek
 
mudpuppy said:
Harrison, I've been here very infrequently of late and I hated to see this update today. I've been a Registered Nurse for over 20 years and nearly all of that time in psych nursing so I've seen scenarios similar to this played out many, many times. While the situations and the substances abused may vary widely, two things never change: the family suffers horribly from the chaos and believe it or not....so does the addict.

I won't presume to give advice, unsolicited and without full knowledge of all the dynamics, but I would like to make a few general observations. On the issue of ordering someone into a mental health facility or rehab; generally this is a civil court order as opposed to a criminal court order. Laws vary from state to state (I'm in Virginia) but often these involuntary orders are relatively short in duration and intended as a crisis admission to evaluate "Imminent" danger to self or others. Someone that is actively psychotic and running in traffic....or someone hopelessly depressed and suicidal with a plan are two classic examples. While a substance abuser may display very risky and harmful behavior when they are under the influence, disinhibited by their drug of choice. They often 'sober up" in 24-36 hours and want nothing more than to be released and go get high....again. Unless they are currently displaying the same dangerous and harmful behavior that got them admitted in the first place, a court may have no choice but to release them. At least in my state, these civil orders generally can NOT order an addict into treatment if there are no other factors (delusions, psychosis, suicidally depressed) present.

Second, there is a (slow) growth of a new treatment options for substance abusers who have "intersected with the justice system" and that is Drug Courts. At times this is a hot-bed issue when people believe it is being soft on crime and no politician want to be accused of having a "Hug a Thug" record rather than tough on crime stance. But drug courts are (again, generally) made for non-vioelnt offenders with a substance abuse problem. It is a program run by a specially trained judge and support staff that requires an offender to meet ALL of their requirements or its back in jail for them. I know that Virginia, especially rural Virginia, has just a few of these. I found the website below that has a littel information on this, but I don't know where to point you for further information or referrals.
Pennsylvania Unified Judicial System

I don't mean to sound discouraging and I hope it doesn't make you feel that way. You mentioned opiate pain killers earlier and if thats the case it is a dangerous and powerfully addictive substance. Some great pain meds under a Dr's care but all too easily abused. And all too common on the street these days.
Its a very diffiucult thing to watch a loved one self-destruct before your eyes. Its just as difficult to really want to help them but not sure how to do that without either enabling them (rescuing) so they just use again...or help in a way that doesn't make you feel like your turning your back on them. Talking helps, it really does. I've been impressed with your candor and strength to reach out like this to your friends on this forum. Assuming all of what I've written above may be of some help and not just old news you've heard a dozen times before; you may want to look for local family support groups like "Nar-Anon" or "Al-Anon" in your area. A quick google search found the site naranonepa.org for eastern PA, but I'm not sure if thats where you live.

Good luck and all the best to you and your parents.........Your brother too. Nobody chooses to be an addict; its a miserable spiral that they may believe they have control over, but it ultimatley controls them. Treatment can work, when they choose it. I hope he does.

(Looks like I did give advice after all, sorry. I know how this situation feels and I hope my best wishes come across even if my words may seem dire.)

Best regards,
Derek
Click to expand...

Thank you very much Derek, they moved him to the new hospital at 1:30am this morning and they had extra doctors/staff incase he attempted to resist but apparently he walked to the ambulance and got in without a struggle. At the end of these three days, were looking at some options in different states, some as far as Utah. The bottom line is my parents are not letting him back in the house. Whether my dad has to buy an apartment and live with him or whatever he isn't coming back home. Theres the younger one here who doesn't need to see his brother fading in and out of consciousness because he's high on opiates. The school obviously knows about it because he hasn't been in school so they've been asking me about the situation and what not
 
I had hoped that this thread had concluded. I have to say that your post literally took my breath away. I really liked Derek's post. IM me if you wish to talk anytime. I wish him and your family the best.

Question? Where is he getting the "opiates"? And is he doing Oxy or heroin? Either way that costs $$. So is he stealing from your family or others to get his drugs? If so, that is gonna get bad real quick on top of his addiction.

Hang in there, buddy.
 
Matt308 said:
I had hoped that this thread had concluded. I have to say that your post literally took my breath away. I really liked Derek's post. IM me if you wish to talk anytime. I wish him and your family the best.

Question? Where is he getting the "opiates"? And is he doing Oxy or heroin? Either way that costs $$. So is he stealing from your family or others to get his drugs? If so, that is gonna get bad real quick on top of his addiction.

Hang in there, buddy.
Click to expand...

Heroin, and no ones sure where the money came from, none of us are missing money, so that leads us to believe he's stolen things. Also, when he got his license he told my parents he would be out for the day and the car with a full tank of gas would only come back with half a tank. He went to Newark for them I guess because he left the dam address in the GPS.

And again guys thanks for the support it really means a lot to me since I really can't talk to my friends about it because of the stigma that goes with someone in a mental hospital. The support is something that really helps in a time like this I've even got text messages from members so again thanks guys.

Right now were looking into a specific facility in Utah that would get him out of here and i'm not even telling his closest friends. He needs all ties cut from people.
 
Just telling you that "I'm sorry and hope things get straightened out for all" seem so shallow and unhelpful. I am going through a few issues (not to this level) with my daughter so I know part of the pain, frustration, hurt, anger, etc etc that something like this can have. So believe me when I tell you "I'm sorry and hope things get straightened out for all", that I sincerely mean it. I do hope for the best.
 
Appreciate it

Apprently now that he's got nothing in his system he's pleading with my parents to let him come home and he will go to all his meetings blah blah blah we've heard it all before. Also, the place is terrible in the fact that he's probably the most normal out of everyone there.
 
That must be sobering in itself... "things that may come to be". I hope he gets it like a "scared straight" episode.
 
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