Not sure what to do anymore... in need of guidance

[B-17engineer]

Hi guys,

I just felt like this was the only spot I could tell people about whats going on in my life.

About 4 months ago, my older brother was caught with drugs (Not just weed, some pills) by my mom and dad. He didn't resist the help and went to out-patient rehab so we all thought things would get a lot better. He doesn't do well in school, is never home, and is nasty to both my parents (not all the time, but on occasion). My parents took away the phone and internet from him because he failed a school drug test and was suspended for five days about 2 months into his rehab. The rehab place made him go for an extra 2 months in hopes he would somehow realize what he's doing to himself and our family.

Well, the other day he made a status on facebook "Time to get my life together" I was really optimistic that he meant it this time because he was actually trying in school and around the house more often. But as soon as I had optimism it was gone. He posted a status yesterday "Most f***ed up night ever, f*** the police." Turns out his so called girlfriend got pulled over for a burnt out tail light and another passenger and my brother were smoking weed. They were both searched but since the cops couldn't find anything they were let go. He came home and my parents decided to get him drug tested.

Test came back positive and my parents have both had it with him and his addiction. I came home from school today and there were packed bags in the kitchen with both my dads and brothers stuff in it. I asked what was going on and it was all explained. The out-patient rehab place is confronting him tonight about it and then my dad is giving him 2 options.

1) He takes the next step and gets a plane to Tennessee tonight (where he will be at in-patient for atleast a month for evaluation and then probably longer)
2) He isn't allowed to live in our house anymore and him and my dad are finding an apartment.

My dad just left, I'm in tears as I write this (Its been forever since i've cried last), and I am just praying he takes the help. I'm scared of what the future brings.

Thanks for listening

 

[Messy1]

Sorry to hear that Harrison. Until he is truly ready to confront his addiction, and make a permanent change, there is nothing you or your parents really can do for him. He has got to want to be clean, and make the choice to live his life clean. Until he is truly ready for that, he is not going to have a very good go of it.

 

[Readie]

Drugs and alcohol are devils when they get a hold.
I'm very sorry to read your post mate and I feel for your parents and you.
The desire for change and the will to see it all through and stay on the straight and narrow can only come from your brother.
In the meantime you are all in hell.
Your parents and you should seek support too as its all too easy to blame yourselves...
Best wishes
John

 

[Catch22]

Really sorry to hear that buddy, and both Byron and Readie have got it right. It has to come from him. Hopefully when he gets confronted tonight that'll spark something and he'll agree to go to TN to get help at the in-patient place. Once he's there, whether it works or not it's up to him but regardless I think it'll be more effective.

Hopefully the fact that your Devils are playing my horrible Oilers tonight will cheer you up.

 

[B-17engineer]

Thanks guys, appreciate it

He is gonna be asked about his decision in a few hours.....just waiting in the mean time.

 

[pbfoot]

I'd almost call anyone under the age of 60 a liar if they said they never smoked a joint (at least in Canada)

 

[Catch22]

I honestly haven't Neil. But I'm very rare.

That said, the problem with pot is that people use it as a gateway drug and move on to bigger things with it.

 

[B-17engineer]

I honestly haven't Neil. But I'm very rare.

That said, the problem with pot is that people use it as a gateway drug and move on to bigger things with it.

Yeah, that was my brothers issue.

 

[pbfoot]

I honestly haven't Neil. But I'm very rare.

That said, the problem with pot is that people use it as a gateway drug and move on to bigger things with it.

so is alcohol and its far more damaging then pot

 

[ccheese]

I'd almost call anyone under the age of 60 a liar if they said they never smoked a joint (at least in Canada)

I have never tried drugs, but I'm well over 60. However, I am a friend of Bill's, and was in the bottle for eight years. You know as well as I do that alcohol will muck you up as quick as drugs will.

Harrison, M'boy, nothing to do but hang in there and hope for the best. If you were older you'd have a say in the matter. Unfortunately, you have to sit and watch.

Charles

 

[Bucksnort101]

Doesn't matter what the drug of choice is, if it takes control of your life one is just as damaging as the other IMHO.

I do think your parents are handling this in the correct manner, but again it's really up to your brother to realize he has a problem and needs help to straighten it up.
Good luck to you, your parents, and most of all your brother.

 

[davparlr]

So sorry to hear of your plight. The only real control you have is your own life. Not much you can do otherwise. Do your best to maintain your own direction, study hard, and be responsible. Our prayers are with you.

 

[Gnomey]

Agree with all.

There is not much you can really do, your parents are certainly going about things the right way and it is up to your brother to see the error of his ways or not. The best thing you can do it support your parents in their process of trying to get him clean and back up their actions to him. The more people who try to assist him perhaps will have a more lasting impact. However at the end of the day it is all down to your brother and his motivation, something that you all as a family could assist him with.

 

[Matt308]

Harrison.

(1) Please sit down with your Dad before he offers his choices to your brother. Ask him to completely explain why he too is leaving at the expense of your Mom and you. I get the Dad thing about wanting to hover over your brother, but my gut tells me there is more to the story and at your age you deserve a complete explanation. If your Dad doesn't offer anything more, please take it at face value. If there is something more to his leaving too, you will eventually be told.

(2) Do the same with your Mom. You need both sides of the story. And once corroborated, remember that your Mom needs your shoulder to lean on too. You both can provide each other mutual support. If their stories do happen to differ than ask for an explanation. Try not to be emotional if at all possible.

(3) Once the confrontation occurs, do something that is likely VERY out of the ordinary for you. Hug and kiss your brother and tell him you love him unconditionally. He's more scared than you, your Mom and your Dad. Unfortunately the only way he is going to express that is via anger because he is a young man and cornered. Don't take personal offense to his reaction to you nor to your parents.

(4) Promise yourself that you will not drink nor do drugs (Yes, Pb... even pot). Doing any of them will cause you to lose money with nothing to show for it, may destroy relationships, may affect your health or worst case ruin your life. Sounds like your family may have some genetic disposition to addiction. Don't give that gene a chance. Sober is normal. High is not.

Hang in there, buddy. I am always available via PM.

 

[Aaron Brooks Wolters]

With all here Harrison. And don't forget to pray. He will listen. I'll put you and your family in my prayers.

 

[Erich]

am a little late on commenting to this tragedy, hey pard what is the fascination with your bro smoking pot anyway ? peer pressure, too much expectations from Dad especially and Mom ? simply put if this firm has their act together this could be the best thing for your bro if he does not feel loved or has tremendous trust issues with the parents or any grown-up he may just "spill the beans here" and that can be a good thing.

Matt has it on the spot, tell your bro you luv him unconditionally and of course to make it all go it is his decision of course, no-one can change that. Pose and be deliberate in asking questions of the your parents if they refuse to answer well then ............... remember to ask in love, the response may not be received the same way so be patient and expecting.

E ~

 

[B-17engineer]

Harrison.

(1) Please sit down with your Dad before he offers his choices to your brother. Ask him to completely explain why he too is leaving at the expense of your Mom and you. I get the Dad thing about wanting to hover over your brother, but my gut tells me there is more to the story and at your age you deserve a complete explanation. If your Dad doesn't offer anything more, please take it at face value. If there is something more to his leaving too, you will eventually be told.

(2) Do the same with your Mom. You need both sides of the story. And once corroborated, remember that your Mom needs your shoulder to lean on too. You both can provide each other mutual support. If their stories do happen to differ than ask for an explanation. Try not to be emotional if at all possible.

(3) Once the confrontation occurs, do something that is likely VERY out of the ordinary for you. Hug and kiss your brother and tell him you love him unconditionally. He's more scared than you, your Mom and your Dad. Unfortunately the only way he is going to express that is via anger because he is a young man and cornered. Don't take personal offense to his reaction to you nor to your parents.

(4) Promise yourself that you will not drink nor do drugs (Yes, Pb... even pot). Doing any of them will cause you to lose money with nothing to show for it, may destroy relationships, may affect your health or worst case ruin your life. Sounds like your family may have some genetic disposition to addiction. Don't give that gene a chance. Sober is normal. High is not.

Hang in there, buddy. I am always available via PM.

Thanks everyone.

Matt, thanks very much. I don't associate myself with the people who do drugs because my brother did and he is what he is. He's seen over 5 doctors and many of them thinks he's depressed or he is trying to get caught as a 'plea for help' because he doesn't know how to communicate it to my parents. My dad doesn't want him going to our school or hanging out with the same group of friends

Our school isn't strict about people taking the right bus so if he feels like it he can go to someone elses house. I won't be meeting with him but it will just be my parents and the rehab people. The place in Tennessee is ready to meet them at the airport if he decides he wants help.

If he chooses not to I'm gonna have my dad let me talk to him on the phone and I'm just gonna straight up tell him he should make the most of his time away from us and get the help he needs. In the case he is gone for over a month I didn't even get to say goodbye.

 

[B-17engineer]

am a little late on commenting to this tragedy, hey pard what is the fascination with your bro smoking pot anyway ? peer pressure, too much expectations from Dad especially and Mom ? simply put if this firm has their act together this could be the best thing for your bro if he does not feel loved or has tremendous trust issues with the parents or any grown-up he may just "spill the beans here" and that can be a good thing.

Matt has it on the spot, tell your bro you luv him unconditionally and of course to make it all go it is his decision of course, no-one can change that. Pose and be deliberate in asking questions of the your parents if they refuse to answer well then ............... remember to ask in love, the response may not be received the same way so be patient and expecting.

E ~

Well pot can be dealt with easier. I don't like the pot because its lead to things like Oxycontin and that sort of stuff. He thinks that its 'ok' to do that stuff.

 

[Catch22]

Well pot can be dealt with easier. I don't like the pot because its lead to things like Oxycontin and that sort of stuff. He thinks that its 'ok' to do that stuff.

That's the problem. Less so with alcohol, but it can do it too. Really depends on whether you know when to stop. I drink, but there's of course risks with that too in regards to addictions. What I think one of the bigger problems with pot is that it introduces you to the drug culture because of its illegality. Alcohol doesn't have that so in a way it's "safer".

 

[pbfoot]

Just wish your brother the best no one but himself can help with an addiction problem ,