Not sure what to do anymore... in need of guidance

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Don't be. Treat him like you would a friend from school. Don't tiptoe around, he may get the idea that he's broken somehow. Just go about business as usual. Have fun!
 
Thanks guys! My dad flew down on Saturday and they shall return tomorrow night. Its his 4th time in Nashville in a little under 2 months.
 
What can I say H, you've got more brains on those wee shoulders, than many people twice, and more, of your age.
Have just had a wee scan through this thread, like many here I'm d*mn proud of you and what you do for your brother.
Couldn't be more proud of you, had you been MY own brother. Also noticed that I missed his birthday, a very belated Happy Birthday from me! :oops:
Really hope that this is all in the past now, that you and your family can get your lives back, without hassle from unwanted caracters, trying to get back with your brother again. If not, me and a few of the...errmmm...lads from Glasgow are willing to exchange a few.....errrmm...words with them, but your old man will have to look the other way! I'm sure that some of the boys here as well, would be willing to offer their 2 cents! ;)

Please forward my very best to the rest of the family!

"Your reason and your passion are the rudder and the sails of your seafairing soul, if either your sails or your rudder be broken, you can but toss and drift, or else be held at a standstill in mid-seas. For reason, ruling alone, is a force confining; and passion, unattended, is a flame that burns to its own destruction."

Hope that you won't get me wrong here H. Think that you were your brothers rudder in this case, stearing him in the right direction.
 
Lucky13 said:
What can I say H, you've got more brains on those wee shoulders, than many people twice, and more, of your age.
Have just had a wee scan through this thread, like many here I'm d*mn proud of you and what you do for your brother.
Couldn't be more proud of you, had you been MY own brother. Also noticed that I missed his birthday, a very belated Happy Birthday from me! :oops:
Really hope that this is all in the past now, that you and your family can get your lives back, without hassle from unwanted caracters, trying to get back with your brother again. If not, me and a few of the...errmmm...lads from Glasgow are willing to exchange a few.....errrmm...words with them, but your old man will have to look the other way! I'm sure that some of the boys here as well, would be willing to offer their 2 cents! ;)

Please forward my very best to the rest of the family!

"Your reason and your passion are the rudder and the sails of your seafairing soul, if either your sails or your rudder be broken, you can but toss and drift, or else be held at a standstill in mid-seas. For reason, ruling alone, is a force confining; and passion, unattended, is a flame that burns to its own destruction."

Hope that you won't get me wrong here H. Think that you were your brothers rudder in this case, stearing him in the right direction.
Click to expand...

Thanks so much Jan! means a lot.

He came home today, hadn't watched TV in 2 months, hadn't drank a soda in 2 months, hadn't eaten candy in two months. He was about 5'9" and weighed 120 lbs (Pretty thin) but gained 20lbs in 2 months. They sure fed him well. He will return to school tomorrow but if any incidents occur its under a 'contract' that he will move schools.
 
Yep, good news and hoping for the best for him, Harrison. He's done real well, but the real test will come now he's back in normal daily life.

I couldn't even go into a pub after having to quit drinking (liver packed in) - just the smell would give me the craves to get drunk... but also a pain in my guts like someone was performing hare kiri on me. Avoided pubs like the plague accordingly, and could only drink my first small glass of beer about 3 and a half years later.

Hope your bro can beat the urges.
 
Anytime pal! Good news indeed! You've got my email in case you wanna email me, probably cost a fortune to text, but if you want, you can have my mobile number as well...
Keep them good news coming!
 
Thank you everyone!

He still wants to leave the house constantly but he's told me that he wants to stay clean. Its good to hear but the same time he hasn't just stopped and chilled. He still wants to be with different people everyday which is a bit concerning
 
Hang out with him if you can, and try to get him to hang out with others who aren't going to put him in temptation's way. Let him burn off the energy...he probably just needs a little bit of direction.
 
Harrison

I havent read all the posts, so i dont all the ins and outs of whats happened. I apologize for that.

I just wanted to share with you what i have learnt with drug and alchohol abuse. I work in a related field, and i have a close family member who is an alcholic.

I cant from this distance solve this issue, neither can i sugar coat the realities of what usually happens. Substance abuse is tough, its especially tough on famillies. A few things I would say however.

1) this is not your fault, its not the fault of your parents. Its the fault of your brother. he is both the cause and the main victim in this.

2) When an alchoholic or a drug user say they are giving up, they generally arent. If your brother is just acting out of a lack of maturity, he has a good chance of getting out of this. if he has agenuine habit its a long hard road to recovery. Generally the patient has to lose a whole lot before they can pull out of that self destructive vicious circle. The patient has to move to the point where he has nothing left to lose (and that usually means losing a whole lot) before he can begin the long slow process of sobering up and putting his life back together.

3) Years ago i did a course to try and help me through the situation with my relative. It was a course designed to help the family memebers that surround the abuser. Basically the family have to set limits, not try and solve or coach the substance abuser to a better place. It starts with self talk....working out what you are going to do and how you are going to react when he abuses. Work out the issues you are prepred to accept and work with, and those that you arent. Tell your brother what you are going to do, and how you will react if a situation arises......for example...."if I find out you are using, I am going to......."

4) If this is genuine abuse, and not just delinquency then your brother is not well. hes not a bad person. He has a weakness that people have to try to deal with. At the end of the day however, you have to find the ground, or the point that are able to deal and cope, anything beyond that point is not a problem you can or shoul take on or worry about. Your brother has choices, remember that

5) If your brother is just mucking up, still set limits, and know that at some point he will be hitting a wall over this. again, work out what you are prepred to do, and what you arent. Tell your brother where you are up to.....Tell him this causes you grief, that he hurts people when he does this stuff. it probably wont stop him, but brothers can have a powerful impact on each other

Lastly, keep your chin up, thats important. I hope I havent hurt you by talking this plainly
 
parsifal said:
Harrison

I havent read all the posts, so i dont all the ins and outs of whats happened. I apologize for that.

I just wanted to share with you what i have learnt with drug and alchohol abuse. I work in a related field, and i have a close family member who is an alcholic.

I cant from this distance solve this issue, neither can i sugar coat the realities of what usually happens. Substance abuse is tough, its especially tough on famillies. A few things I would say however.

1) this is not your fault, its not the fault of your parents. Its the fault of your brother. he is both the cause and the main victim in this.

2) When an alchoholic or a drug user say they are giving up, they generally arent. If your brother is just acting out of a lack of maturity, he has a good chance of getting out of this. if he has agenuine habit its a long hard road to recovery. Generally the patient has to lose a whole lot before they can pull out of that self destructive vicious circle. The patient has to move to the point where he has nothing left to lose (and that usually means losing a whole lot) before he can begin the long slow process of sobering up and putting his life back together.

3) Years ago i did a course to try and help me through the situation with my relative. It was a course designed to help the family memebers that surround the abuser. Basically the family have to set limits, not try and solve or coach the substance abuser to a better place. It starts with self talk....working out what you are going to do and how you are going to react when he abuses. Work out the issues you are prepred to accept and work with, and those that you arent. Tell your brother what you are going to do, and how you will react if a situation arises......for example...."if I find out you are using, I am going to......."

4) If this is genuine abuse, and not just delinquency then your brother is not well. hes not a bad person. He has a weakness that people have to try to deal with. At the end of the day however, you have to find the ground, or the point that are able to deal and cope, anything beyond that point is not a problem you can or shoul take on or worry about. Your brother has choices, remember that

5) If your brother is just mucking up, still set limits, and know that at some point he will be hitting a wall over this. again, work out what you are prepred to do, and what you arent. Tell your brother where you are up to.....Tell him this causes you grief, that he hurts people when he does this stuff. it probably wont stop him, but brothers can have a powerful impact on each other

Lastly, keep your chin up, thats important. I hope I havent hurt you by talking this plainly
Click to expand...

Thanks so much for this.

My brother had a mental breakdown today and is going to see a.doctor .. he is struggling staying clean(he has been since his return).
 
Ah man...feel for him. Just stick by him mate. Without smothering or overbearing him, just let him you're always there for him, noone can ask for more than that. A brother is often the best friend a man gets in this world.
 
Harrison,
Ironically, this may be a good thing for him. Drug and alcohol abuse is often a symptom of depression/anxiety, so now hopefully he'll get the help he needs.

Hang in there , and make sure you look after yourself and your mother as well.
 
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