Pierre H. Clostermann, Leading French Ace

[lesofprimus]

I still have a problem understanding how a country that had been defeated twice in 2 Wars could have a large percentage of its population start fighting for the invaders....

Would that have happened in Britain or the USA, if things had turned out differently??? British Tommie's wearing the swastika in Piccadilly Circus??? American GI's goose stepping through Washington DC??

I think not...

 

[plan_D]

I am more amazed how wrong he could be on the facts. Saying that; the French and Russian schooling must be full to the brim with propaganda. I bet in France; they won Agincourt!

 

[DerAdlerIstGelandet]

I still have a problem understanding how a country that had been defeated twice in 2 Wars could have a large percentage of its population start fighting for the invaders....

Would that have happened in Britain or the USA, if things had turned out differently??? British Tommie's wearing the swastika in Piccadilly Circus??? American GI's goose stepping through Washington DC??

I think not...

Because they are yellow bellied cowards.

 

[the lancaster kicks ass]

yo, surrender monkey

By the way don't mention WWI , because your contribution next to France and USA is ridiculous , not to mention that this war was started Mainly because of you British scum politicians , Germans were far more motivated to beat you than the French , the French were closer that's all .

that's excrement of the highest order, smelling worse than that cheese you love so much- we were instrumental in winning WWI, let's look at some facts that they wont have told you in any French or Russian textbook-

Was it not France who started WWI by their determination to get Alsase-Lorraine back? by giving the Russians military loans which they used to arm against Germany? By their determination to keep control in Morocco?

It was the Royal Navy blockading the North Sea and access to Germany's coast- not only was it the Royal Navy that kept the Germany Navy contained but it was the Royal Navy that starved Germany into submission, an often overlooked aspect of the war, Germany was short of food by 1916 because of the Royal Navy blocking any supplies heading for Germany- next up your defence against the Schliefen plan, you knew damn well what it was so what do you do, ignore it of course! France knew the strong attack would come in the north, so they sent most of their troops to the south... congratulations... then came the mutiny! ah yes "we've lost too many troops- we're not attacking anymore" thanks guys, as a result it was mostly the Commonwealth troops leading the attacks for the rest of the war, American troops being too few in number, next up, the war in the middle east, did you know there was a war out there too? well we absolutely stormed it, winning control of oil supplies with ease, your throw away comments are making me laugh.........

and come on mods, 8 out of 10... he called me ignorant

 

[DerAdlerIstGelandet]

It does not matter, his ignorant posts are worth the keeping him around for a bit longer, but he wont come back now.

 

[v2]

Collaboration beetwen France and Germany- interesting story:
Occupied France

 

[ndicki]

It does not matter, his ignorant posts are worth the keeping him around for a bit longer, but he wont come back now.

Pity, really. Lanc, I hope you're suitably ashamed of yourself! Talk about hospitality! He was just being amusing.

 

[FLYBOYJ]

Question: Why does the French Navy have plexi-glass on the bottom of all their ships?

Answer: So they could see the rest of their navy!

I'd just thought I'd throw that in...

 

[DerAdlerIstGelandet]

Well since FBJ started the French Jokes I will throw a few in:

"A lot of folks are still demanding more evidence before they actually consider Iraq a threat. For example, France wants more evidence. And you know I'm thinking, the last time France wanted more evidence they rolled right through Paris with the German flag." —David Letterman

"I don't know why people are surprised that France won't help us get Saddam out of Iraq. After all, France wouldn't help us get the Germans out of France." —Jay Leno

"Did you see the new bomb the government came up with? It weights 21,000 pounds. The Air Force tested this bomb in Florida and the bomb blast was so strong at Disneyworld 25 French tourists surrendered." —Jay Leno

"Army personnel in Kuwait unloaded a dozen faulty tanks that only go in reverse. Tanks that only go in reverse — they've been repackaged and sold to France." —Craig Kilborn

"You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he hates America, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. He is French, people." —Conan O'Brien

"President Bush and National Security Guard Tom Ridge launched the new Department of Homeland Security, just 24 hours after taking us down to threat level French — I'm sorry, I mean threat level yellow." —Craig Kilborn

"American tourists in Paris are reported to being yelled at, spit upon, and attacked by the French. Thank God things are getting back to normal." —Jay Leno

"I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me."
--- General George S. Patton

"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion."
--Norman Schwartzkopf

"As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure"
---Jacques Chirac, President of France
"As far as France is concerned, you're right."
---Rush Limbaugh

Next time there's a war in Europe, the loser has to keep France.
--David Letterman

There was a Frenchman, an Englishman and Claudia Schiffer sitting together in a carriage in a train going through Provence. Suddenly the train went through a tunnel and as it was an old style train, there were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark. Then there was a kissing noise and the sound of a really loud slap. When the train came out of the tunnel, Claudia Schiffer and the Englishman were sitting as if nothing had happened and the Frenchman had his hand against his face as if he had been slapped there. The Frenchman was thinking: 'The English fella must have kissed Claudia Schiffer and she missed him and slapped me instead.' Claudia Schiffer was thinking: 'The French fella must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed the Englishman and got slapped for it.' And the Englishman was thinking: 'This is great. The next time the train goes through a tunnel I'll make another kissing noise and slap that French bastard again.

The only navel victory that the French had in it's long history is the blowing-up of the Rainbow Warrior in New Zealand.


Q. What's the difference between Frenchmen and toast?
A. You can make soldiers out of toast.

Q. Why are the French so afraid of war?
A. You would be too if you never won one in your history.

Why does the French Flag have Velcro?
So the blue and red sections are easily removed during a time of war.

What is a citizen of Paris called?
A Parasite

A cursory review of French military history reveals the following:

1 - Gallic Wars - Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2,000
years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian.

2 - Hundred Years War - Mostly lost, saved at last by a female schizophrenic
who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare: "French armies
are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman."

3 - Italian Wars - Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever
lose two wars when fighting Italians.

4 - Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots.

5 - Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant but still
manages to get invaded. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other
participants started ignoring her.

6 - War of Devolution - Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as
chapeaux.

7 - The Dutch War - Tied. Dutch farmers and tulip growers are tougher
than they look.

8 - War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War -
Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Francophiles
the world over to label the period as the height of French military power.

9 - War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. The War also gave the French
their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since.

10 - American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar to
future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw
far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to
the Second Rule of French Warfare; " France only wins when America does most
of the fighting."

11 - French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was
also French.

12 - The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First
Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for the
Russian winter, Prussian grenadiers or a British footwear designer.

13 - The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. For the first, but certainly not the
last time, Germany plays the role of drunk frat boy to France 's ugly girl
home alone on a Saturday night.

14 - World War I - Invaded, humiliated and on the way to losing, France is
saved by the United States. Winds up a tie for les francaise. Thousands of
French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but
one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, the American fascination with
personal hygiene (a fascination totally foreign to French women) incites
widespread use of condoms by American soldiers, thus precluding any
improvement in the French bloodline.

15 - World War II - A decisive defeat even by French standards. Hitler and
the German Youth spend Christmas time sleeping soundly through the winter,
then arouse themselves to conquer France in six weeks. Hitler dances in
front of the Eiffel Tower, while the French command staff retreats to
Algeria to institute a crash language program to teach French privates how
to say "I surrender" in German and French generals to say "We surrender" in
German. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as
they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song and some small portion of the
German work ethic. De Gaulle of it all...

16 - First Vietnamese war (in Vietnamese circles, known as "the scrimmage",
or "the exhibition game" where the varsity squad is kept on the sideline to
see how the second string will play) - Lost. French soldiers, fresh off
their four year occupation by the Germans, catch a terminal case of Dien
Bien Flu.

17 - Algerian rebellion - Lost. First time an Arab army has beaten a
Western army since the Crusades, and produces the first rule of modern
Islamic warfare: "We can always beat the French." A nice phrase, but it
lacks something in originality, since it is also the first rule of warfare
for the Italians, Russians, Prussians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish,
Vietnamese, Native Americans and capitalists.

18 - War on Terrorism - Lost. Incensed at not being included in the
original "Axis of Evil," France refuses to participate. When it becomes
clear that this is a "no-kidding war," Jacques Chirac looks at his cards and
immediately surrenders to that old warhorse, Gerhard Schroeder. For good
measure, he also surrenders to five million illegal immigrants from Algeria.

The moral of the story is - give thanks to God on high that the French are
not helping us!

**You forgot the French intervention in Mexico 1862-1867 (why the Mexicans celebrate Cinco de Mayo - outnumbered and under equipped Mexicans beat the pants off the French).

It was a total debacle for them and worth inclusion in
your list of lost wars.

Why Surgeons Love Operating on Frenchmen

Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on.

The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered,"

The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians.
Everything inside them is color-coded,"

The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order."

The fourth surgeon chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers.
They always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end and when the job takes longer than you said it would."

But the fifth surgeon, Dr. Morris Fishbein, shuts them all up when he observes: "The French are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls and no spine. Plus the head and ass are interchangeable."

Why are French streets tree lined?
So the Germans can march in the shade.

How many Frenchmen does it take to defend Paris?
No one knows. It's never been tried.

FOR SALE: French rifles . . . never fired, only dropped once.

 

[FLYBOYJ]

hehehehehe........

 

[Gnomey]

 

[DerAdlerIstGelandet]

Yeah I thought they were quite funny.

 

[ndicki]

"Company! Company will surrender! Haaaands......UP!"

 

[RATHED]

Hi gents. Just adding somenthing to the discussion. Clostermann speaks good portuguese, having been born in Brazil, and I had the oportunity to see an interview with him some time. Besides talking about his victories, he spoke about beeing downed twice: One time early in the war, by a a me-109 when flying a Spit over the Channel. And latter in the very final days of the war, when his Tempest was damaged by a FW-190D. On this ocassion the german pilot had the opportunity to totally destroy his low flying and smoking plane, probably killing Clostermann, but was corteus enough to just fly in formation with him unti he crash landed on a field. The german them rocked this wings and went home.

Did not had time to read everything, sorry if this information was posted before.
Regards

 

[Erich]

actually according to mr myth maker Pierre, the D-9 from JG 301 shot down 3 Tempests, and with that mr C.'s Tempest was toast. Reality check !! the JG 301 pilot from 6./JG 301 was given credit for only 1 Tempest ......... Herr Rudi Wurff on 21 April 45

 

[bigZ]

what Typhoon group/squadron ?

try RAF Commands 1939 - 1945 and post a question there .......

Belated thanks Erich. Will dig out the squadron info.

 

[lesofprimus]

I dont hold much water with Clostermanns memory or facts...

 

[the lancaster kicks ass]

our cheese eating Russian friend's gone

 

[lesofprimus]

*sniffles*

 

[CharlesBronson]

our cheese eating Russian friend's gone

I wonder why ....you are bad guys.


Pierre Closterman pictured with two argentine pilots, 1986.