the lancaster kicks ass
Major General
- 19,937
- Dec 20, 2003
heard that one before..........
Quokes/Jotes... Continued! 2!
- Thread starter Pisis
- Start date
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Matt308
Glock Perfection
Alright Lanc, D@mnit.
A 90-year old man said to his doctor, "I've never felt better...
I have an
18-year old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you
think of that?"
The doctor replied,
"I have a friend who is a hunter and never
misses a season. One day he was in a hurry and picked up his
umbrella by mistake.
When he got to the creek, he saw a beaver. He raised
his umbrella
and went "bang, bang, bang", and the beaver fell dead.
What do you think of
that?"
The 90-year old said,
"I'd say somebody else shot the beaver."
The doctor said, "My point exactly."
A 90-year old man said to his doctor, "I've never felt better...
I have an
18-year old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you
think of that?"
The doctor replied,
"I have a friend who is a hunter and never
misses a season. One day he was in a hurry and picked up his
umbrella by mistake.
When he got to the creek, he saw a beaver. He raised
his umbrella
and went "bang, bang, bang", and the beaver fell dead.
What do you think of
that?"
The 90-year old said,
"I'd say somebody else shot the beaver."
The doctor said, "My point exactly."
Matt308
Glock Perfection
No? Okay how about something closer to home.
"A man finally makes his fortune and is having his dream house bulit. As he talks to the architect on how he wants the house built he says, 'See that tree there, don't cut it down because under that tree I made love for the first time.'
The architect says he understands the sentimental value of the tree and he will design the house so that the tree isn't harmed.
Then the man says, 'And you see that tree over there, I don't want it cut either, because her mother stood there and watched as we made love.'
The architect could hardly believe his ears,'That's incredible, what did her mother say?'
To which the man replies,'Baaaaaa.''
"A man finally makes his fortune and is having his dream house bulit. As he talks to the architect on how he wants the house built he says, 'See that tree there, don't cut it down because under that tree I made love for the first time.'
The architect says he understands the sentimental value of the tree and he will design the house so that the tree isn't harmed.
Then the man says, 'And you see that tree over there, I don't want it cut either, because her mother stood there and watched as we made love.'
The architect could hardly believe his ears,'That's incredible, what did her mother say?'
To which the man replies,'Baaaaaa.''
the lancaster kicks ass
Major General
- 19,937
- Dec 20, 2003
it's ok matt you've made up for it with those two, loved them both 
Matt308
Glock Perfection
I can rest easy now.
I hope not R.I.P. Matt
During students' exams a teacher is writting topics on the black-board.Some of pupils are noisy.At last they were said to be quiet.The professor is continued his writting.Some minutes later, the students start talking again.The teacher is irritated.With no looking at them and keeping writting he said " I'm still hearing voices " .
Me too ,answered one of the school-boys, but I take a cure.
During students' exams a teacher is writting topics on the black-board.Some of pupils are noisy.At last they were said to be quiet.The professor is continued his writting.Some minutes later, the students start talking again.The teacher is irritated.With no looking at them and keeping writting he said " I'm still hearing voices " .
Me too ,answered one of the school-boys, but I take a cure.
cheddar cheese
Major General
Matt that second joke could just be lanc in 20 years time 
Good ones!
Surely there is no 'could be' about it...
Surely there is no 'could be' about it...
the lancaster kicks ass
Major General
- 19,937
- Dec 20, 2003
20 years, your opinion of me's improving, i wouldn't have thought you'd give me 20 seconds 
Matt308
Glock Perfection
Even if it only takes 20 seconds you still have to practice safe sex.
I recommend painting the legs of the sheep that kick.
I recommend painting the legs of the sheep that kick.
The Pilot's Code
(Holding up your right Hand)
I am a Pilot
I will not drink
But if I do
I will not get drunk
But if I do
I will not get drunk in public
But if I do
I will not stagger
But if I do
I will not fall down
But if I do
I will fall on my face so they cannot see my wings
(Holding up your right Hand)
I am a Pilot
I will not drink
But if I do
I will not get drunk
But if I do
I will not get drunk in public
But if I do
I will not stagger
But if I do
I will not fall down
But if I do
I will fall on my face so they cannot see my wings
Attachments
Matt308
Glock Perfection
That's beautiful.
- Thread starter
- #578
Pisis
2nd Lieutenant
That's a great photo actually! 8)
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