Quokes/Jotes... Continued! 2!

Matt308 · Oct 4, 2006

Lame, but I so despise Hillary Clinton...

Three Arkansas surgeons were playing golf together and discussing surgeries they had performed.

One of them said, "I'm the best surgeon in Arkansas. In my favorite
case, a concert pianist lost seven fingers in an accident, I reattached
them, and 8 months later he performed a private concert for the
Queen of England

The second surgeon said. "That's nothing. A young man lost an arm and
both legs in an accident, I reattached them, and 2 years later he
won a gold medal in track and field events in the Olympics."

The third surgeon said, "You guys are amateurs. Several years ago a
woman was high on cocaine and marijuana and she rode a horse head-on into a train traveling 80 miles an hour. All I had left to work with was the
woman's blonde hair and the horse's ***. I was able to put them together
and now she's a senator from New York.

k9kiwi · Oct 4, 2006

Wurger.

Most Excellent.

Every country has its rabid Greenies, some more so than others.

In New New Zealand we have the, wait for it, highly imaginative, "The Green Party". Their leader Jeanette Fitzsimons is the most rabid you could imagine, living on a very large bush block in the corromandel ranges.

What isn't well known is that her Father, was one of the major owners of ICI Chemicals, thats how come she can afford to live as a super eco warrior, she has the dosh.

---------------

One day Jeanette saw a native Hawk high up a kauri tree in its nest, on top of the big hill on her property. She decided to climb the hill and the tree to commune with nature and the family of birds,

As she got to the top of the tree, the hawk took exception and attacked her, Jeanette lost her grip and slid about 49 feet down the tree, using her thighs to slow down until she finaly grabbed a branch.

In some pain she went to the nearest doctor with splinters all the way up her inner thighs and to her "nether regions".

After the examination the doctor said "I can get them out for you, but just wait a minute, there is something I must check out first"

Two hours later the doctor returned to the by now very angry and sore Jeanette. "where have you been" she demanded".

"I am sorry" responded the Doctor, " I have checked with all of the major political parties, the Prime Minister, The local maori tribe, even with your fellow Greens. And they all agree on one thing."

"I am not allowed to remove native timber from a recreation area."

Matt308 · Oct 5, 2006

Top Secret - Do Not Forward

This was sent to me by an associate in the surveillance field. I am sharing it with friends and family on a need to know basis. I cannot vouch for its validity but, if true, it could very well rock the foundation of this country.

SECURITY PHOTO: CONFIDENTIAL
The photo is a video captured from a security camera located in the North Corridor that leads to the Senate floor in the US Capitol Building.

This is classified material, so do not ask how or where I got it.

Please DO NOT FORWARD this. The repercussions could shake things up more than you can imagine. A highly respected politician's head is on the line here!

But I feel someone should know the truth.

k9kiwi · Oct 5, 2006

And she probably has more tackle than Bill.

Wurger · Oct 6, 2006

Here is a pic of two dolphins.It's true.Psychologists and psychiatrists have proved that people ,who are suffering from stress, are able to find more than two differences in the pictures. If you can find the differences it means that your life is stressful and you need very long long holidays. :lol:

Pisis · Oct 6, 2006

I thought the other one is a sea-cow... :-k

Matt308 · Oct 6, 2006

Bubba died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly.

The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his
two best friends, Darryl and Gomer.

The three men had always done everything together.

Darryl arrived first and when the mortician pulled back the
sheet Darryl said,"Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad. You better

roll him over."

The mortician rolled him over, and Darryl said, "Nope, ain't
Bubba."

The mortician thought this was rather strange. Then he brought

Gomer in to identify the body. Gomer looked at the body and said, "Yup, he's
pretty well burnt up. Roll him over."

Te mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, "no, it ain't
Bubba."

The mortician asked, "How can you tell?"
Gomer said, "Well, Bubba had two @ssholes."

v2 · Oct 7, 2006

Pisis · Oct 7, 2006

LOOOOOOOL

evangilder · Oct 7, 2006

Some won't get that.

Gnomey · Oct 7, 2006

But for those that do: :lol:

!

Wurger · Oct 7, 2006

Matt308 · Oct 7, 2006

>WORDS WOMEN USE

>

>

>FINE
>This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

>

>

>FIVE MINUTES
>If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five
>minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

>

>NOTHING
>This is the calm before the storm. This means "something," and you should be on your toes.
>Arguments that begin with 'Nothing' usually end in "Fine"

>

>

> GO AHEAD
> This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.

>

>

> LOUD SIGH
> This is not actually a word, but is a nonverbal statement often
>misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and
>wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing"

>

>

> THAT'S OKAY
> This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a
>man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before
>deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

>

>

> THANKS
> A woman is thanking you. Do not question it or faint. Just say you're
>welcome.

>

>

> WHATEVER

> It's a woman's way of saying "F^CK YOU!"

loomaluftwaffe · Oct 7, 2006

i have a sister, that is pretty true

loomaluftwaffe · Oct 7, 2006

The hidden lyrics revealed, parts of songs played backwards
Jeffmilner-backmasking

Matt308 · Oct 8, 2006

Never, EVER, tell a woman she can't cook.

Wildcat · Oct 8, 2006

Matt308 · Oct 8, 2006

loomaluftwaffe said:
The hidden lyrics revealed, parts of songs played backwards
Jeffmilner-backmasking

Cool! Some planned others, not. I loved the Pink Floyd. I have never read about that one and The Wall is one of my alltime favorite albums. I would have thought I would have read about that one somewhere.