Matt308
Glock Perfection
Quokes/Jotes... Continued! 2! (1 Viewer)
- Thread starter Pisis
- Start date
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- Thread starter
- #964
Pisis
2nd Lieutenant
LOL
A guy walks into the local welfare office and marches straight up to the counter and says, "Hi… you know... I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job."
The social worker behind the counter says, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful nymphomaniac daughter. You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, but he'll supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll be expected to escort her on her overseas holidays trips. You will have to satisfy her sexual urges. You'll be provided a two-bedroom apartment above the garage. The starting salary is $200,000 a year."
The guy, wide-eyed, says, "You're bull $hittin' me!"
The social worker says, "Yeah, I am...but you started it."
The social worker behind the counter says, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful nymphomaniac daughter. You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, but he'll supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll be expected to escort her on her overseas holidays trips. You will have to satisfy her sexual urges. You'll be provided a two-bedroom apartment above the garage. The starting salary is $200,000 a year."
The guy, wide-eyed, says, "You're bull $hittin' me!"
The social worker says, "Yeah, I am...but you started it."
Matt308
Glock Perfection
I swear I snorted.
the lancaster kicks ass
Major General
- 19,937
- Dec 20, 2003
so true...........- Thread starter
- #968
Pisis
2nd Lieutenant
What do you call...
The aircraft pushed back from the gate, the flight attendant gave the passengers the usual information regarding seat belts etc.
Finally, she said, "Now sit back and enjoy your trip while your captain, Judith Campbell, and crew take you safely to your destination."
Ed, sitting in the eighth row, thought to himself, Did I hear that the Captian is a woman?
When the attendants came with the drink cart he asked, Did you say the Captain is a woman?
"Yes," said the attendant,
"In fact, this entire crew is female."
"My God," said Ed, "I'd better have two scotch and
sodas. I don't know what to think with only women up there in the cockpit."
"That's another thing sir," said the attendant,
"We no longer call it the **** pit."
"It's the Box office."
The aircraft pushed back from the gate, the flight attendant gave the passengers the usual information regarding seat belts etc.
Finally, she said, "Now sit back and enjoy your trip while your captain, Judith Campbell, and crew take you safely to your destination."
Ed, sitting in the eighth row, thought to himself, Did I hear that the Captian is a woman?
When the attendants came with the drink cart he asked, Did you say the Captain is a woman?
"Yes," said the attendant,
"In fact, this entire crew is female."
"My God," said Ed, "I'd better have two scotch and
sodas. I don't know what to think with only women up there in the cockpit."
"That's another thing sir," said the attendant,
"We no longer call it the **** pit."
"It's the Box office."
Matt308
Glock Perfection
Haha
the lancaster kicks ass
Major General
- 19,937
- Dec 20, 2003
i don't get the shoes one........
Matt308
Glock Perfection
What? What didn't you get?
the lancaster kicks ass
Major General
- 19,937
- Dec 20, 2003
ah, i was on the other computer last time with a darker screen, couldn't read the help me, must be computer effects surely?
A distraught Australian woman rushed into the local police station claiming she had been raped.
The Desk Sergeant calmed her down and asked her to provide details.
She told him that it was a man of average height dressed in white and that he was wearing protective pads on his legs and forearms, additionally he had on a helmet and gloves.
"That sounds as if the man was a cricketer," observed the policeman.
"Oh, yes he was," replied the woman, "and what's more he was an Englishman".
"I suppose you guessed that because of his accent ," said the Sergeant.
"No," the woman said,
"it was because he didn't stay in very long."
The Desk Sergeant calmed her down and asked her to provide details.
She told him that it was a man of average height dressed in white and that he was wearing protective pads on his legs and forearms, additionally he had on a helmet and gloves.
"That sounds as if the man was a cricketer," observed the policeman.
"Oh, yes he was," replied the woman, "and what's more he was an Englishman".
"I suppose you guessed that because of his accent ," said the Sergeant.
"No," the woman said,
"it was because he didn't stay in very long."
Matt308
Glock Perfection
Boooo. 
Boooo.?
Why. I slagged the English, and Cricket. The most boring inane game the planet has ever seen, aside from Golf, Gentlemen Only Ladies Forbidden.
Hang on, Then there was American Football. Where else can you sit bored to tears over guys padded up the wazoo, play 1 hour of sport over 4 hours.
AND need three teams to accomplish this feat of NOT sweating?
Oh please, slit my wrists somebody.
Why. I slagged the English, and Cricket. The most boring inane game the planet has ever seen, aside from Golf, Gentlemen Only Ladies Forbidden.
Hang on, Then there was American Football. Where else can you sit bored to tears over guys padded up the wazoo, play 1 hour of sport over 4 hours.
AND need three teams to accomplish this feat of NOT sweating?
Oh please, slit my wrists somebody.
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