elmilitaro
Senior Airman
I bet you if I would have then that back in my young days my dad would have killed me and there wouldn't be any elmilitaro around here.
Quokes/Jotes... Continued! 2!
- Thread starter Pisis
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- #102
Pisis
2nd Lieutenant
Yeah, probably so. 
elmilitaro
Senior Airman
But some people would think of that as a blessing (for me not to be here.)
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- #104
Pisis
2nd Lieutenant
Well me personally I'm quite different from my dad. More relaxed. I'd probably laugh but my dad would probably be angry about me...
elmilitaro
Senior Airman
wait here's another joke.....
A little old lady calls 911. When the operator answers she yells, "Help, send the police to my house right away! There's a damn Democrat on my front porch and he's playing with himself."
"What?" the operator exclaimed. "I said there is a damn Democrat on my front porch playing with himself and he's weird; I don't know him and I'm afraid! Please send the police!" the little old lady repeated.
"Well, now, how do you know he's a Democrat?"
"Because, you damn fool, if it was a Republican, he'd be screwing somebody!"
A little old lady calls 911. When the operator answers she yells, "Help, send the police to my house right away! There's a damn Democrat on my front porch and he's playing with himself."
"What?" the operator exclaimed. "I said there is a damn Democrat on my front porch playing with himself and he's weird; I don't know him and I'm afraid! Please send the police!" the little old lady repeated.
"Well, now, how do you know he's a Democrat?"
"Because, you damn fool, if it was a Republican, he'd be screwing somebody!"
- Thread starter
- #106
Pisis
2nd Lieutenant
That's a crazy ****...
elmilitaro
Senior Airman
Nice.
102first_hussars
Tech Sergeant
This isnt really a joke as is just plain funny,
Me and my buudies were watching the hockey game one night, I decided to ask my friend marc, "So I hear your birthday is coming up pretty soon, what do you want?"
he says "I want something that will go from 0 to 200 in 3 seconds flat"
Anyway I got him something better, Its something that will go from 0-230 in an instant-------------I got him a scale
Me and my buudies were watching the hockey game one night, I decided to ask my friend marc, "So I hear your birthday is coming up pretty soon, what do you want?"
he says "I want something that will go from 0 to 200 in 3 seconds flat"
Anyway I got him something better, Its something that will go from 0-230 in an instant-------------I got him a scale
elmilitaro
Senior Airman
Here's one....
Little Melissa comes home from first grade and tells her father that they
learned about the history of Valentine's Day. "Since Valentine's Day is
for a Christian saint and we're Jewish," she asks, "will God get mad at
me for giving someone a valentine?" Melissa's father thinks a bit, then
says "No, I don't think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a
valentine to?"
"Osama Bin Laden," she says. "Why Osama Bin Laden," her father asks in
shock. "Well," she says, "I thought that if a little American Jewish girl
could have enough love to give Osama a valentine, he might start to think
that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit.
And if other kids saw what I did and sent valentines to Osama, he'd love
everyone a lot. And then he'd start going all over the place to tell
everyone how much he loved them and how he didn't hate anyone anymore."
Her father's heart swells and he looks at his daughter with newfound
pride. "Melissa, that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard." "I
know," Melissa says, "and once that gets him out in the open, the Marines
could blow the crap out of him."
So?
Little Melissa comes home from first grade and tells her father that they
learned about the history of Valentine's Day. "Since Valentine's Day is
for a Christian saint and we're Jewish," she asks, "will God get mad at
me for giving someone a valentine?" Melissa's father thinks a bit, then
says "No, I don't think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a
valentine to?"
"Osama Bin Laden," she says. "Why Osama Bin Laden," her father asks in
shock. "Well," she says, "I thought that if a little American Jewish girl
could have enough love to give Osama a valentine, he might start to think
that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit.
And if other kids saw what I did and sent valentines to Osama, he'd love
everyone a lot. And then he'd start going all over the place to tell
everyone how much he loved them and how he didn't hate anyone anymore."
Her father's heart swells and he looks at his daughter with newfound
pride. "Melissa, that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard." "I
know," Melissa says, "and once that gets him out in the open, the Marines
could blow the crap out of him."
So?
elmilitaro
Senior Airman
Wait, another one....
One day at the end of class little Billy's teacher has the class go home
and think of a story and then conclude the moral of that story.
The following day the teacher asks for the first volunteer
to tell a story. Suzy said, "Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the
truck and drive into town to sell them at the market. Well, one Sunday
we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the
road." The teacher asks for the moral of the story. Suzy replies,
"Don't keep all your eggs in one basket."
Next is little Lucy. "Well, my dad owns a farm too and every weekend we
take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator. Last weekend only
8 of the 12 eggs hatched." The teacher asks for the moral of the story.
Lucy replies "Don't count your chickens before they're hatched."
Last is little Billy. "My uncle Ted fought in the Vietnam war; his plane
was shot down over enemy territory. He jumped out before it crashed with
only a case of beer, a machine gun and a machete. On the way down he
drank the case of beer. Unfortunately, he landed right in the middle of
100 Vietnamese soldiers. He shot 70 with his machine gun but ran out of
bullets, so he pulled out his machete and killed 20 more. The blade on
his machete broke, so he killed the last ten with his bare hands".
The teacher looks in shock at Billy and asks if there is possibly any
moral to his story. Billy replies, "Don't mess with uncle Ted when he's been drinking."
George W. Bush, Clinton, and Gore were all in heaven, and the angel said, "You must cross this river and we will judge how much you have sinned based on how far you sink."
Dubya goes first and gets up to his neck, but makes it across. He looks back and sees Al Gore walking on the water. He appeals to the angel saying, "He's sinned as much as I have, what gives?"
The angel says, "He's standing on Clinton's shoulders"
So?
One day at the end of class little Billy's teacher has the class go home
and think of a story and then conclude the moral of that story.
The following day the teacher asks for the first volunteer
to tell a story. Suzy said, "Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the
truck and drive into town to sell them at the market. Well, one Sunday
we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the
road." The teacher asks for the moral of the story. Suzy replies,
"Don't keep all your eggs in one basket."
Next is little Lucy. "Well, my dad owns a farm too and every weekend we
take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator. Last weekend only
8 of the 12 eggs hatched." The teacher asks for the moral of the story.
Lucy replies "Don't count your chickens before they're hatched."
Last is little Billy. "My uncle Ted fought in the Vietnam war; his plane
was shot down over enemy territory. He jumped out before it crashed with
only a case of beer, a machine gun and a machete. On the way down he
drank the case of beer. Unfortunately, he landed right in the middle of
100 Vietnamese soldiers. He shot 70 with his machine gun but ran out of
bullets, so he pulled out his machete and killed 20 more. The blade on
his machete broke, so he killed the last ten with his bare hands".
The teacher looks in shock at Billy and asks if there is possibly any
moral to his story. Billy replies, "Don't mess with uncle Ted when he's been drinking."
George W. Bush, Clinton, and Gore were all in heaven, and the angel said, "You must cross this river and we will judge how much you have sinned based on how far you sink."
Dubya goes first and gets up to his neck, but makes it across. He looks back and sees Al Gore walking on the water. He appeals to the angel saying, "He's sinned as much as I have, what gives?"
The angel says, "He's standing on Clinton's shoulders"
So?
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- #113
Pisis
2nd Lieutenant
He's probably on Siberia now...
Hi !!!
It's my first time here,be indulgent, please.
Extracts of diary of a young lady on a cruise across the ocean:
Monday: They introduced me to the captain of the ship.
Tuesday: The captain has been very kind to me.
Wednasday: The captain invited me for a walk on the deck.
Thursday: The captain invited me for supper in his cabin.
Friday: The captain threatened he would sink the boat, unless I gave myself to him.
Saturday: Phew! I saved six hundred passengers.
It's my first time here,be indulgent, please.
Extracts of diary of a young lady on a cruise across the ocean:
Monday: They introduced me to the captain of the ship.
Tuesday: The captain has been very kind to me.
Wednasday: The captain invited me for a walk on the deck.
Thursday: The captain invited me for supper in his cabin.
Friday: The captain threatened he would sink the boat, unless I gave myself to him.
Saturday: Phew! I saved six hundred passengers.
The second time 
A higlander was sitting on the edge of a precipice on top of a mountain and kept saying - twenty four, twenty four, twenty four......
A tourist approached him and asked - What are you counting, flock-master? -
Suddenly he tumbled over a stone on a narrow path and fell down into abyss.
Twenty five, twenty five, twenty five ..... continued the highlander.
A higlander was sitting on the edge of a precipice on top of a mountain and kept saying - twenty four, twenty four, twenty four......
A tourist approached him and asked - What are you counting, flock-master? -
Suddenly he tumbled over a stone on a narrow path and fell down into abyss.
Twenty five, twenty five, twenty five ..... continued the highlander.
marconi
Airman 1st Class
The Russian sentense means:
My cat has given birth to four kittens, two yellow colors, one white and one African-American
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