Quokes/Jotes... Continued! 2!

[MichaelHenley]

There was an article in this months national geographica about that, they said that researchers were investigating chernobyl because it was just like a big dirty bomb...
They are also going to make a new cover to replace the "sarcoughaus" that covered reactor 4. it will be the size of a stadium, an will be constucted 800m or so away from the site, then moved into place via rails to cover the structure entirely...

Its horrible that such a clean source of power can go horribly wrong.

(Interesting fact: If the US used non-powered methods of drying their clothes, then they wouldnt need their Nuclear Powerstations! 14% of the countries enregy is produced by nuclear powerstations, and 14% goes into clothesdrying... but thats discounting the fact that it gets mighty cold in some places.)

 

[the lancaster kicks ass]

it's late after work and a woman (well it would be wouldn't it ) comes across a toll gate but looses control and hits one of the toll booths, she gets out a tries to stick the parts of the booth together with a white sticky substance, when a man who sees this comes over and asks what it is she's using...

she replies "Toll-gate booth paste"

 

[cheddar cheese]

Losing control and hitting a toll booth?! Assuming this is on a motorway, you'd have to be a pretty lame driver to lose control whilst going in a pretty much straight line

 

[elmilitaro]

 

[the lancaster kicks ass]

Losing control and hitting a toll booth?! Assuming this is on a motorway, you'd have to be a pretty lame driver to lose control whilst going in a pretty much straight line

hence i said it was a woman driving

 

[marconi]

Checkpoint Charlie

 

[Glider]

Beware the Woman

The CIA had a vacancy for an assassin and looked for suitable applicants. After many weeks and a number of tests there were three candidates left, two men and a woman.
The man in charge told them, theres nothing in it, any one of you could do the job but we can only chose one of you. We are a professional outfit and only take the best so we have come up with one final test.

They take the first man, give him a gun and tell him. this is the final test we only take the best so we want you to go into this room. Your wife is there on a chair and you must shoot her.
'No, no, you cannot ask me to do this.' Sorry' said the man in charge 'we are professional organisation and you must trust us. You have failed the test and can go'.

They take the second man, give him the gun and tell him. 'This is the final test, we are a professional team so we want you to go into this room where your wife is there on a chair, you must shoot her.
He took the gun and went slowly into the room. There was silence and he came out again. 'I'm sorry, I just couldn't do it.'
'Never mind, we are professional organisation and you must trust us. You have failed the test and have to go'

They take the woman to the room, give her the gun and tell her. 'This is the final test we are a professional organisation who only take the best, so we want you to go into this room. Your husband is there on a chair and you must shoot him.
She takes the gun and walks slowly into the room. They hear a shot, quickly followed by five more. Then there are thuds, the sounds of fighting and bodies crashing against the door, cries and screams until finally the woman looking disheveled with cuts and bruises comes out of the room.

'Call yourselves Professionals' she shouted. 'The damned gun was filled with blanks, I had to beat him to death with the chair leg'.

 

[Gnomey]

Heard it before but it is still a good one

 

[the lancaster kicks ass]

it was posted only a few pages back

 

[v2]

A rather confident man walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very
attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his
watch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks, 'Is your date running
late?'
'No', he replies, 'I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and I was just
testing it.' The intrigued woman says, 'A state-of-the-art watch? What's so
special about it?' 'It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me,' he
explains.
'What's it telling you now?'
'Well, it says you're not wearing any panties...'
The woman giggles and replies, 'Well it must be broken then because I am
wearing panties!' The man explains, 'Damn thing must be an hour fast.'

 

[Tiger]

Good one!

 

[pbfoot]

A pilot was having a check ride in an c130 when the check pilot reached up and shut down #2 engine the pilot looked at the ICP reached up and shut down #3 engine looked back at the ICP and said its your turn again

 

[v2]

?

 

[102first_hussars]

This is a letter that my buddy got from his son, I couldnt stop laughing
it goes like this_____


Dear, Dad. It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing.
I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene
with Mom and you.

I've been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I
knew you would not approve of her, because of all her piercings,
tattoos, her tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older
than I am. But it's not only the passion, Dad. She's pregnant.
Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods,
and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of
having many more children. Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that
marijuana doesn't, really hurt anyone.
We'll be growing it for ourselves, and trading it with the other people
in the commune, for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.
In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for
AIDS, so Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!!

Don't worry Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself.
Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit, so you can get to know your
many grandchildren.

Love, your son, John.

P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I just
wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school
report that's on my desk. I love you! Call when it is safe for me to
come home.

 

[Gnomey]

 

[plan_D]

If that's true ... that kid is ****ing awesome. I only hope if I have kids they are like that.

 

[cheddar cheese]

Thats genius...time to use that as a prank on my folks

 

[elmilitaro]

Sweet.

 

[Wildcat]

LMAO! that's great!

 

[Pisis]

What did the dad do?