Quotes and Jokes 1 (20 Viewers)

[GTX]

 

[GTX]

 

[syscom3]

 

[Gnomey]

 

[MiTasol]

 

[Shortround6]

Or a boat

hopefully he can live on the boat better than in a tent by the car.

 

[MiTasol]

 

[Snautzer01]

Of All The Dogs I've Ever Had, He's The Worst One

 

[Snautzer01]

 

[GTX]

 

[GTX]

 

[GTX]

 

[GTX]

 

[GTX]

 

[GTX]

 

[Gnomey]

 

[A4K]

 

[Greg Boeser]

Fr. Murphy was giving a talk about his experiences as a hospital chaplain. To illustrate his work he shared an anecdote about a man's conversion after a near-death experience.

I was called to the intensive care unit. A patient there had asked for me, and was very insistent. He was a wealthy psychiatrist, and an outspoken atheist. A widower, his wife had died of cancer a few years earlier. He had suffered a massive heart attack while giving a lecture at the University.

I arrived to find the patient in a state of agitation. "Father!" He exclaimed. "What must I do to become Catholic?"

I said, "Before we discuss that, tell me, what makes you want to become Catholic?"

"Until today, I didn't believe in God or the Devil, Heaven or Hell. But when I collapsed there on the stage I had an out-of-body experience which has shaken everything I held true. As my body lay there on the stage I found myself floating above the scene, watching as the paramedics tried to revive me. I heard one of them pronounce me dead and I was whisked away to a place of utter darkness. Then I heard a strange, but somewhat familiar voice call my name."

"Come toward the light, and spend all of eternity with me!" With that, a tiny pinprick of light appeared. I moved toward it. The light became larger and brighter. The voice became louder. As I approached I discerned a human figure in the midst of the light. As I got closer the figure became clearer. It was a female figure. She continued to call me. Her voice became louder and more insistent. Suddenly, I recognized her as my deceased wife. I turned and hightailed it back here as fast as I could.

With that he grabbed my arm with an iron grip. Looked me in the eye and said: "Father, I'm not convinced that there is a god or heaven, but I damned sure know there is a Hell!"

 

[MiTasol]

 

[at6]

I was thinking about divorce and then it hit me. Wart remover is faster and cheaper.