Quotes and Jokes (6 Viewers)

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cammerjeff said:
Surprised to see that is in Canada, I would think that was a product of too much beer and a rural area of the USA, but perhaps its just visiting from the south?
Click to expand...
But, that would have meant that border security would have had to have made a conscious decision that "we want that in our country". Really, they should have known better.

Sometimes I'm glad we live in an island nation.
 
In Moscow, a nun was standing on a corner waiting for a bus.
A Russian soldier ran up to her. and out of breath, asked, "Please may I hide under your skirt. I'll explain later."
The nun grudgingly agreed. A moment later, two Russian military police ran up and asked, "Sister, have you seen a soldier running?"
The nun pointed, "He went that way."
After the military police had gone, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said, "I can't thank you enough, Sister. I don't want to go to Ukraine." "I understand completely." she said.
The soldier added, "I hope I am not rude, but you have a great pair of legs!"
The nun replied, "If you had looked higher, you would have seen a great pair of balls. I don't want to go to Ukraine either."
 
A man stuck his head into a barbershop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?"
The barber looked at the shop full of customers and said, "About two hours."
The man left.
A few days later, the same man stuck his head in and asked, "How before I can get a haircut?"
The barber looked around the shop and said, "About three hours."
The guy left.
About a week later, the same man looked in and said, "How long to get a haircut?"
The barber looked at the customers and said, "About an hour and a half."
The man left.
The barber turned to a friend and said, "Hey, Bob, do me a favor. Follow that guy and see where he goes. He asks how long he has to wait, but then he doesn't come back.
A short while later, Bob returns laughing.
"So, where does he go when he leaves?"
"Your house"
 
When I went to the Virginia Department of Motor Vehicles to register my 250 GTE 2+2 in 1968, the clerk asked all the usual questions and finally "How many cylinders does it have?" "Twelve" I replied. She absolutely would not believe that ANY car had more than eight cylinders!
 
Picture is from Ontario; so, I'll take my shoots at my Eastern cousins:

a. Canadian mass market beer (Canadian, Blue) is higher "octane" (aka alcohol content) than the US equivalent (Budweiser, Coors). So, alcohol induced creativity is quite possible up here as well.
b. Ontario has it's back woods which holds their own with anywhere else.
c. Ontario only required emissions testing and those test are based year of manufacture which is based on the VIN behind windshield. And I think even those test where removed at start of Covid. None of the other Cdn provinces even require emissions testing.
d. So long as you have vehicle insured, no asks any questions as to what changes you have done to your vehicle...

Therefore, its a Chev Van as far as anyone is concerned...
 
Ages ago, I was going to do a quick tune-up for a friend's 1936 Cadillac Series 90 Coupe.
Since it was a Sunday, my go-to parts stores were closed, so I stopped by a big-box auto parts place and told the kid I needed plugs for a '36 Cadillac 90 - he furiously banged away on his computer (new for the time) and was not finding it.

Then he resorted to the book rack (which was quickly going by the wayside) and was having no luck.

Finally, he apologized and said he couldn't help me and I smiled and said "then get me sixteen AC Delco type C87 plugs".

He stared at me for a moment and said "sixteen?"

"Yes" I said, "it has a V-16 engine".

His reply was "is there really a vee sixteen, for reals?"

"Yes, for reals..."

He simply couldn't process that an automobile could have a sixteen cylinder engine.
 
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