Quotes and Jokes (5 Viewers)
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Snautzer01
Honourably banned
- 43,397
- Mar 26, 2007
Lucky13
Forum Mascot
These insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words. Insults then, had some class!
1. "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play;
Bring a friend, if you have one."
- George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill.
"Cannot possibly attend first night, I will attend the second...If there is one."
- Winston Churchill, in response.
2. A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows, or of some unspeakable disease."
"That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."
3. "He had delusions of adequacy."
- Walter Kerr
4. "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."
- Clarence Darrow
5. "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."
- William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).
6."Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it."
- Moses Hadas
7. "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."
- Mark Twain
8. "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.."
- Oscar Wilde
9. "I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here."
- Stephen Bishop
10."He is a self-made man and worships his creator."
- John Bright
11. "I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."
- Irvin S. Cobb
12. "He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others."
- Samuel Johnson
13. "He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up."
- Paul Keating
14. "In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily."
- Charles, Count Talleyrand
15. "He loves nature in spite of what it did to him."
- Forrest Tucker
16. "Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?"
- Mark Twain
17. "His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."
- Mae West
18. "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."
- Oscar Wilde
19. "He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... For support rather than illumination."
- Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
20. "He has Van Gogh's ear for music."
- Billy Wilder
21. "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."
- Groucho Marx.
22."He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."
- Winston Churchill
1. "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play;
Bring a friend, if you have one."
- George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill.
"Cannot possibly attend first night, I will attend the second...If there is one."
- Winston Churchill, in response.
2. A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows, or of some unspeakable disease."
"That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."
3. "He had delusions of adequacy."
- Walter Kerr
4. "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."
- Clarence Darrow
5. "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."
- William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).
6."Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it."
- Moses Hadas
7. "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."
- Mark Twain
8. "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.."
- Oscar Wilde
9. "I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here."
- Stephen Bishop
10."He is a self-made man and worships his creator."
- John Bright
11. "I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."
- Irvin S. Cobb
12. "He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others."
- Samuel Johnson
13. "He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up."
- Paul Keating
14. "In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily."
- Charles, Count Talleyrand
15. "He loves nature in spite of what it did to him."
- Forrest Tucker
16. "Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?"
- Mark Twain
17. "His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."
- Mae West
18. "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."
- Oscar Wilde
19. "He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... For support rather than illumination."
- Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
20. "He has Van Gogh's ear for music."
- Billy Wilder
21. "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."
- Groucho Marx.
22."He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."
- Winston Churchill
MIflyer
1st Lieutenant
I recall seeing a portion of a Continental Army officer effectiveness report, or whatever they called it then, dating from the late 1700's. It could well apply today.
"This officer's most outstanding characteristic is his scrupulous honesty. I have counseled him on this character flaw."
"This officer's most outstanding characteristic is his scrupulous honesty. I have counseled him on this character flaw."
Lucky13
Forum Mascot
Lucky13
Forum Mascot
Lucky13
Forum Mascot
syscom3
Pacific Historian
Last edited:
Vic Balshaw
Major General
One way to save money
Ok guys, lets be honest. The post with Greta as a mechanic was not bad. Laugh a lil.while it could be taken as political, I think it was more using her facial expression and a lil light hearted humor.
Now, having said that…
We moderators/admin are prepared to start using the "thread ban" function for repeat offenders of the no political posts rule. This is a light ban, and does not ban the person from the forum. They can post in other threads, just not in this particular thread. Lets not get to that point though.
Remember though, not everything is necessarily political. It may just be light hearted fun. Take this for example. I posted this a long time ago, and another long time valued member here, Charles, who was also a friend on FB with me took offense and said I was making political attacks on Michelle Obama, when in fact I was laughing at the hair. Needless to say he attacked and unfriended me over it, and unfortunately Charles passed away before the riff could be repaired.
So remember, sometimes, things are just posted in fun. Let's not make political things out of nothing, and laugh a lil.
Edit: the post was removed after further discussion.
Now, having said that…
We moderators/admin are prepared to start using the "thread ban" function for repeat offenders of the no political posts rule. This is a light ban, and does not ban the person from the forum. They can post in other threads, just not in this particular thread. Lets not get to that point though.
Remember though, not everything is necessarily political. It may just be light hearted fun. Take this for example. I posted this a long time ago, and another long time valued member here, Charles, who was also a friend on FB with me took offense and said I was making political attacks on Michelle Obama, when in fact I was laughing at the hair. Needless to say he attacked and unfriended me over it, and unfortunately Charles passed away before the riff could be repaired.
So remember, sometimes, things are just posted in fun. Let's not make political things out of nothing, and laugh a lil.
Edit: the post was removed after further discussion.
MIflyer
1st Lieutenant
When your electric power is out for 30 min...
MIflyer
1st Lieutenant
When your electric power is out for 24 hours.......
Elvis
Chief Master Sergeant
When Grandma wants some, she doesn't really care HOW.
