Quotes and Jokes (4 Viewers)
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syscom3
Pacific Historian
An old man calls his son and says,
"Listen, your mother and I are getting divorced. Forty-five years of misery is long enough."
"Dad, what are you talking about?" the son screams.
We can't stand the sight of each other any longer, he says. "I'm sick of her face, and I'm sick of talking about this, so call your sister and tell her," and he hangs up.
Now, the son is worried. He calls his sister.
She says, "Like hell, they're getting divorced!"
She calls their father immediately.
"You're not getting divorced! Don't do another thing. The two of us are flying home tomorrow to talk about this. Until then, don't call a lawyer, and don't file papers. DO YOU HEAR ME?
She hangs up the phone…
The old man turns to his wife and says,
"Okay, they're both coming for Christmas and paying their own airfares.
"Listen, your mother and I are getting divorced. Forty-five years of misery is long enough."
"Dad, what are you talking about?" the son screams.
We can't stand the sight of each other any longer, he says. "I'm sick of her face, and I'm sick of talking about this, so call your sister and tell her," and he hangs up.
Now, the son is worried. He calls his sister.
She says, "Like hell, they're getting divorced!"
She calls their father immediately.
"You're not getting divorced! Don't do another thing. The two of us are flying home tomorrow to talk about this. Until then, don't call a lawyer, and don't file papers. DO YOU HEAR ME?
She hangs up the phone…
The old man turns to his wife and says,
"Okay, they're both coming for Christmas and paying their own airfares.
buffnut453
Captain
An elderly couple are having a quiet drink in their village pub. The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over sixty years ago? We went behind the pub where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."
"Yes", she says, "I remember it well." "OK," he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?" "Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good, idea!"
A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle, thinks to himself, "I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble." So he follows them.
The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence.
The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. The old man moves in as his wife leans against the fence. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.
The policeman is amazed. He never thought old people could behave like this.
After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.
So, as the couple passes by, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?" Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply, "Sixty years ago that fence wasn't electrified."
"Yes", she says, "I remember it well." "OK," he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?" "Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good, idea!"
A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle, thinks to himself, "I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble." So he follows them.
The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence.
The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. The old man moves in as his wife leans against the fence. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.
The policeman is amazed. He never thought old people could behave like this.
After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.
So, as the couple passes by, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?" Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply, "Sixty years ago that fence wasn't electrified."
Lucky13
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SaparotRob
Unter Gemeine Geschwader Murmeltier XIII
With light refreshments to be served following.
Greg Boeser
2nd Lieutenant
Mind the pedestrian!
at6
1st Sergeant
If Sheridan doesn't interrupt the refreshments. We really must invite sister Rose and the Vicar,
Greg Boeser
2nd Lieutenant
Socrates?
