Quotes and Jokes (2 Viewers)

[buffnut453]

Wow... You will not believe what just happened. I go to the gas station to get fuel and noticed two police officers watching some guy who was smoking while pumping gas. I saw him & thought: 1. This guy has no common sense & 2. Is he really that stupid with the police right there, too? Anyways, I went inside to pay. As I was checking out, I heard screaming & looked outside. This idiots arm was on fire! He was swinging his arm & running around going crazy! I ran outside & the officers had put him on the ground & were putting the fire out w/their coffees! YES, THEIR COFFEES! Then, they handcuffed him & threw him in the back of the patrol car. I said to myself, That's what you get, shouldn't have been smoking near the pump while getting gas!! So, being the nosey person that I am, I asked them, "What are you charging him with, being stupid?" One of the officers looked dead at me and said: "FOR WAVING A FIREARM!!!"

Y'know, that really wasn't worth the time I invested to read it right to the end.

I know that's rich coming from me give some of the "jokes" I've shared on this thread!

 

[SaparotRob]

Did they bludgeon him with their doughnuts first?

That would've been misuse of department property.

 

[Elvis]

A few years before she passed, my mother used to get mad at me if I tried to put the shopping cart in the little corral they have in the parking lot. She always wanted me to place it at the front of the parking stall, on the driver's side. Her reasoning was if someone showed up and they had issues with walking, they could limp to the front of their car and use the cart as a walker. As someone in her 90's, she had issues walking herself and found they made great walker's.
Made sense to me and I still do that to this day.

 

[SaparotRob]

A few years before she passed, my mother used to get mad at me if I tried to put the shopping cart in the little corral they have in the parking lot. She always wanted me to place it at the front of the parking stall, on the driver's side. Her reasoning was if someone showed up and they had issues with walking, they could limp to the front of their car and use the cart as a walker. As someone in her 90's, she had issues walking herself and found they made great walker's.
Made sense to me and I still do that to this day.

I find myself a bit conflicted now. I always brought them back to the cart "corral". My mom, while she was still with us, used the carts in the same fashion.

 

[GTX]

Oldies tee shirts - I resent represent most of these.
View attachment 784626 View attachment 784627 View attachment 784630 View attachment 784638 View attachment 784637 View attachment 784636 View attachment 784646 View attachment 784645 View attachment 784644 View attachment 784643 View attachment 784641 View attachment 784642 View attachment 784639 View attachment 784640 View attachment 784633View attachment 784631View attachment 784629View attachment 784628

My wife has a T-shirt with this quote:

 

[GTX]

 

[GTX]

 

[GTX]

 

[GTX]

 

[GTX]

 

[GTX]

 

[GTX]

View attachment 784693

That could make for an interesting diorama build

 

[Frog]

I was walking home last night and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery.
Suddenly, three young women approached me and explained to me that they were afraid to cross the cemetery at night even though it was much faster. I agreed to let them walk with me.
As I went along, I said, "I agree with you, I also used to panic when I was alive "

 

[Gnomey]

 

[Wurger]

 

[Snautzer01]

 

[Snautzer01]

 

[syscom3]

 

[Wurger]

 

[Greg Boeser]

View attachment 784794

I remember. The dentist was from Minnesota.