Lucky13
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An open or closed coffin again I take it?
Quotes and Jokes
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Pisis
2nd Lieutenant
Four guys are standing on a street corner: an American, a Russian, a Chinese, and an Israeli... A news reporter comes up to the group and says to them:
"Excuse me...What's your opinion on the meat shortage?"
The American says: What's a shortage?
The Russian says: What's meat?
The Chinese man says: What's an opinion?
The Israeli says: What's "Excuse me"?...
"Excuse me...What's your opinion on the meat shortage?"
The American says: What's a shortage?
The Russian says: What's meat?
The Chinese man says: What's an opinion?
The Israeli says: What's "Excuse me"?...
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- #343
Heinz
Captain
LMAO!
Aussie1001
Staff Sergeant
Wonder if Flyboyj has got one?
Aussie1001
Staff Sergeant
Nice!..Comiso90...."Recoil!"
wilbur1
Tech Sergeant
Becca
Staff Sergeant
those are GREAT Comiso..THANKS!
wilbur1
Tech Sergeant
Wtf ? what the heck is that supposed to mean?
A4K
Brigadier General
Like the 'smoker' and the 'recoil' Comiso!
A wee joke for ya's:
There's a girl who right from birth is about as ugly as you can get. Throughout her whole young life she tries in vain to get a man interested in her, but to no avail.
After many frustrating years she decides to go to a psychiatrist to see if there's something deeply wrong with her.
The Psyche listens to her tale quietly and patiently, and when she's finished, just says to her "Well, from what I can see, there's nothing psychologically wrong with you, the truth is simply that you are SO ugly,that you will never find a man as long as you live". "...However," she adds "..Have you ever heard of reincarnation? I believe that though you may be miserable in this life, in the next you may be so beautiful that men will be tripping over themselves to get to you".
She goes home and thinks about it, and decides she dosen't want to wait a whole lifetime to get a man - she decides to commit suicide. So she finds the highest bridge in town, the one overlooking the motorway, and throws herself off it.
She passes out during the fall, and lands by chance in a passing truck full of bananas.
When she finally comes to, she feels around her and her, and says "Oh, gentlemen! One at a time, please!"
A wee joke for ya's:
There's a girl who right from birth is about as ugly as you can get. Throughout her whole young life she tries in vain to get a man interested in her, but to no avail.
After many frustrating years she decides to go to a psychiatrist to see if there's something deeply wrong with her.
The Psyche listens to her tale quietly and patiently, and when she's finished, just says to her "Well, from what I can see, there's nothing psychologically wrong with you, the truth is simply that you are SO ugly,that you will never find a man as long as you live". "...However," she adds "..Have you ever heard of reincarnation? I believe that though you may be miserable in this life, in the next you may be so beautiful that men will be tripping over themselves to get to you".
She goes home and thinks about it, and decides she dosen't want to wait a whole lifetime to get a man - she decides to commit suicide. So she finds the highest bridge in town, the one overlooking the motorway, and throws herself off it.
She passes out during the fall, and lands by chance in a passing truck full of bananas.
When she finally comes to, she feels around her and her, and says "Oh, gentlemen! One at a time, please!"
wilbur1
Tech Sergeant
Good one
A4K
Brigadier General
I stole it from the hungarians, I must confess..
A4K
Brigadier General
One of the old man's:
There's a whole bunch of tourists standing on top of the Empire state building admiring the view, and just a little way off a couple of Americans are watching them. One of them pipes up and says to them "Hey, did ya's all know that if you were to jump off here, the wind currents are so strong, that you'd fall about 3 or 4 floors before the sheer wind pressure would pick you up, and bring you right back to the spot you jumped from ?"
Everyone looks at him and says "yeah, right mate! Pull the other one!"
"No? You don't believe me?" he says " well watch this then."
To their horror he gets up on the parapet amd jumps off.
Everyone watches as he plummets about 3 or 4 floors, and then...he starts soaring outwards and upwards until he lands on the exact spot he took off from.
Everyone is just stunned, and, human curiosity being what it is, have to try it for themselves. They all get up, jump off, fall...fall...fall...till they all hit the deck simultaneously 102 stories down.
The other American, who'd remained quiet up to this point, just turns to his mate and says "You know, Superman, sometimes you're a real b*****d!"
There's a whole bunch of tourists standing on top of the Empire state building admiring the view, and just a little way off a couple of Americans are watching them. One of them pipes up and says to them "Hey, did ya's all know that if you were to jump off here, the wind currents are so strong, that you'd fall about 3 or 4 floors before the sheer wind pressure would pick you up, and bring you right back to the spot you jumped from ?"
Everyone looks at him and says "yeah, right mate! Pull the other one!"
"No? You don't believe me?" he says " well watch this then."
To their horror he gets up on the parapet amd jumps off.
Everyone watches as he plummets about 3 or 4 floors, and then...he starts soaring outwards and upwards until he lands on the exact spot he took off from.
Everyone is just stunned, and, human curiosity being what it is, have to try it for themselves. They all get up, jump off, fall...fall...fall...till they all hit the deck simultaneously 102 stories down.
The other American, who'd remained quiet up to this point, just turns to his mate and says "You know, Superman, sometimes you're a real b*****d!"
Konigstiger205
Staff Sergeant
Great one A4K
wilbur1
Tech Sergeant
That was fuc**n funny as hell good job a4k.
