Quotes and Jokes (5 Viewers)

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A new guy in town walks into a bar and reads a sign that hangs over the bar... FREE BEER! FREE BEER FOR THE PERSON WHO CAN PASS THE TEST! So the guy asks the bartender what the test is.

Bartender replies "Well, first you have to drink that whole gallon of pepper tequila, the WHOLE thing at once and you can't make a face while doing it. Second, there's a 'gator out back with a sore tooth...you have to remove it with your bare hands. Third, there's a woman up-stairs who's never had an orgasm. You gotta make things right for her." The guy says, "Well, as much as I would love free beer, I won't do it. You have to be nuts to drink a gallon of pepper tequila and then get crazier from there.

Well, as time goes on and the man drinks a few, he asks, "Wherez zat teeqeelah?"

He grabs the gallon of tequila with both hands, and downs it with a big slurp and tears streaming down his face. Next, he staggers out back and soon all the people inside hear the most frightening roaring and thumping, then silence. The man staggers back into the bar, his shirt ripped and big scratches all over his body.

"Now" he says "Where's that woman with the sore tooth?"
 
An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried.

The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way."

A few minutes later, the officer radios in: "Disregard," he says. "She got in the back seat by mistake."
 
Magnu, don't know. It's the "Industrial Garden Center" of Lincolnshire and they even have a coat of arms. Ill-noise on the other hand is $19 billion in debt, has almost doubled the state income tax, and has a gov that wants to borrow $11 billion more to balance the state budget and has not funded education in two years
 

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Sorry if you got the wrong end of the stick Mike I was referring to a certain word that can be taken from the middle of the place name, following on from RAs comment about your states name
 
Magnu, I actually did get it. Just looked it up and thought them calling themselves Industrial and Garden in the same phrase was also pretty funny AND a coat of arms to boot
 

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