Quotes and Jokes (3 Viewers)

[Aaron Brooks Wolters]

This was sent to me today. Might be a little old but it SURE hits home.Old Sea Story Parable







There's an old sea story about

a ship's Captain who inspected his sailors,

and afterward told the first mate

that his men smelled bad.





The Captain suggested perhaps it would

help if the sailors would change

underwear occasionally.



The first mate responded,

"Aye, aye sir, I'll see to it immediately!"



The first mate went straight

to the sailors berth deck and announced,

"The Captain thinks you

guys smell bad and wants you to change

your underwear."

He continued, " Leo you change with

Jerry. Tony you change with

Bert and Bob you change with Ed."







THE MORAL OF THE STORY:



Someone may come along and

promise "Change," but don't

count on things smelling

any better.

 

[Aaron Brooks Wolters]

And another one.
Biology exam....
Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam.






The last question was, "Name seven advantages of Mother's Milk," worth 70 points or
none at all.





One student, in particular, was hard put to think of seven advantages.





He wrote:





1.) It is perfect formula for the child.





2.) It provides immunity against several diseases.





3. ) It is always the right temperature.





4.) It is inexpensive.





5.) It bonds the child to mother, and vice versa.





6.) It is always available as needed.






And then, the student was stuck.





Finally, in desperation, just before the bell indicating the end of the test rang,
he wrote...





7.) It comes in cute containers.





He got an A

 

[RabidAlien]

I happen to think #7 is the most important of all of those, ABW!

 

[Aaron Brooks Wolters]

MEEEEEEEEE toooooo!!!!!

 

[P40NUT]

Me Too!

 

[Gnomey]

Indeed

Here is one I heard on TV the other day.

"A criminal will always return to the scene of the crime, guess that's why there is so many Aussie's in the UK"

 

[mikewint]

ABW - boy that is for sure: Just because things change doesn't mean that they are any different

 

[Wayne Little]

aw thanks hugh...

 

[Glider]

My wife teaches 9 - 10 year olds and was marking some of their work this morning when she collapsed in laughter. The children had been asked to write about royalty and how they lived. One wrote that the Queen sat on a gold diamond encrusted Throng instead of Throne.

 

[RabidAlien]

Ouch. That's gotta chafe!

 

[mikewint]

In ALL the wrong places!

 

[magnu]

When I was serving my apprenticeship as a tattoo artist, Henry my teacher and I were both working on clients when a young lad came in and made enquiries about getting a tattoo. In the UK you have to be 18 to get one and as he looked younger he was asked if he had any ID.
"Um no I haven't" He said looking sheepish
"Nevermind we can soon find out if you are 18" I said.
"Wow really how can you do that?"
"we cut your dick in half and count the rings"

He made the fastest exit you've ever seen
All of us had to take a break as we were all laughing so much it was useless trying to continue

 

[Aaron Brooks Wolters]

 

[Gnomey]

Good one magnu

 

[RabidAlien]

I'm laughing and cringing at the same time! As soon as one stops, I'll clean the tea off my screen.

 

[wheelsup_cavu]

Blondes explain Easter

Three blondes died and found themselves standing before St. Peter. He told them that before they
could enter the Kingdom, they had to tell him what Easter represented.

The first blonde, an American, said "Easter is a holiday where they have a big feast and we give
thanks and eat turkey."

St. Peter said, "Noooooo," and wouldn't let her in.

The second blonde, a Brit, said "Easter is when we celebrate Jesus's birth and exchange gifts."

St. Peter said, "Noooooo," and he wouldn't let her in either.

The third blonde, a Canadian, said she knew what Easter was, and St.Peter said, "So, tell me."

She said, "Easter is a Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish festival of Passover. Jesus
was having Passover feast with his disciples when he was betrayed by Judas, and the Romans
arrested him. The Romans hung him on the cross and eventually he died. Then they buried him
in a tomb behind a very large boulder ... "

St. Peter said, "Verrrrrry good."

Then the blonde continued, "Now, every year the Jews roll away the boulder and Jesus comes out.
If he sees his shadow, we have six more weeks of hockey."

St. Peter fainted.

--------------------------------


Wheels

 

[mikewint]

So that's where than legend originated... Who knew

 

[Aaron Brooks Wolters]

 

[RabidAlien]

Its probably sacrilegious of me to laugh, but.....ROTFLMBO!!!

 

[Wayne Little]