Quotes and Jokes (2 Viewers)

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"The number of ships grows: the endless stream of Vikings never ceases to increase. Everywhere the Christians are the victims of massacres, burnings, plunderings. The Vikings conquer all in their path and nothing resists them"
-Ermantarius of Noirmoutier, c. 860


Oh come on, we weren't that bad, really.....
 
A doctor is sitting in his office at the end of another busy day and he is struggling with a great degree of guilt because for the first time in over 25 years of his practice he had sex with one of his patients. He has just about convinces himself to go to the authorities to unburden his soul when a little red devil pops up on his shoulder.

The devil leans in close and whispers into the doctor's ear. ' Hey doc, why so glum? You have done nothing wrong. The patient didn't complain, you had a great time, thousands of doctors have done it in the past and thousands more will do it in the future. Relax, its all good", and with a little poof, the devil is gone.

The doctor begins to ponder what he has just heard and slowly he comes to believe that what the devil had said is the truth and that he has nothing to fear nor be upset about and with that he gets up to leave the office.

As he is locking the office door a little angel pops up onto the other shoulder, leans in close and whispers into the ear of the doctor.......






" Hey Doc, you're a veterinarian "




Have a great day everybody


Jeff
 
A number of years ago we had a male cat that was raped by next doors very large rabbit. I have to admit with the noise he was making, we left him to fend for himself and were curled up on the grass crying with laughter.
 
Got this in a E-mail today. Entitled Where Are My Glasses
Yesterday my daughter e-mailed me again asking why I didn't do something useful with my time.

Like sitting around the pool and drinking wine is not a good thing , I said.

Talking about my "doing something useful" seems to be her favourite topic of conversation.

She was "only thinking of me" she said, and suggested I go down to the senior center and hang out with the girls.

I did this and when I got home last night I decided to teach her a lesson about staying out of my business.

I e-mailed her and told her that I had joined a parachute club.

She replied, "Are you nuts? You are 73 years old, and now you're going to start jumping out of airplanes?"

I told her that I even got a membership card and e-mailed a copy to her.



She immediately telephoned me, "Good grief, where are your glasses! This is a membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club."

"Oh man, I'm in trouble again; I really don't know what to do... I signed up for five jumps a week."

The line went quiet and her friend picked up the phone and said that my daughter had fainted.

Life as a senior citizen is not getting any easier but sometimes it can be fun.
 

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