at6
1st Sergeant
If one of them had a butterfly tattoo on the boob back then, by now with gravity it has become a cocoon.
Quotes and Jokes (7 Viewers)
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GrauGeist
Generalfeldmarschall zur Luftschiff Abteilung
Remember, in a socialist state, no one is allowed to have more than the other.
And in the gruppenfuhrer's case, she is really on the short end of the endowment! (no wonder she looks irritated)
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- #7,463
A man returns home a day early from a business trip. It's after midnight.
While en route home, he asks the cabbie if he would be a witness.
The man suspects his wife is having an affair, and he wants to catch her in the act.
For 100$, the cabby agrees.
Quietly arriving home, the husband and cabbie tip toe into the bedroom.
The husband switches on the lights, yanks the blanket back and there is his wife in bed with another man!
The husband puts a gun to the naked man's head.
The wife shouts, 'Don't do it! I lied when I told you I inherited money'
HE paid for the Porsche I gave you.
HE paid for our new cabin cruiser.
HE paid for your Shark Tank season tickets.
HE paid for our house in the Berg.
HE paid for your African tour and 4 x 4.
HE paid for our country club membership, and HE even pays the monthly dues!
Shaking his head from side-to-side, the husband lowers the gun.
He looks over at the cabbie and says, 'What would you do?
The cabbie replies, 'I'd cover him with that blanket before he catches a cold.
While en route home, he asks the cabbie if he would be a witness.
The man suspects his wife is having an affair, and he wants to catch her in the act.
For 100$, the cabby agrees.
Quietly arriving home, the husband and cabbie tip toe into the bedroom.
The husband switches on the lights, yanks the blanket back and there is his wife in bed with another man!
The husband puts a gun to the naked man's head.
The wife shouts, 'Don't do it! I lied when I told you I inherited money'
HE paid for the Porsche I gave you.
HE paid for our new cabin cruiser.
HE paid for your Shark Tank season tickets.
HE paid for our house in the Berg.
HE paid for your African tour and 4 x 4.
HE paid for our country club membership, and HE even pays the monthly dues!
Shaking his head from side-to-side, the husband lowers the gun.
He looks over at the cabbie and says, 'What would you do?
The cabbie replies, 'I'd cover him with that blanket before he catches a cold.
So two Irishmen are traveling to Australia. Before they leave home, one of their dads gives them both a bit of advice: "You watch them Aussie cab drivers. They'll rob you blind. Don't you go paying them what they ask. You haggle." At the Sydney airport, the Irishmen catch a cab to their hotel. When they reach their destination, the cabbie says, "That'll be twenty dollars, lads." "Oh no you don't! My dad warned me about you. You'll only be getting fifteen dollars from me," says one of the men. "And you'll only be getting fifteen from me too," adds the other.
Crimea_River
Marshal
ADVICE FROM A RETIRED HUSBAND
It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some are oversensitive, and there's nothing worse than an oversensitive woman. My name is Joe.
Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife, Rose.
When I retired a few years ago, it became necessary for Rose to get a full-time job, along with her part-time job, both for extra income and for the health benefits that we needed. Shortly after she started working, I noticed she was beginning to show her age. I usually get home from the golf club about the same time she gets home from work Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner. I don't yell at her. Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she gets dinner on the table.
I generally have lunch in the Men's Grill at the club, so eating out is not an option in the evening. I'm ready for some home-cooked grub when I hit that door. She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating. But now it's not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after dinner. I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening that they won't clean themselves. I know she really appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done before she goes to bed.
Another symptom of aging is complaining, I think. For example, she will say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour. But, boys, we take 'em for better or worse, so I just smile and offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over two, or even three days. That way, she won't have to rush so much. I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn't hurt her any (if you know what I mean). I like to think tact is one of my strong points.
When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods. She had to take a break when she was only half-finished mowing the lawn. I try not to make a scene. I'm a fair man. I tell her to fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed orange juice and just sit for a while. And, as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me, too. I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Rose.
I'm not saying that showing this much patience consideration is easy. Many men will find it difficult. Some will find it impossible! Nobody knows better than I do how frustrating women get as they get older. However, Guys, even if you just use a little more tact and less criticism of your aging wife because of this article, I will consider that writing it was well worthwhile. After all, we are put on this earth to help each other.
EDITOR'S NOTE: Joe died suddenly on January 31 of a perforated rectum. The police report says he was found with a Calloway extra-long 50-inch Big Bertha Driver II golf club jammed up his ass with barely 5 inches of grip showing, and a sledge hammer laying nearby. His wife Rose was arrested and charged with murder. The all-woman jury took only 10 minutes to find her Not Guilty, accepting her defense that Ron, somehow without looking, accidentally sat down on his golf club.
It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some are oversensitive, and there's nothing worse than an oversensitive woman. My name is Joe.
Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife, Rose.
When I retired a few years ago, it became necessary for Rose to get a full-time job, along with her part-time job, both for extra income and for the health benefits that we needed. Shortly after she started working, I noticed she was beginning to show her age. I usually get home from the golf club about the same time she gets home from work Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner. I don't yell at her. Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she gets dinner on the table.
I generally have lunch in the Men's Grill at the club, so eating out is not an option in the evening. I'm ready for some home-cooked grub when I hit that door. She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating. But now it's not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after dinner. I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening that they won't clean themselves. I know she really appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done before she goes to bed.
Another symptom of aging is complaining, I think. For example, she will say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour. But, boys, we take 'em for better or worse, so I just smile and offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over two, or even three days. That way, she won't have to rush so much. I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn't hurt her any (if you know what I mean). I like to think tact is one of my strong points.
When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods. She had to take a break when she was only half-finished mowing the lawn. I try not to make a scene. I'm a fair man. I tell her to fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed orange juice and just sit for a while. And, as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me, too. I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Rose.
I'm not saying that showing this much patience consideration is easy. Many men will find it difficult. Some will find it impossible! Nobody knows better than I do how frustrating women get as they get older. However, Guys, even if you just use a little more tact and less criticism of your aging wife because of this article, I will consider that writing it was well worthwhile. After all, we are put on this earth to help each other.
EDITOR'S NOTE: Joe died suddenly on January 31 of a perforated rectum. The police report says he was found with a Calloway extra-long 50-inch Big Bertha Driver II golf club jammed up his ass with barely 5 inches of grip showing, and a sledge hammer laying nearby. His wife Rose was arrested and charged with murder. The all-woman jury took only 10 minutes to find her Not Guilty, accepting her defense that Ron, somehow without looking, accidentally sat down on his golf club.
Last edited:
at6
1st Sergeant
vikingBerserker
Lieutenant General
LMAO!
michaelmaltby
Colonel
Someone said, woman needs 4 animals :
Jaguar in garage,
Saber in coat-closet,
Tiger in bed,
And ass to pay for them all.
Jaguar in garage,
Saber in coat-closet,
Tiger in bed,
And ass to pay for them all.
Crimea_River
Marshal
- Thread starter
- #7,476
I was hanging out alone at Bar on a Friday night. At around 2am, I decided to leave for home.
No Taxis were on route at that time of the morning so I decided to ask for a ride from any car that came by. It started to rain
and then a car stopped next to me, I quickly got into the
passenger side and closed the door. The car started moving and just when I was about to thank the driver, I discovered there was none!
I started to freak out, but I was afraid to jump out of a moving
vehicle. When the vehicle got to a bend, a hand came in through
the driver's window and turned the steering wheel! This happened
twice, but on the 3rd time I became totally freaked out and decided to
jump out of the vehicle, landing in a ditch full of rain water.
I got up and ran into a nearby bar, i had never been scared in my
whole life like that day. After downing four beers, 3 guys came
into the same bar, soaking wet. Then one of them recognized me
and started laughing uncontrollably while pointing at me. When he was
laughing he said loudly,
" ...ISN'T THIS THE GUY WHO
JUMPED OUT OF THE CAR THAT
WE WERE PUSHING ?
No Taxis were on route at that time of the morning so I decided to ask for a ride from any car that came by. It started to rain
and then a car stopped next to me, I quickly got into the
passenger side and closed the door. The car started moving and just when I was about to thank the driver, I discovered there was none!
I started to freak out, but I was afraid to jump out of a moving
vehicle. When the vehicle got to a bend, a hand came in through
the driver's window and turned the steering wheel! This happened
twice, but on the 3rd time I became totally freaked out and decided to
jump out of the vehicle, landing in a ditch full of rain water.
I got up and ran into a nearby bar, i had never been scared in my
whole life like that day. After downing four beers, 3 guys came
into the same bar, soaking wet. Then one of them recognized me
and started laughing uncontrollably while pointing at me. When he was
laughing he said loudly,
" ...ISN'T THIS THE GUY WHO
JUMPED OUT OF THE CAR THAT
WE WERE PUSHING ?
Aaron Brooks Wolters
Brigadier General
He was drunker than he thought he was.
