Quotes and Jokes (1 Viewer)
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Whoever said technology would replace all paper obviously hasn't tried wiping their but with an IPad.
Aaron Brooks Wolters
Brigadier General
Good point Wayne.
Fair point.
Lucky13
Forum Mascot
....and you know this, because?
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michaelmaltby
Colonel
"......and you know this, because?"
A friend of mine's mother who grew up in WW2 Prague described how the paper streetcar transfers were used: "fold them in half and tear a little semi circle in the folded edge and keep. one side transfer UP, one side DOWN, and the reserved circle to clean your finger nail."
A friend of mine's mother who grew up in WW2 Prague described how the paper streetcar transfers were used: "fold them in half and tear a little semi circle in the folded edge and keep. one side transfer UP, one side DOWN, and the reserved circle to clean your finger nail."
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One Man's Perfect Day
6:00 Alarm
6:30 Massive, satisfying dump while reading the sports section
7:00 Breakfast - steak and eggs, coffee and toast - all cooked by naked, buxom wench who bends over a lot.
7:30 Limo arrives
7:45 Couple of ice-cold beers en route to the airport
9:15 Flight in personal Lear jet - finest Scotch served in Baccarat crystal sniffer from green-eyed redhead with huge tits
9:30 Limo to Augusta National Golf Club
9:45 Play front nine (2 under par)
11:45 Lunch -steak and lobster, couple of ice-cold beers and bottle of Dom Peringon
12:20 Breaking News: Jesse Jackson discovered to be on Malaysia flight 370
12:30 Play back nine (4 under)
2:15 Limo back to airport (several bourbons)
2:30 Fly to Bahamas
2:40 News Flash: Nancy Pelosi's plane shot down over Syria, apprehended by Isis
3:30 Late afternoon fishing expedition with all-female crew, all nude who also bend over a lot
4:30 Land world record Marlin (1234lbs)-on light tackle
5:00 Fly home, massage by naked Elle Macpherson
6:45 ****, shower and shave
6:55 News Flash: Harry Reid Announced as America's 3rd Ebola victim
7:00 Watch news - Al Sharpton assassinated
7:30 Dinner - lobster appetizers, Dom Peringon (1953), big juicy fillet steak followed by ice cream served on a big pair of tits
9:40 News Flash: Eric Holder and entourage missing after speaking engagement in Jackson, Mississippi
11:00 Massage and Jacuzzi with tasty pizza snacks and a cleansing ice-cold beer
11:30 Night-cap -
11:35 Obama resigns
11:45 In bed alone
11:50 A 22-second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to leave the room
11:51 Laugh yourself to sleep...can't wait for tomorrow.
6:00 Alarm
6:30 Massive, satisfying dump while reading the sports section
7:00 Breakfast - steak and eggs, coffee and toast - all cooked by naked, buxom wench who bends over a lot.
7:30 Limo arrives
7:45 Couple of ice-cold beers en route to the airport
9:15 Flight in personal Lear jet - finest Scotch served in Baccarat crystal sniffer from green-eyed redhead with huge tits
9:30 Limo to Augusta National Golf Club
9:45 Play front nine (2 under par)
11:45 Lunch -steak and lobster, couple of ice-cold beers and bottle of Dom Peringon
12:20 Breaking News: Jesse Jackson discovered to be on Malaysia flight 370
12:30 Play back nine (4 under)
2:15 Limo back to airport (several bourbons)
2:30 Fly to Bahamas
2:40 News Flash: Nancy Pelosi's plane shot down over Syria, apprehended by Isis
3:30 Late afternoon fishing expedition with all-female crew, all nude who also bend over a lot
4:30 Land world record Marlin (1234lbs)-on light tackle
5:00 Fly home, massage by naked Elle Macpherson
6:45 ****, shower and shave
6:55 News Flash: Harry Reid Announced as America's 3rd Ebola victim
7:00 Watch news - Al Sharpton assassinated
7:30 Dinner - lobster appetizers, Dom Peringon (1953), big juicy fillet steak followed by ice cream served on a big pair of tits
9:40 News Flash: Eric Holder and entourage missing after speaking engagement in Jackson, Mississippi
11:00 Massage and Jacuzzi with tasty pizza snacks and a cleansing ice-cold beer
11:30 Night-cap -
11:35 Obama resigns
11:45 In bed alone
11:50 A 22-second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to leave the room
11:51 Laugh yourself to sleep...can't wait for tomorrow.
michaelmaltby
Colonel
michaelmaltby
Colonel
16 Blondes are standing outside the bar. Why didn't they go in?
The sign said 18+
The sign said 18+
What's the difference between a UFO and a smart blonde?
There's been sightings of a UFO....
There's been sightings of a UFO....
michaelmaltby
Colonel
Irish Diabetic
One day an Irishman goes into a pharmacy - reaches into his pocket and takes out a small Irish whiskey bottle and a teaspoon.
He pours from the bottle onto the teaspoon and offers it to the chemist "Could you taste this for me, please?"
The chemist takes the teaspoon, puts it in his mouth, swills the liquid around and swallows it.
"Does that taste sweet to you?" asks Paddy.
"No, not at all," says the chemist.
"Oh that's a relief!" says Paddy. "The doctor wanted my urine tested for sugar."
One day an Irishman goes into a pharmacy - reaches into his pocket and takes out a small Irish whiskey bottle and a teaspoon.
He pours from the bottle onto the teaspoon and offers it to the chemist "Could you taste this for me, please?"
The chemist takes the teaspoon, puts it in his mouth, swills the liquid around and swallows it.
"Does that taste sweet to you?" asks Paddy.
"No, not at all," says the chemist.
"Oh that's a relief!" says Paddy. "The doctor wanted my urine tested for sugar."
