Tell me about it...
Quotes and Jokes (2 Viewers)
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Robert Porter
Senior Master Sergeant
Just read a web page, Earhart, Elvis, and Hitler are all living together in a group in Argentina so we can all put paid to the other theory's now. Oh, and somehow or other space monkeys are involved. Hey its on the web, it must be true!
Robert Porter
Senior Master Sergeant
So Tom and Dave, childhood friends, met at the cafe in town one morning. Tom was the local game warden and Dave was a legendary local fishermen, always caught the most but was very secretive of his special fishing holes. Tom had been badgering Dave for years to take him with him just once so he could see where he got all his fish. He of course promised on their friendship to never divulge the location to anyone else.
Finally he wore Dave down and Dave agreed to take him the next morning. Dave told Tom he left the dock at 4AM sharpe and would not wait if Tom was not there on time. Tom stated he would be sure to be there early.
The next morning arrived, and sure enough Tom arrived as Dave was loading his boat. Tom climbed in and they motored into a small cove not to far from where they had left. Tom looked around and said he had fished here many times and never came back with the numbers that Dave did, how did Dave catch so many?
Dave reached under his seat, retrieved a small stick of dynamite, lit the fuse and tossed it into the water, BOOM! Stunned fish began to float to the surface all around the boat. Tom was horrified! He said to Dave, Dave we have been friends all our lives! But I am the game warden, how can you put me into this position!
Dave reached again under his seat pulled another stick of dynamite, lit it and passed it to Tom with the comment, you gonna keep talking or go fishing?
Finally he wore Dave down and Dave agreed to take him the next morning. Dave told Tom he left the dock at 4AM sharpe and would not wait if Tom was not there on time. Tom stated he would be sure to be there early.
The next morning arrived, and sure enough Tom arrived as Dave was loading his boat. Tom climbed in and they motored into a small cove not to far from where they had left. Tom looked around and said he had fished here many times and never came back with the numbers that Dave did, how did Dave catch so many?
Dave reached under his seat, retrieved a small stick of dynamite, lit the fuse and tossed it into the water, BOOM! Stunned fish began to float to the surface all around the boat. Tom was horrified! He said to Dave, Dave we have been friends all our lives! But I am the game warden, how can you put me into this position!
Dave reached again under his seat pulled another stick of dynamite, lit it and passed it to Tom with the comment, you gonna keep talking or go fishing?
Old Wizard
2nd Lieutenant
at6
1st Sergeant
Since I've been told from a young age to bless my enemies. I recite this for them. "May each bowel movement be as the passing of a barrel cactus through the anus and may each urination be as the sting of a thousand scorpions in the urethra."
I have seen this in another version but this sounded pretty good 
A little girl leaned into the lion's cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the collar of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents
The biker jumps off his Harley, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch. Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings the girl to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly. A reporter has watched the whole event.
The reporter addressing the Harley rider says, 'Sir, this was the most gallant and bravest thing I've seen a man do in my whole life. The Harley rider replies, 'Why, it was nothing, really. The lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger, and acted as I felt right.'
The reporter says, 'Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a journalist, you know, and tomorrow's paper will have this story on the front page. So, what do you do for a living, and what political affiliation do you have?'
The biker replies "I'm a U.S. Marine, a Republican and I voted for Trump".
The journalist leaves. The following morning the biker buys the paper to see if it indeed brings news of his actions, and reads, on the front page:
** U.S. MARINE ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT & STEALS HIS LUNCH. **
A little girl leaned into the lion's cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the collar of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents
The biker jumps off his Harley, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch. Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings the girl to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly. A reporter has watched the whole event.
The reporter addressing the Harley rider says, 'Sir, this was the most gallant and bravest thing I've seen a man do in my whole life. The Harley rider replies, 'Why, it was nothing, really. The lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger, and acted as I felt right.'
The reporter says, 'Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a journalist, you know, and tomorrow's paper will have this story on the front page. So, what do you do for a living, and what political affiliation do you have?'
The biker replies "I'm a U.S. Marine, a Republican and I voted for Trump".
The journalist leaves. The following morning the biker buys the paper to see if it indeed brings news of his actions, and reads, on the front page:
** U.S. MARINE ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT & STEALS HIS LUNCH. **
Lucky13
Forum Mascot
....McPanzer?
Old Wizard
2nd Lieutenant
Robert Porter
Senior Master Sergeant
Old Wizard
2nd Lieutenant
Glad that's been cleared up!
Robert Porter
Senior Master Sergeant
Just doing my PSA for the month! 
Crimea_River
Marshal
I'm still alive so that means I have no guts and no balls.
at6
1st Sergeant
Speak for yourself. I learned how to out run her.
Crimea_River
Marshal
I can't outrun bullets.
