Quotes and Jokes (1 Viewer)

[Crimea_River]

Walk With Me While I Age

I hope this poem has the same effect on you as it did on me; then my posting it will be worth the effort. Walk with me while I age - worth the read.

A BEAUTIFUL POEM ABOUT GROWING OLDER:












SHIT.....

I forgot the words.

 

[Gnomey]

 

[Wurger]

 

[javlin]

An Arizona Highway Patrol officer stops a Harley for traveling faster than the posted speed limit, so he asks the biker his name.

'Fred,' he replies.

'Fred what?' the officer asks.

'Just Fred,' the man responds.

The officer is in a good mood, thinks he might just give the biker a break, and write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then presses him for the last name.

The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it.

The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it. 'Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?'

The biker replies, 'It's a long story, so stay with me.' I was born Fred Johnson. I studied hard and got good grades. When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Johnson, MD. After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school. Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through School, got my degree, so then I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS. Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD, so now I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS, with VD.

Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS. Then I was Fred Johnson, MD, with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Johnson with VD. Then the VD took away my Johnson, so now I am Just Fred.'

The officer walked away in tears, laughing.

 

[Gnomey]

 

[Lucky13]

 

[michaelmaltby]

The "Two Ronnie" was/is a vastly under-rated British comedy, IMHO.
When I last visited Estonia it was still encircled by Stalin's Wall ... Andropov was a zealot after the Decrepits ... ex-KGB man ... and the social drill had tightened and toughened up ... no overnight visits away from your Touriste Hotel ... no private car trips into the hinterland ... everything by the book.
It was around June 25 .. so barely 3 hours of darkness. Tiina and I had spent the evening with her cousin, husband and two other couples ... the guys gravitated upstairs where I was introduced to boot-leg 2 Ronnies videos which we guys all watched until about 5 AM ... the ladies entertaining themselves downstairs.
It suddenly dawned on us that we had to be back for bed check at our hotel in downtown Tallinn. In the slow Nordic dawn we marched down deserted streets in this old Hansiatic city, modestly inebriated, replaying Two Ronnie jokes out loud to raucous laughter I remember thinking ... this is how the curtain comes down .... humor and satire. It happened that way in Nazi Germany too.

 

[Gnomey]

 

[Lucky13]

Only in Australia....

 

[Wurger]

 

[Gnomey]

 

[Lucky13]

 

[Wurger]

 

[Wayne Little]

 

[Gnomey]

 

[Crimea_River]

 

[Wurger]

 

[Gnomey]

 

[Lucky13]

 

[Lucky13]