Quotes and Jokes (3 Viewers)
- Thread starter v2
- Start date
Ad: This forum contains affiliate links to products on Amazon and eBay. More information in Terms and rules
ThomasP
Senior Master Sergeant
Can you say mission oriented?
Prop Duster
Airman
Over heard my Grandmother and her friend the other day....
...I don't listen anymore
ThomasP
Senior Master Sergeant
ARTESH
Chief Master Sergeant
Some Iranian Jokes:
The girl on the plane was talking on her cell phone, "Talking on a cell phone is forbidden here," said the hostess, The girl said to her friend: Talking is forbidden here. . . You talk, I listen !!! ... The hostess had a stroke. The pilot fainted, The wing of the plane was detached.
Computer Basics: The part of a system that can be smashed with a hammer is called hardware, and the part that can only be cursed is called software!
They said to Newton: Why were you surprised when the apple fell? He said: Oh, I was sitting under a pear tree!
One day the teacher says to the student: Name five predators. The student says: Two tigers, three lions.
The snake marries the hedgehog and their child becomes barbed wire
A 12-year-old girl cries! Her friend comforts her: Let him go, my dear, you didn't deserve him! ... Then, When I was 12 years old, I was counting my notebooks's sheets to see are there really 100 sheets or not!!!
If women ruled the world, there would be no war! Only a few countries were angry with each other and did not talk!
Google: I own everything. Wikipedia: I know everything. Facebook: I know everyone. Internet: without me, you are nothing. Electricity: stfu.
A politician is one who can tell you to go to hell, but in such a way that you count the moments for this journey!
A psychologist is someone who: takes money from you to ask questions that your spouse asks you for free!
A chameleon suddenly went on a box of crayons, then he jammed!
Teacher said to student: Say three names which contains "Allah" . student answered: Shokrollah, Hamdollah, Cinderella!
Father to daughter: My daughter, what are you doing on the balcony at this time of night ??
Girl: I'm seeing The Moon, Daddy!
Father: Ok, tell your moon to turn off his car, his voice will not let us sleep!
The girl on the plane was talking on her cell phone, "Talking on a cell phone is forbidden here," said the hostess, The girl said to her friend: Talking is forbidden here. . . You talk, I listen !!! ... The hostess had a stroke. The pilot fainted, The wing of the plane was detached.
Computer Basics: The part of a system that can be smashed with a hammer is called hardware, and the part that can only be cursed is called software!
They said to Newton: Why were you surprised when the apple fell? He said: Oh, I was sitting under a pear tree!
One day the teacher says to the student: Name five predators. The student says: Two tigers, three lions.
The snake marries the hedgehog and their child becomes barbed wire
A 12-year-old girl cries! Her friend comforts her: Let him go, my dear, you didn't deserve him! ... Then, When I was 12 years old, I was counting my notebooks's sheets to see are there really 100 sheets or not!!!
If women ruled the world, there would be no war! Only a few countries were angry with each other and did not talk!
Google: I own everything. Wikipedia: I know everything. Facebook: I know everyone. Internet: without me, you are nothing. Electricity: stfu.
A politician is one who can tell you to go to hell, but in such a way that you count the moments for this journey!
A psychologist is someone who: takes money from you to ask questions that your spouse asks you for free!
A chameleon suddenly went on a box of crayons, then he jammed!
Teacher said to student: Say three names which contains "Allah" . student answered: Shokrollah, Hamdollah, Cinderella!
Father to daughter: My daughter, what are you doing on the balcony at this time of night ??
Girl: I'm seeing The Moon, Daddy!
Father: Ok, tell your moon to turn off his car, his voice will not let us sleep!
Last edited:
michaelmaltby
Colonel
michaelmaltby
Colonel
A gas station owner in Texas was trying to increase his sales.
So, he put up a sign that read, 'Free Sex with every fill-up.'
Soon Henry pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex.
The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex.
Henry guessed 8, and the proprietor said, 'You were close. The number was 7. Sorry. No sex this time.'
A week later, Henry, along with his friend Bob, pulled in for another fill-up. Again he asked for his free sex.
The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number. Henry guessed 2 this time. The proprietor said, 'Sorry, it was 3. You were close, but no free sex this time.'
As they were driving away, Bob said to Henry, 'I think that game is rigged and he doesn't really give away free sex.'
Henry replied,
'No it is genuine. It's not rigged at all. My wife won twice last week !!!'
So, he put up a sign that read, 'Free Sex with every fill-up.'
Soon Henry pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex.
The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex.
Henry guessed 8, and the proprietor said, 'You were close. The number was 7. Sorry. No sex this time.'
A week later, Henry, along with his friend Bob, pulled in for another fill-up. Again he asked for his free sex.
The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number. Henry guessed 2 this time. The proprietor said, 'Sorry, it was 3. You were close, but no free sex this time.'
As they were driving away, Bob said to Henry, 'I think that game is rigged and he doesn't really give away free sex.'
Henry replied,
'No it is genuine. It's not rigged at all. My wife won twice last week !!!'
Lucky13
Forum Mascot
Lucky13
Forum Mascot
Lucky13
Forum Mascot
special ed
1st Sergeant
- 5,188
- May 13, 2018
The school children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. "Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, "There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer or that's Michael, he's a doctor."" A small voice rang out, "And there's the teacher. She's dead."
vikingBerserker
Lieutenant General
Ouch!
ARTESH
Chief Master Sergeant
GTA IRL!!!
I'm Talking with Documents!!!
Mommy, What do we have for diner?
- PAIN!!!
I'm Talking with Documents!!!
Mommy, What do we have for diner?
- PAIN!!!
michaelmaltby
Colonel
Harry - SCMDP. 6.6.21
