Quotes and Jokes (3 Viewers)

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A retired man went to the job center in downtown The Villages, Florida, and saw a card advertising for a Gynecologists Assistant. Interested, he asked the clerk for details. The clerk pulled up the file and read, "The job entails getting the ladies ready for the gynecologist. You have to help the women out of their underwear, place them down and carefully wash their private region, then apply shaving foam and gently shave off the hair, then rub in soothing oils so they are ready for the examination. The annual salary in $85,000, and you will have to go to Marion, Ohio." "Good grief, is that where the job is?" "No sir, that's where the end of the line is."
 
A very successful lawyer parked his brand new Porsche 911 Turbo in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues.

As he was getting out, a truck came barreling down the road, drifted right and completely tore off the driver's door. Fortunately, a cop was close enough to see the accident and pulled up behind the now door-less Porsche with his lights flashing.

Before the cop had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically about how his precious Porsche, which he had just purchased the day before, was completely ruined and no matter how any car body shop tried to make it new again, would never be the same.

After the lawyer finally wound down from his rant, the cop shook his head in disbelief, "I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are," the cop said, "You are so focused on your possessions that you neglect the most important things in life."

"How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer.

The cop replied, "Don't you even realize that your left arm is missing? It was severed when the truck hit you!"

"OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD!", screamed the lawyer. . . "My Rolex!"
 

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