Quotes and Jokes (3 Viewers)

[Prop Duster]

I love hearing from the other side.

You Heard it too?

 

[DerAdlerIstGelandet]

Last time (seriously)...

This is a thread for jokes. No more political stuff.

 

[Wurger]

The love or target to hunt ... that's the question.

 

[michaelmaltby]

 

[Gnomey]

 

[special ed]

Dad joke warning!!
I was at an ATM yesterday. An old lady asked if I could check her balance, so I pushed her over.

 

[ARTESH]

3 Things Eve could not say to Adam:

سه تا چیز که حوا نمیتونست به آدم بگه :

1- از شوهرای دیکه یاد بگیر !

2-قبل از تو صد تا خواستگار داشتم !

3- می رم خونه مامانم !​

 

[Snautzer01]

Hilarious. I think. Perhaps. Maybe.

 

[Greg Boeser]

Marital advice I was not allowed to share at my son's wedding:
Remember, gentlemen, once you are married you are going to be kissing her ass for the rest of you life, so make sure she's got one worth kissing.

 

[michaelmaltby]

 

[Wurger]

 

[ARTESH]

دانشجوی پسر + دانشجوی پسر = انتظار برای رسیدن ۲ دانشجوی دیگر جهت بازی ورق


دانشجوی دختر + دانشجوی پسر = عشق


دانشجوی دختر + دانشجوی دختر = غیبت از یه دانشجوی پسر​

 

[ARTESH]

This one is a little old!

ایران و آمریکا:

ﺩﺭ ﻋﺮﺍﻕ، ﺩﺭ ﮐﻨﺎﺭ ﻫﻢ ﻣﯽﺟﻨﮕﻨﺪ.

ﺩﺭ ﯾﻤﻦ، ﻋﻠﯿﻪ ﻫﻢ ﻣﯽﺟﻨﮕﻨﺪ.

ﺩﺭ ﭘﺎﻛﺴﺘﺎﻥ، ﺩﻧﺒﺎﻝ ﻫﻢ ﻣﻴﮕﺮﺩﻥ.

ﺩﺭ ﺗﺮﻛﻴﻪ، ﺑﺎ ﻫﻢ ﻣﻌﺎﻣﻠﻪ ﻣﻴﻜﻨﻦ.

ﺩﺭ ﺳﻮﺋﯿﺲ، ﺑﺎ ﻫﻢ ﻣﺬﺍﮐﺮﻩ ﻣﯽﮐﻨﻨﺪ.
در تهران، والیبال بازی میکنند.
در امریکا، کشتی میگیرند.

ﺧﺪﺍ ﺷﺎﻫﺪﻩ ﻣﺎ ﮐﻪ ﮔﯿﺞ ﺷﺪﯾﻢ...

 

[special ed]

This occurred when the Fantasy Island TV show was popular in the US 1977-84. The program always began with a plane (Grumman Widgeon) landing with guests for their fantasy. Mr. Roarke was the island host and when the plane was sighted Tattoo would run to the bell and shout, "Da plane, da plane." I was at a fellow club member's, (Rick), house with other club members and Rick's extended family, a very large group as Rick had nine kids of his own, as well as his relatives' kids, friends, and the kids of club members. The occasion was his twins birthday which always was a big deal. I was standing near the kitchen to escape the circus. Seated next me was one of the Grandpas when a pre schooler raced up to him and yelled, " What kind of M&Ms does Tattoo like?" "I dunno, what kind?" "Da plain, da plain" the kid says and races off. Grandma walks out of the kitchen and Grandpa says, "Why does Tattoo like plain M&Ms ?" Grandma says, "I don't know . Why?" Grandpa says, " AAh....aah...go ask that damn kid."

 

[ARTESH]

یه دختره بود می گفت من از تو جدا بشم میمیرم. یه ماه پیش ازم جدا شد، هر شب بهش پیام میدم زنده ای؟ تا مطمئن نشم که مرده، ولش نمیکنم!

برای دختره کامنت گذاشتم لایک داری ..
نوشته : شما؟
از کجا داری دست منو میبینی لاک داره؟
تو رو خدا منو هک نکن.

 

[Snautzer01]

The cow is hilarious. Dont like the goat joke.

 

[Gnomey]

 

[michaelmaltby]

 

[Wurger]

 

[Lucky13]