Quotes and Jokes (2 Viewers)

[XBe02Drvr]

I've seen the videos and found them to a form of poetic justice. I wouldn't use glitter. It would be dog poop.

I would like to use claymores.

Even better, there's a guy who uses a paint spray bomb that's indelible and has magnetic signature nanoparticles in it. Included in each of his packages is a cell phone that makes a prerecorded 9-11 call and gives GPS coordinates, as well as uploading any video it captures.

 

[MIflyer]

I posted a link to a guy who does that porch pirate sabotage and then branched out to Internet and Phone scammers.

While he does not use poop in addition to and exploding glitter bomb and recording videos of the culprits, he does include a spray bottle of various substances, including skunk extract. The smell typically leads them to take it to some dumpster, and GPS tell them whre to go retrieve the bomb.

 

[ARTESH]

I don't see what's funny about that

Well It is hard to completely explain it, without mentioning some historical / political and religious sides of it!

The best short answer that not cross any rules, would be something like:

It is funny, because none of those, exist IRL.

 

[ARTESH]

 

[GTX]

Well It is hard to completely explain it, without mentioning some historical / political and religious sides of it!

The best short answer that not cross any rules, would be something like:

It is funny, because none of those, exist IRL.

I appreciate and understand the irony. My comment was more that I do not find it the slightest bit humorous given the tragedy that's unfolding in Afghanistan.

 

[Greg Boeser]

Humor is a way to lessen the horror. There is nothing we can do about the Taliban takeover of Afghanistan, so we make fun of them instead.
When I was deployed to Iraq back in 2003, there was a tragic blue on blue in which a Patriot missile battery accidently shot down a RAF Tornado. Naturally this caused some anger among our British coalition partners. Someone wrote some derogatory comments about the US Army in one of the porta-johns, to which one of my colleagues responded "Buy some stealthy, ya cheap bastards!" Another comment, "If you don't want us to shoot at you, stop painting targets on your planes!"
We laugh, so we don't cry.

 

[Gnomey]

 

[michaelmaltby]

 

[MIflyer]

In WWII at a meeting of senior USAAF and RAF officers, Gen Spaatz said, "I'm sorry to have to tell you we hit the Hamburg cathedral yesterday."

RAF Air Marshall "Bomber" Harris replied, "Excellent! I've been aiming at that thing for over a year!"

In the big raid before "Black Thursday" on Munster the aiming point was the Munster Cathedral. It was not that the 8th AF had it in for churches but because they figured if they aimed for that target the bombs would fall short and hit the RR yards and the adjacent housing for the people who worked there.

 

[ARTESH]

Some literature!

A letter to Yuri Gagarin:

Gagarin! O unspoken poem of the earth ...
You are born in a country whose general goal is equality, minus God ...
This becomes a horizontal line.
Your cousin, Alan Shepherd, is the son of a country that wants something called freedom, plus God ...
This becomes a vertical line.
The intersection of these two lines becomes a cross ...
Ah ... Gagarin! The guardians of darkness want to nail humanity to this cross instead of Christ.
Gagarin! Let us sincerely decide to prevent this catastrophe ...
Or if we could not ... at least not let me and you be crucified instead of Christ in the hands of the needy of humanity.

Karapet "Karo" Derderian (1928, Hamedan, Iran --- 2008, Glendale, California, U.S.)

 

[special ed]

Warning!
Smart ass comment:
"My wife's an angel !"
"You're lucky, mine's still alive."

 

[Wurger]

 

[Zipper730]

In the big raid before "Black Thursday" on Munster the aiming point was the Munster Cathedral. It was not that the 8th AF had it in for churches but because they figured if they aimed for that target the bombs would fall short and hit the RR yards and the adjacent housing for the people who worked there.

Not to kill the buzz, I thought they selected it as an aim-point because it was easy to pick up

 

[DerAdlerIstGelandet]

An Airbus 380 is on it's way across the Atlantic. It flies consistently at 800 km/h at 30,000 feet, when suddenly a Eurofighter with Tempo Mach 2 appears.

The pilot of the fighter jet slows down, flies alongside the Airbus and greets the pilot of the passenger plane by radio: "Airbus, boring flight isn't it? Now have a look here !"

He rolls his jet on its back, accelerates, breaks through the sound barrier, rises rapidly to a dizzying height, then swoops down almost to sea level in a breathtaking dive. He loops back next to the Airbus and asks, "Well, how was that?"

The Airbus pilot answers: "Very impressive, but now you look !"

The jet pilot watches the Airbus, but nothing happens. It continues to fly stubbornly straight, with the same speed. After 15 minutes, the Airbus pilot radios, "Well, how was that?"

Confused, the jet pilot asks, "What did you do?"

The AirBus pilot laughs and says, "I got up, stretched my legs, walked to the back of the aircraft to use the washroom, then got a cup of coffee and a chocolate fudge pastry.

The moral of the story is:

When you are young, speed and adrenaline seems to be great. But as you get older and wiser, you learn that comfort and peace are more important.

This is called S.O.S.: Slower, Older, but Smarter.

 

[SaparotRob]

An Airbus 380 is on it's way across the Atlantic. It flies consistently at 800 km/h at 30,000 feet, when suddenly a Eurofighter with Tempo Mach 2 appears.

The pilot of the fighter jet slows down, flies alongside the Airbus and greets the pilot of the passenger plane by radio: "Airbus, boring flight isn't it? Now have a look here !"

He rolls his jet on its back, accelerates, breaks through the sound barrier, rises rapidly to a dizzying height, then swoops down almost to sea level in a breathtaking dive. He loops back next to the Airbus and asks, "Well, how was that?"

The Airbus pilot answers: "Very impressive, but now you look !"

The jet pilot watches the Airbus, but nothing happens. It continues to fly stubbornly straight, with the same speed. After 15 minutes, the Airbus pilot radios, "Well, how was that?"

Confused, the jet pilot asks, "What did you do?"

The AirBus pilot laughs and says, "I got up, stretched my legs, walked to the back of the aircraft to use the washroom, then got a cup of coffee and a chocolate fudge pastry.

The moral of the story is:

When you are young, speed and adrenaline seems to be great. But as you get older and wiser, you learn that comfort and peace are more important.

This is called S.O.S.: Slower, Older, but Smarter.

View attachment 639744

There are several people I'd like to read this. One just might be lurking now.

 

[cammerjeff]

An Airbus 380 is on it's way across the Atlantic. It flies consistently at 800 km/h at 30,000 feet, when suddenly a Eurofighter with Tempo Mach 2 appears.

The pilot of the fighter jet slows down, flies alongside the Airbus and greets the pilot of the passenger plane by radio: "Airbus, boring flight isn't it? Now have a look here !"

He rolls his jet on its back, accelerates, breaks through the sound barrier, rises rapidly to a dizzying height, then swoops down almost to sea level in a breathtaking dive. He loops back next to the Airbus and asks, "Well, how was that?"

The Airbus pilot answers: "Very impressive, but now you look !"

The jet pilot watches the Airbus, but nothing happens. It continues to fly stubbornly straight, with the same speed. After 15 minutes, the Airbus pilot radios, "Well, how was that?"

Confused, the jet pilot asks, "What did you do?"

The AirBus pilot laughs and says, "I got up, stretched my legs, walked to the back of the aircraft to use the washroom, then got a cup of coffee and a chocolate fudge pastry.

The moral of the story is:

When you are young, speed and adrenaline seems to be great. But as you get older and wiser, you learn that comfort and peace are more important.

This is called S.O.S.: Slower, Older, but Smarter.

View attachment 639744

We used to tell a similar story but with an F15 & a 747-400, the F15 Pilot would do the same stunts, the 747 Captain would respond saying he had shut down 2 engines and asked the F15 if it could do the same?

 

[MIflyer]

Not to kill the buzz, I thought they selected it as an aim-point because it was easy to pick up

Yes, and they selected it as an aiming point because they could see if from 20,000 ft plus - and the natural short bombing tendency would hit the target they desired.

So even the guys who are opposed to the Area Bombing approach and do not advocate de-housing of the German population do horrible sounding things.

 

[michaelmaltby]

need a good laugh right now .....

 

[buffnut453]

We used to tell a similar story but with an F15 & a 747-400, the F15 Pilot would do the same stunts, the 747 Captain would respond saying he had shut down 2 engines and asked the F15 if it could do the same?

The same general story has been repeated in multiple variations, with F-15s, F-16s etc being the sharp, pointy things and everything from C-130s to C-5s to C-17s etc. being the trundling transport. I've even heard it told with the B-52 being the sedentary platform.

 

[special ed]

I have a tee shirt that says: S.O.S.
slower, older, smarter
My last daughter says it's only partly true.