Quotes and Jokes (3 Viewers)

[Gnomey]

 

[special ed]

An elderly Scotsman lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, he smelled the aroma of his favorite pan fried drop scones wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning on the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom with great effort. Gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs. With labored breath, he leaned against the doorframe gazing into the kitchen. If it were not for the agony of death, he would thought himself already in heaven, for there spread upon the kitchen table were hundreds of his favorite scones. Was it one final act of love from his devoted Scottish wife of sixty years to see he left this world a happy man? With one final great effort, he threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees. His aged, withered, trembling hand reached for a scone at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked with a wooden spoon by his wife.
"Back off, those are for the funeral."

 

[at6]

 

[buffnut453]

One morning, an attractive, young American exchange student was exploring her new home in Edinburgh and decided to head off into the countryside. Wandering along a footpath, she came across a Scot in full kilted regalia, snoring beneath a tree. From the empty bottle of Laphroaig lying next to him, she determined he'd been carousing the night before. She'd heard stories about what Scots wore--or, rather, didn't wear--under their kilts. The man was clearly out for the count and this was simply too good an opportunity to miss. She carefully lifted the hem of the man's kilt and was suitably impressed by the man's "possession". Removing the blue ribbon from her hair, she tied it gently in a bow around that which the Good Lord gave him, replaced his kilt and continued her journey. Several hours later, the Scot awoke from his drunken stupor. Something didn't feel right "down there" so he lifted up his kilt, saw the ribbon and exclaimed "I dinna know where ye've bin, laddie, but I'm glad ye won first prize!"

 

[v2]

..

 

[vikingBerserker]

I so want to give that double bacon with a knights cross

 

[buffnut453]

I so want to give that double bacon with a knights cross

Can't do that. The bacon offends the vegans, the term knigts is redolent of the repression inherent in the [feudal] system, while the cross is clearly evident of Judeo-Christian religious bias.

Get woke bro!

 

[vikingBerserker]

 

[at6]

Can't do that. The bacon offends the vegans, the term knigts is redolent of the repression inherent in the feudal system, while the cross is clearly evident of Judeo-Christian religious bias.

Get woke bro!

You forgot that Bacon is also un-Islamic.

 

[buffnut453]

You forgot that Bacon is also un-Islamic.

And anti-Semitic. See...it just gets worse and worse. VB should really banish himself to the naughty corner.

 

[special ed]

 

[Gnomey]

 

[buffnut453]

 

[ThomasP]

 

[special ed]

 

[MIflyer]

I just went with my dog for our evening walk and I recalled a quote:

"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.

Inside of a dog it's too dark to read."

Graucho Marx

 

[Wurger]

 

[Lucky13]

 

[Wurger]

 

[Lucky13]