Quotes and Jokes (1 Viewer)

[WARSPITER]

Wait 10 minutes.

Ummm.... nup. Should I buy some hair dye ?

 

[Snautzer01]

this will do

 

[WARSPITER]

this will do

View attachment 642773

Oh goody, I've been looking for an excuse to buy a 3D printer.

 

[DerAdlerIstGelandet]

 

[Wurger]

 

[WARSPITER]

View attachment 642779

Move arrow forward one seat to see P39 designer..... crouches and slinks away....

 

[vikingBerserker]

That's because he made a change and the center of gravity shifted forward.

 

[Gnomey]

 

[special ed]

 

[special ed]

 

[Wurger]

 

[Greg Boeser]

Well somebody had to! The person in the car was juggling a cup of coffee, a cigarette, and their cell phone, while applying make-up.

 

[DerAdlerIstGelandet]

View attachment 642794

Marines

My Ass Rides In Navy Equipment and Ships

 

[Greg Boeser]

The Marine jokes I know can't be printed here.

 

[special ed]

 

[special ed]

 

[Wurger]

 

[Lucky13]

 

[michaelmaltby]

Men Are Just Happier People! What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress – $5,000. Tux rental - $100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
New shoes normally don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Two pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck. You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes – one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache... You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes. No wonder men are happier!
NICKNAME If Laura, Kate, and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah. If Mike, Bob, Dan, Ed and Pat go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba, Bird Brain, Idiot and Wild man.
EATING OUT When the bill arrives, Mike, Bob, Dan, Ed and Pat will each throw in $20, even though it's only for 62.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their bill, outcome the pocket calculators.
MONEY A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
BATHROOMS A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
ARGUMENTS A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
FUTURE A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
MARRIAGE A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.
DRESSING UP A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
NATURAL Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
OFFSPRING Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears, and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!

 

[vikingBerserker]

Amen...................