Quotes and Jokes (3 Viewers)

[Greg Boeser]

Ooh! I used to love the steak, egg and cheese breakfast bagel! It was my reward for going into work on saturdays.

 

[buffnut453]

I went to an Eskimo restaurant and asked the waiter about the specials. He replied, "We've got whale meat, more whale meat, yet more whale meat, and then there's the Vera Lynn."

I asked, "What's the Very Lynn?"

He said, "Whale meat again."


I have my coat...and I'm not afraid to wear it!!!

 

[Lucky13]

 

[GTX]

Thanks for this post. I've just watched about 5 of them. Sam Kekovich, what a great American!

American???

 

[SaparotRob]

Close enough.

 

[Gnomey]

 

[buffnut453]

Close enough.

Methinks it's time for your annual Cultural Sensitivity Training refresher.

 

[Lucky13]

 

[special ed]

The love dress

A mother in law stopped by unexpectedly at the newly wed couple's home. She knocked on the door, then immediately walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter in law lying completely naked on the couch.
"What are you doing?"
"I'm waiting for Jeff to come home from work."
"But you're naked!"
"This is my love dress."
"Love dress? But you're naked!"
"Jeff loves me to wear this dress. It makes him happy and it makes me happy."
The mother in law, on the way home thought about the love dress. When she got home she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume and expectantly waited for her husband, lying on the couch.
He walked in and saw her on the couch.
"What are you doing?"
"This is my love dress!"
"Needs ironing. What's for dinner?"

 

[Lucky13]

 

[vikingBerserker]

When the Dr performing your Vasectomy says ooops

 

[Gnomey]

 

[Snautzer01]

The love dress

A mother in law stopped by unexpectedly at the newly wed couple's home. She knocked on the door, then immediately walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter in law lying completely naked on the couch.
"What are you doing?"
"I'm waiting for Jeff to come home from work."
"But you're naked!"
"This is my love dress."
"Love dress? But you're naked!"
"Jeff loves me to wear this dress. It makes him happy and it makes me happy."
The mother in law, on the way home thought about the love dress. When she got home she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume and expectantly waited for her husband, lying on the couch.
He walked in and saw her on the couch.
"What are you doing?"
"This is my love dress!"
"Needs ironing. What's for dinner?"

Told this one to my mother in law. Next month i may be able to do solid food.

 

[buffnut453]

Told this one to my mother in law. Next month i may be able to do solid food.

Told it to my wife...who is a mother-in-law. She almost fell off the chair laughing.

 

[Snautzer01]

Lock your door shut. She is not laughing. Just trying to remember how to start up the chain saw.

 

[buffnut453]

Lock your door shut. She is not laughing. Just trying to remember how to start up the chain saw.

We got rid of our chain saw 3 years ago....why do you think I risked sharing the joke?

 

[buffnut453]

A little old lady calls up her neighbour and says to him, "Please can you come over and help me. I've been given a killer of a jigsaw puzzle for Christmas, but I can't figure out how to get it started."

Her neighbour asks " What's it supposed to be when it's finished?"

The little old lady says " According to the picture on the box it's a cockerel."

Her neighbour decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him to the table where she has all the pieces spread out.

He studies the the pieces for a moment,then looks at the box, then he turns to her and says…

"First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to assemble all those piece's into anything that resembles a cockerel." He then gently takes her hand and says "Secondly I want you to sit down, relax, and I'll make you a nice cup of tea," and with a deep sigh……….."and then we'll put all the cornflakes back in the box."

 

[MiTasol]

Told this one to my mother in law. Next month i may be able to do solid food.

You're a braver man than I am

 

[MiTasol]

 

[special ed]