Quotes and Jokes (4 Viewers)

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A policeman friend of my brother-in-law (also a cop) told of an encounter where they had one of the perpetrators and his partner (named Neale) was looking for the other. Every time cop #1 would call his partner, the suspect would get on his knees and then was told "Stand up."
 
MIflyer said:
A guy goes to the ballgame. He gets some popcorn and a beer and finds his seat. No sooner has he sat down than he hears someone behind him yell, "Frank!"
He puts down the beer, puts down the popcorn, stands up and scans the people behind him, but sees no one he knows.

Five minutes later the same thing occurs. "Frank!" He puts down his beer and puts down his popcorn, stands up, and scans behind him but sees no one who knows him.

Five minutes later, "Frank!" Furious, he puts down his beer, puts down his popcorn, stands up, scans, again sees no one he recognizes, and then yells, "Hey! My name's not Frank!"
Click to expand...

Frank as in ordering a Frankfurter ? Not into baseball so..
 
FB_IMG_1645034033545.jpg
 
Many years back a friend of mine went down to Haiti to pick up a T-6 that the Air Force there had sold; a couple of airline pilots had bought it and his contribution to the partnership was getting it flying and back to the US. He got it in flying condition and headed home, his first US landfall being at Opa Locka Airport. When he landed and turned onto the taxiway he realized the tail wheel tire had disintegrated and told the tower he had to pull off onto the grass.

He got out, unzipped, and proceeded to do what everyone does after a long flight where you could not get out of your seat. His urinary reverie was interrupted by a troop of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle cosplay enthusiasts who seemed to be under the impression that they were members of some law enforcement authority. They pointed automatic weapons at him and yelled a lot. "Put your hands up!" "Don't Move!" (Which is it?) "Who are you?" "Shaddup!" (Again, folks, those are mutually exclusive). He eventally was allowed to put himself back in his pants and produce documentation, one of which was his passport. He had been employed by NASA, and thus had been issued a Red Federal Government passport.

At this point the Ninja Turtles put two and two together and got the obvious answer: 22.
1. Unmarked military aircraft.
2. Scruffy looking fellow flying it.
3. Red Government passport.
4. IT"S THE FRIGGIN' CIA RUNNING AN OP!!!!! WE DONE SCREWED UP BIG TIME GUYS! VAMOOSE!!!!!

They suddenly recalled pressing business elsewhere and departed without asking him if he needed lift, leaving him to hike up to the populated area of the airport and find a new tailwheel tire.
 
MIflyer said:
Many years back a friend of mine went down to Haiti to pick up a T-6 that the Air Force there had sold; a couple of airline pilots had bought it and his contribution to the partnership was getting it flying and back to the US. He got it in flying condition and headed home, his first US landfall being at Opa Locka Airport. When he landed and turned onto the taxiway he realized the tail wheel tire had disintegrated and told the tower he had to pull off onto the grass.

He got out, unzipped, and proceeded to do what everyone does after a long flight where you could not get out of your seat. His urinary reverie was interrupted by a troop of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle cosplay enthusiasts who seemed to be under the impression that they were members of some law enforcement authority. They pointed automatic weapons at him and yelled a lot. "Put your hands up!" "Don't Move!" (Which is it?) "Who are you?" "Shaddup!" (Again, folks, those are mutually exclusive). He eventally was allowed to put himself back in his pants and produce documentation, one of which was his passport. He had been employed by NASA, and thus had been issued a Red Federal Government passport.

At this point the Ninja Turtles put two and two together and got the obvious answer: 22.
1. Unmarked military aircraft.
2. Scruffy looking fellow flying it.
3. Red Government passport.
4. IT"S THE FRIGGIN' CIA RUNNING AN OP!!!!! WE DONE SCREWED UP BIG TIME GUYS! VAMOOSE!!!!!

They suddenly recalled pressing business elsewhere and departed without asking him if he needed lift, leaving him to hike up to the populated area of the airport and find a new tailwheel tire.
Click to expand...
Completely believable, unfortunately.
We had a Spitfire held up by US customs, thinking they were intercepting an arms trade.
 
I have pictures of Australian ex RAAF trainers in Mississippi unflyable (legally) because the regional FAA declared them war weapons and would only allow experimental registration. The owner didn't want that, so there they sat although another of the same type in California was flying with GA regn.
 
special ed said:
I have pictures of Australian ex RAAF trainers in Mississippi unflyable (legally) because the regional FAA declared them war weapons and would only allow experimental registration. The owner didn't want that, so there they sat although another of the same type in California was flying with GA regn.
Click to expand...
Were those the CT-4's?
Generally, military aircraft don't have a civilian type certificate, so can't be given a standard Cert of Airworthiness.
 
I think they were. The photos are now not organized yet from a move. It is the trainer developed from civilian light 3-4 seater. None of the civil versions had yet been imported to the US so these were first of type with only military certificate. When I asked how did he think the California aircraft was certified General Aviation. the owner got angry and began to list all his grievences with the FAA, the Atlanta region, and one FAA individual in particular. I let him rant, agreed with him, thanked him for his allowing my photos and got the hell out. At the time, and/or shortly after, the airport was sold and a new one built some miles away leaving only a piece of runway and road which the man owned. There was one other light plane outside and a small closed hangar on his land. I had asked how he would get the planes out and was told we still use it. This may be the same rather gruff gentleman I encountered, somewhere else?, near there when I saw an E.E.Lightning in his shed. and I believe another, but it was dark inside and it was obvious I was not welcome. I'm used to that.
 
special ed said:
I think they were. The photos are now not organized yet from a move. It is the trainer developed from civilian light 3-4 seater. None of the civil versions had yet been imported to the US so these were first of type with only military certificate. When I asked how did he think the California aircraft was certified General Aviation. the owner got angry and began to list all his grievences with the FAA, the Atlanta region, and one FAA individual in particular. I let him rant, agreed with him, thanked him for his allowing my photos and got the hell out. At the time, and/or shortly after, the airport was sold and a new one built some miles away leaving only a piece of runway and road which the man owned. There was one other light plane outside and a small closed hangar on his land. I had asked how he would get the planes out and was told we still use it. This may be the same rather gruff gentleman I encountered, somewhere else?, near there when I saw an E.E.Lightning in his shed. and I believe another, but it was dark inside and it was obvious I was not welcome. I'm used to that.
Click to expand...
Sounds like he bought a 'bargain' thinking they were military versions of the Airtourer. While they look similar, the CT-4 is quite a bit larger
Think C-172 vs. C-182. They're both 4-seat, single engine aircraft with the same layout; the differences become more apparent when they're side-by-side.
 
These were low wing 2 seat with a small sideways seat behind the main seats, very pretty planes. I guess I'll finally have to set up my slide scanner.
 
An Irish Blonde In A Casino

An attractive blonde from Cork arrived at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty thousand Euros on a single roll of the dice.
She said. "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely naked."
With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue shouted, "Come on baby, Mama needs new clothes!"
As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up an down and squealed. "YES! YES! I WON, I WON!"
She hugged each dealer, picked up her winnings and her clothes and departed.
The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one said, "What did she roll?"
"I don't know, I thought you were watching the dice."

Moral:
Not all Irish are drunks
Not all blondes are dumb
But men are men
 
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